Never come between a mother and her baby.
Also, it’s probably not a good idea to try to hold a baby while drinking.
Holding infants and a cocktail can be a dangerous maneuver.
It’s not a party trick.
Redditor ImaginaryBoard9624 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to let my sister’s fiancé hold our baby after he openly mocked my parenting in front of my whole family?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (30 F[emale]) have a 6-month-old baby.”
“My sister (28 F) has been dating her fiancé for only 3 months.”
“I’ve met him a few times before.”
“Yesterday, we were at a family BBQ.”
“I was holding my baby, and he comes up, already kinda drunk, reaches out, and I was like, please don’t touch him, he’s been fussy today.”
“He literally laughs and says loudly, ‘Oh, come on your overprotective. Babies cry, you need to toughen him up.’”
“Then he tried to grab the baby while I was holding him.”
“I stepped back, and he kept joking, ‘Stop being so paranoid, babies are easy, you just make it worse!’”
“Everyone was laughing nervously, but I could tell they thought he was being rude.”
“My sister didn’t do anything.”
“I told my sister after the party that he can’t hold my baby at our house or at any family thing.”
“She got super mad and said I was overreacting, and I can’t control people.”
“I feel like it’s about safety and respect, not control.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“A man who had been drinking was trying to grab your baby away from you.”
“Not only does he not get to hold the baby, but I would also refuse to be around him after that.”
“He does not sound safe. NTA.” ~ Important_Peach_7422
“I shudder to think of what the sister’s boyfriend thinks he has the right to do to ‘toughen up’ someone else’s 6-month-old baby against his mother’s wishes.”
“I would never leave my kid alone with him, and I would be keeping an eye on the sister as well. NTA.” ~ NeatNefariousness1
“Thank you for pointing that out.”
“When I read that he said that to OP, I felt the same way, terrified for any children he may have down the road.”
“What an ignorant bully he is.”
“I hope with all my heart that OP tells her sister he said this and that she realizes that he is an abuser.”
“Even worse, because he WAS drunk, it brought out his true colors. NTA.” ~ Capable_Restaurant11
“NTA. A drunk man should not be trusted to hold a baby, and the role of being your sister’s fiancé doesn’t mean much when he’s only been dating your sister for 3 months.”
“You did the right thing, and I wouldn’t trust him at future gatherings, either.” ~ BigBackeron
“NTA. So your sister‘s half-drunk, rude, disrespectful fiancé tries to grab your baby; then your sister does absolutely nothing to try to stop him.”
“And she thinks you’re the a**hole?”
“There are a couple of a**holes in this scene, but you definitely are not one of them.”
“P.S. If your sister goes through with the marriage to this arrogant know-it-all, I believe she will have buyer’s remorse before a year goes by.” ~ Intelcourier
“NTA. You may not be able to control people, but you have every right to decide who holds your baby.”
“And it isn’t him.” ~ MrBaileyBoo
“NTA. Your sister is absolutely incorrect.”
“You CAN control people who hold your baby.” ~ Aggravating_Baker557
“NTA. Just because your sister decided to marry a stranger doesn’t mean your baby (that is not a toy) can be trusted in his care.”
“I wouldn’t allow any unsupervised time with either of them because your sister will give him the baby just to prove a point now.” ~ BennetSis
“3-month fiancé?”
“Child’s father didn’t intervene?”
“Sister didn’t distract her drunk 3-month fiancé?”
“No holding the baby?”
“Who cares about holding the baby!”
“Some drunk man you hardly know confronts you, tries to take your child from you!”
“Your sister is correct, you cannot control people.”
“But that doesn’t mean you can’t have boundaries and control over yourself. NTA.” ~ Only-upvibes
“Trying to grab the baby from you whilst he’s under the influence is a terrible move.”
“Absolutely NTA.”
“Saying he can never hold the baby in the future?”
“I think you should never say ‘never’ and see if he shows some repentance and behavior adjustment first.”
“But still NTA.” ~ NoBluejay8766
“NTA. You can’t prevent people from doing their own thing, OP, but you are absolutely allowed to control whether this boyfriend holds your child or not.”
“Ignore your sister for now.”
“Talk to other members of your family.”
“Whatever he wants to SAY about your coddling of your child, the fact that he drunkenly tried to take your child after you told him no is out of line.”
“Make sure you’ve got some other family members lined up on your side.”
“Drunk dudes who have been dating your sister for less than a full season don’t get to hold the baby unless you really, really like them.”
“That’s not this guy.” ~ rockology_adam
“Yeah, parenting style is completely irrelevant here, drunk or not, a person tried to take a baby out of their mother’s hands was told ‘no’ then tried to ignore the ‘no’ by attempting to take the baby again.”
“That is a huge red flag behavior, and the drunkenness and disregard for a parent’s boundary regarding their own child just makes this whole thing a lot worse.”
“There is no way I would be allowing him or anyone condoning his behaviour near my baby, let alone trusting them alone with my baby.” ~ Environmental_Art591
“NTA… nobody has any right to…”
“1)just try to GRAB your baby against your wishes…”
“2) tell you how to parent YOUR baby.”
“Clearly, this guy sucks, and I hope your sister sees that sooner rather than later.” ~ Viola_Blacks
“NTA, especially because drunk people should be shooed away from holding the baby anyway.”
“You weren’t wrong to start with, and your sister is extra wrong for thinking you’re overreacting.”
“Her overly-quick fiancé isn’t a safe adult for children based on wanting to drunk-carry the baby and wanting to ‘toughen up’ a baby.” ~ Various-Grape-6525
“NTA.”
“1) I would never allow a drunk person to hold my baby…”
“2) I would never let anyone hold my baby who believes babies should be ‘toughened up’…”
“3) I would never trust my sister to babysit because she tolerates and defends this guy. NTA.” ~ oldyorker123
“My dad called the cops on my uncle (mom’s brother) in almost the same situation when I was a baby.”
“He was drunk and ended up making me cry with his antics.”
“I wasn’t hurt, just scared.”
“Mom wasn’t mad at Dad, but she was upset with her brother.”
“He was never allowed back.”
“And went to jail for the night.”
“NTA, protect your kid.” ~ therealsatansweasel
“He was being dangerous.”
“That man is a danger to everyone around him.”
“He thinks he can just take what he wants without consent.”
“Never let him near your child. NTA.” ~ sezit
“You can’t control people, but you sure as hell can dictate who holds your child.”
“NTA. I wouldn’t let a drunk a**hole mock me then take my fussy baby.” ~ Gnomer81
“NTA. She is correct, you can’t control other people.”
“You can, and should, control who interacts with your baby, and NO means NO.” ~ SuspiciousCod1090
“He was drunk, so I see why you didn’t want him to hold your baby… NTA.” ~ GurLive7481
“NTA – Drunk strangers don’t get baby handling privileges.”
“If they stay together and he actually makes an effort to not be an AH and apologizes for this incident, maybe he can hang out with the kid at family events in the future, still doesn’t get to touch them though.” ~ Sweetsmyle
“You certainly can’t control people, but you can absolutely control who holds or interacts with your baby, and it certainly isn’t going to be a stupid, drunk dude. NTA.” ~ happyhippy1019
“NTA, you told him not to touch your baby.”
“Then he persisted in trying to grab your child while drunk.”
“Then he told you that you need to ‘toughen him up’ at 6 months old?”
“It’s also disappointing that your sister didn’t intervene or say anything to him to stop him.” ~ duckster25
“NTA of course, but she’s been dating him for 3 months, and they’re engaged?”
“And he was drunk at a family BBQ?”
“Somebody should control him because he’s out of control.”
“Where was your baby’s father to back you up?”
“If he’s not in the picture, you need to be even more assertive with your child.”
“Your baby is 6 months old.”
“He’s not a football.”
“Let your sister be mad.”
“Make her even madder by never letting her ‘fiancé’ near your baby.’
“And let them both know that he is not going to be the fun uncle.”
“He’s going to be the uncle everyone tells the kids not to get too close to.” ~ Malibucat48
“NTA, only the parents get a say in who holds the baby.”
“I personally love babies and have calmed many when the parents couldn’t; however, if the parents say no, then I do not hold the baby.”
“I even ask permission to look at babies in carriers and strollers, and respect the parents’ decision.” ~ Diligent-Touch-5456
“NTA, I don’t think you were overreacting, but it doesn’t matter, even if you were, it your baby, you can make your own decisions regarding your baby.”
“You set your boundaries, and that’s final.”
“Nobody touches your baby unless you agree to it.” ~ irenehollimon
Reddit has your back, OP.
You were protecting your child.
You did what was necessary.
Your sister has some serious relationship thinking to do.
Good Luck.