in , ,

Guy Called ‘Controlling’ For Picking Drunk Wife Up Instead Of Letting Her Crash On Coworker’s Couch

Photographer, Basak Gurbuz Derman/GettyImages

Getting blind drunk and stuck out and about is never fun.

That’s why it’s always a good idea to have someone who cares to come get you.

Until it’s not.

Maybe not everyone needs saving.

Case in point…

Redditor qantalatal wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for overriding my wife’s drunken decision?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (35 M[ale]) have been married to Heather (32 F[emale]) for just under 6 years.”

“Normally, things are pretty good between us.”

“But we’ve had a huge argument and lately I’ve been wondering if I’m TA here.”

“Last week, her team at the office finished some huge, multi-year project.”

“Celebrations all around, and she was going to go in (she usually works remotely) to attend a party.”

“Plus ones were not invited, but I had been to some parties from before the plague, and I knew they tended to get pretty raucous.”

“So we made arrangements for her to both go and come back mostly by train.”

“And I’d drop her off and pick her up at the station at the appropriate time.”

“I drop her off around 7PM, and have an evening to myself.”

“About 1:30 the next morning, I get a call from Heather.”

“She’s very clearly very drunk, and saying that she doesn’t think she can make it to the train station.”

“She’s just going to crash on a co-worker’s couch, she’s there at his apartment right now.”

“I asked what the address was, she wasn’t sure, managed to get said co-worker’s wife, and I got the address.”

“Drove over there, picked up Heather (who was pretty zonked out), drove back, got her in bed.”

“We didn’t talk much the next day.”

“But I had just assumed it was a terrible hangover; she’s prone to them even when drinking moderately.”

“Two days pass and I check in on her.”

“And she almost immediately laid into me asking what the hell I was thinking ignoring her express wishes like that.”

“After a bit of confusion and her clarifying about picking her up from her co-worker’s place, I said that if she was too drunk to walk a few blocks to the train station, I wanted her somewhere where I could keep an eye on her.”

“And not at the apartment of a guy I met all of once for like 5 minutes.”

“She in turn said that I was paternalistic, insecure, controlling, and borderline abusive for deciding that her co-worker couldn’t be trusted and riding off in the dark to come bring her back home.”

“We’ve been low-level arguing about it since, in part because neither of us are willing to back down from our initial positions.”

“I maintain that it was the right thing to do to go get her, she says I was wrong to do so.”

“I’d rather bring this up anonymously with strangers than go to family or friends about such an intimate argument.”

“But for some outside perspective, am I the a**hole here?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA – your wife’s reacting in such an on-going combative manner indicates, to me, that she has something she is hiding.”

“She should be thankful that you cared enough to go out of your way for her.”  ~ Smitty_80013

“I wonder if she isn’t hiding something so much as thinking she was not in as bad shape as she was.”

“And feeling embarrassed that her coworkers saw her husband taking over and treating her like a child.”

“Which she needed, because she was probably right on the cusp of peeing on their couch. NTA.”  ~ Adepte

“The last time I got so drunk that I couldn’t walk a couple blocks on my own, I was 18.”

“It was embarrassing even then.”

“At 32, I would be mortified if my coworkers saw me in that state.”

“And her defensive attitude could very well be coming from a place of shame rather than shadiness.”

“Plus, the ‘paternalistic and controlling’ thing that she’s pushing tells me that she’s worried how her coworkers now perceive her (in a maturity/responsibility sense).”

“After needing to be essentially ‘rescued’ by OP.”

“If she were up to suspicious activities, I think she’d be more likely to push a ‘why don’t you trust me’ argument.”

“This is entirely speculation on my part, but I’m trained to pick up on linguistic cues and this is my hunch.”

“You’re NTA.”

“Perhaps ask Heather if you two can explore exactly how this whole thing made her feel.”

“See if you two can really see each other’s perspectives and come to an understanding of how to handle such situations in the future.”

“ETA: regardless of how Heather was feeling, you absolutely did the right thing by going to get her.”

“Whenever you’re worried about your significant other’s safety.”

“It’s better to be on the cautious side and I definitely would’ve done the same thing.”

“I’d rather have my partner pissed at me than hurt/dead.” ~ LavenderGooms_

“Yeah, it sounds like she’s got some lingering anxiety to begin with and is displacing that onto him, which isn’t really fair.”

“She should either sort out what’s making her feel that way and/or communicate to him exactly why she is upset.”

“NTA, OP. I would definitely go pick up my significant other rather than have them stay at some random spot on the couch.”

“And, in her position, I’d much rather have my husband come pick me up so I could sleep/wake up in my own comfortable bed rather than hungover on some random couch.”  ~ atrocity__exhibition

“Whenever you’re worried about you’re significant other’s safety, it’s better to be on the cautious side and I definitely would’ve done the same thing.”

“I’d rather have my partner pissed at me than hurt/dead.”

“Not only that, but going to get her was simple kindness to the coworker and his wife who were nice enough to bring her to their house.”

“I’m sure that the last thing they wanted to deal with that night was a drunk OP’s wife, figuring out where she would sleep, dealing with the awkwardness the next morning, etc.”

“They were likely relieved when OP’s significant other called and wanted to come and pick her up.”

“OP, NTA.”  ~ m2cwf

“Three years ago I stopped at a friend’s house and my husband didn’t care for because she’s a heavy drinker.”

“I was actually out walking the dog and stopped for one drink (some form of vodka).”

“Four hours later she had to almost carry me home and I woke up in front of the toilet in my own vomit, with no memory.”

“My husband said if that ever happened again it was the end.”

“I haven’t touched vodka since.”

“Was he being controlling, I don’t care, he told me the truth, he will not put up with me in this condition and I don’t blame him.”

“I didn’t drink what I apparently drank on purpose, but honestly, I’m too old to be doing that crap, so I stopped. OP. NTA.”  ~ Limp-Outcome3164

“This does feel like the probable answer.”

“Unfortunately, until OP’s wife opens up and expresses herself in a straightforward manner, we have no way of knowing for sure, and neither does OP (almost).”

“It doesn’t help that other, more sinister possibilities also exist.”

“There’s also the possibility that OP’s wife has a crush on this colleague.”

“And in her drunken state, she thought she had a shot with him.”

“Part of her combative behavior could be a result of her embarrassment from possibly hitting on a married man in front of his wife.”

“In which case, it might help to ask the other guy’s wife about OP’s wife’s behavior.”

“It’s also possible that OP’s wife could be cheating on him with another man entirely and has interpreted OP’s actions, from the paranoid state of mind in which cheaters may find themselves.”

“As a sign that he’s on to her.”  ~ WriteMeBrah

“NTA – I think she is over reacting.”

“One of the most romantic things my now husband ever did when we started dating back in college coming to my dorm when he thought I sounded super drunk to keep an eye on me.”

“He went to another university so had to drive across town on a week day.”

“This was the moment I knew how much he cared about me.”

“I can understand your wife being a little annoyed if she felt you didn’t trust her, and that is a conversation worth having.”

“But it wasn’t controlling to go and pick her up.” ~ Dezdrecca

“NTA. She didn’t tell you she wanted to stay there the night.”

“She told you she wasn’t able to walk to the train station.”

“It’s normal to assume she would rather be home, in her own bed.”

“I honestly think it’s really sweet of you to look after your wife.”

“It’s sad that she doesn’t see it that way.”  ~ MaybeAWalrus

Well OP you seem to have a situation on your hands.

Thankfully everyone is home safe, maybe not so sound.

It certainly does feel like it’s time for a serious talk.

Good luck.