Over the past five to ten years, culturally and generationally things, have been thrown into massive upheaval.
And the learning process is slow and painful.
Popular ideas and phrases are examined in a different light.
And no one ever said personal learning was easy.
Case in point…
Redditor Maleficent-Outside23 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“WIBTA if I stopped giving my son driving lessons?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My son is a learner driver and currently in driving school and I have been giving him extra driving practice which is something he wanted.”
“Earlier on, he was sometimes too hesitant and lacked confidence when merging on the freeway and changing lanes, which can be dangerous if you go too slow or check the mirrors so much that you stop looking ahead.”
“I pointed this out and he is a getting better at it.”
“However at times he still hesitates and when he does, I would tell him he is driving like a woman.”
“He had no issue with this at all and would correct himself when I said that.”
“I did not mean it in a bad way, my daughter is a great driver, picked up driving naturally and passed her test the first time.”
“He got upset at me all of a sudden and asked me to stop saying that.”
“I have no issue, stopping with that remark and replacing it with something else.”
“But I don’t appreciate being lectured as if I am sexist when I was just trying to help him, and used the phrase more like an idiom.”
“My wife agrees with me and thinks he was being petty but my daughter agrees with my son.”
“My son and I used to talk like this all the time when he was younger but lately he and my daughter have become closer and she is influencing his views.”
“I think maybe it was wrong to say that but not a**hole level since I did not mean it literally.”
“And I am more bothered about how he lectured me and treated me as if I am a massive sexist than if he had just asked me to stop.”
“I have been happily married for many years and I am no sexist.”
“I was considering stopping the extra practice drives and just letting him use his paid instructor.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WBTA the A**hole.
“However at times he still hesitates and when he does, I would tell him he is driving like a woman.”
“Before I read any further to make sure I called you out for being sexist.”
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel sexist.”
“Saying sexist s**t makes you sexist.” ~ zalkaare
“OP, guess what!”
“Your wife is either sexist against women too or afraid to go against you because you clearly use emotional blackmail to punish your loved ones when they call you on your BS.” ~ Mundane-Currency5088
“The amount of older Gen women with internalized misogyny is insane.”
“I feel bad for her, and Im glad her daughter and son were able to recognize and call out harmful behavior towards women despite their two parent’s beliefs.” ~Objective_End5686
“You can totally be a misogynist and a woman.”
“I figured out that unfortunate fact when my daughter came out as trans (I finally figured out my main issue was I couldn’t wrap my head around someone wanting to be a woman who didn’t ‘have’ to).”
“So yeah, I had to do some reflecting and growing and becoming a less shi**y person.”
“I wish the OP could use that as their takeaway from all of this rather than being butt hurt at being called sexist (which they are being with their language and the thought processes that lie behind that language).” ~ tuffykenwell
“I think he means quick idiom.”
“Meaning ‘I use women as an example because they are subhuman representations of the negative versions of a thing IE-an idiom…'”
“Then OP is all yes!”
“I speak like a raving sexist, but I’m going to punish and emotionally blackmail my kid for standing up for his sister, who is, by the way, is a fantastic driver.”
“He should just know that even though my daughter will grow up feeling less than a human being, no one is allowed to question the MAN of the house.” ~ Mundane-Currency5088
OP came back to address the Reddit community.
“Ok, I get it.”
“I will stop using the term. That was not the issue anyway.”
“I would have had no problem if he just asked me to do so without accusing me.”
“I was using it more like a quick idiot so he could realize for himself and correct himself without me telling him what to do.”
“But I get how it can be considered insensitive.”
“I however definitely do not believe women are bad drivers or anything like that.”
Reddit continued to weigh in.
“Came here to say it!!!”
“The edit makes it worse!”
“It’s so frustrating that men STILL think using women or femininity as weakness is okay in any way!!”
“YTA dude.” ~ MTnarwal
“I know! The edit was even worse than the initial posting!”
“He thinks just because his son actually told him that he was being a sexist jerk, that his son is still wrong.”
“How dare this child to speak up to him,’ and maybe tell him what the rest of the world hears when he says stupid sexist stuff like this.”
“I worry about his wife, not hearing anything wrong, but good for his kids for actually having the emotional intelligence to pick up on this and tell their dad when he’s wrong.”
“Although from his replies, I’m gathering that he’s not willing actually to hear what everyone is telling him.”
“Very sad, considering he has a daughter. YTA.” ~ Roadgoddess
“100% this.”
“And also, First, your son ‘asks you’ not to say that, but then the next minute, you’re saying he lectured you?”
“Which is it?”
‘Sounds to me like you pushed back, and so did he.”
“But in the event that he truly just went off on you, then it’s much more likely that this hasn’t been a phrase that he’s just fine with you using (for all of the obvious incredibly sexist reasons).”
“And in all likelihood, it’s maybe been bothering him for a while.”
“The other part of this is the way you chose to ‘correct’ the behavior.”
“You insulted him to teach him? Really?”
“Do you think maybe that’s part of the problem?”
“Maybe he wants you to teach, remind, and nudge him, not ridicule and shame him into remembering certain concepts.”
“Because quick idiom or not, sexist or not (and yes, it is an incredibly sexist thing to say 0also, no, being married to a woman or having a daughter does not automatically clear you of being sexist]).”
“Your entire approach was awful.”
“YTA already, sir.”
“But YWNBTA, if you stopped ‘teaching’ him because it would probably take a lot of stress from the both of you.”
“If he’s receiving formal training, then let him receive it.” ~ ittetsu1988
“I guess OP never heard of the little old lady from Pasadena.”
“Or that women are statistically much better drivers than men, which is why their insurance rates are so much lower.”
“Or that if it walks and talks like a sexist duck, it is, in fact, a sexist duck. YTA.” ~ Prudent_Plan_6451
“YTA. You are sexist.”
“You deserve to be treated like a misogynist because you are one.”
“Why would you even make that remark?”
“You even admitted you knew it wasn’t true because your daughter is a good driver.” ~ mathxjunkii
“YTA… holy s**t.”
“How can women drivers be bad while you simultaneously say your daughter is a good driver?”
“This is not a saying or an idiom. It’s a sexist P[oint] O[f] V[iew] that holds no water (women statistically get in fewer accidents than men and pay lower rates for insurance).”
“Your son doesn’t want you to say that because he knows in his core, it’s ugly and bigoted.”
“Maybe your daughter should finish teaching him to drive?”
“Seems as though she is adept in her skill and moral compass.”
“Words matter, and kids don’t forget the things their parents say, shape up my dude.” ~ Ingenuity_Hopeful
“I love that his son has grown up and decided for himself that these sayings aren’t okay despite the fact that OP states he used to make statements with his son all the time growing up.”
“So he was ACTIVELY teaching him to be sexist, yet the son didn’t follow with his beliefs.”
“Which isn’t normal.”
“Sexism and racism aren’t born. It’s learned.”
“So generally, when someone’s parents teach you to be one way, you grow up believing it.”
“I’m very happy his son has decided to break that belief.” ~ BriCheese96
“YTA. It is sexist of you to say ‘driving like a woman’ to imply poor driving, and I’m glad your son and daughter are calling you out on it.”
“You saying ‘I’m not sexist’ doesn’t mean you’re not sexist–if you’re using phrases like that, then you are being sexist.”
“It seems like overkill to stop giving your son driving lessons.”
“Driving lessons are for his safety, and it’s much safer to get lessons from parents too than just relying on the instructor because he’ll get more total hours of lessons if you’re helping.”
“Just stop saying it and keep giving him the lessons.” ~ Building_Burning
Well, OP, Reddit has some strong feelings about your actions.
You may want to do some closer listening.
And maybe some research.
Your son can be a good teacher, it seems.