You would think adult guests would be respectful when being invited over to someone else’s home. But if a person’s conduct is seen as unacceptable, what is the proper course of action?
That was the issue facing Redditor goldencain1410, a 31-year-old woman whose fiancé’s friend, Chris, made himself a little too comfortable in their home when he was visiting for a night of Dungeons and Dragons with a group of people.
When she confronted Chris about his behavior, the consequence of their fallout resulted in the entire DnD group suffering.
Feeling really bad about the drama, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for ruining my fiancé’s DND game?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“My fiancé (29 M) plays DnD, and while it’s not my (31 F) thing, I obviously don’t mind. He’s a bit anxious and doesn’t easily make friends.”
“He was so excited when he joined a DnD group and met new people. I like the group members, except for Chris who’s kind of frat-ish. He constantly makes disparaging ‘jokes’ about his wife.”
“He calls her ‘the Old Ball and Chain’ unironically and says shit like, ‘I gotta call the Warden and ask for permission first.’ I don’t know why a twenty-something man talks like a 1950s oil tycoon, but here we are.”
“He also doesn’t contribute when people bring communal snacks to DnD. Which brings me to my point. I don’t drink often, but I will sometimes buy a nice (~$50) bottle of vodka.”
“A serving on the rocks makes me feel like an adult in a way I can neither explain nor justify. When we have guests over, we set out assorted drinks/snacks/etc. If they want something specific, they have to bring it or ask.”
“Awhile ago, Fiancé held a DnD session at our house. I greeted everyone and then made myself scarce. Later, I came out only to find Chris in our kitchen, opening my new vodka.”
“I told him, ‘Hey, I thought we told you, but you’re supposed to ask first. That’s not for guests. It’s a bit pricey.'”
“Instead of addressing me, Chris turned to Fiancé and said, ‘What’s hers is yours, right? Welcome to marriage!’ I was floored. Chris then said, ‘You don’t mind me having some, right?’ And poured before I could answer.”
“The group was waiting on him to resume playing, so I let it go (my first mistake, for those keeping score.) After everyone left, Fiancé confirmed that Chris hadn’t asked him either before taking my vodka.”
“This past weekend, DnD happened again. I came out to get some water, and Chris was once again helping himself to my vodka. But here’s what totally broke my brain: Chris had BYOB’d, and yet he was still drinking mine.”
“I marched right over and complained. Chris either ignored me or didn’t hear, so I asked why he was taking mine when he’d brought his own.”
“He said mine was ‘nicer’ and ‘You don’t have to be such a b*tch about it. It’s a little vodka. Are you an alcoholic or are you just cheap?'”
“I told him to leave. Not politely. Chris kept saying ‘this is bullsh*t’ over and over, collected his stuff, and stormed out. After, things were very awkward. The group agreed he shouldn’t have called me a b*tch, but well … Chris was the DM [dungeon master].”
“I don’t know a lot about DnD, but without him, there’s no game. They have to either keep playing somewhere else with him or start a new campaign that excludes him.”
“Everyone asked me if he’s banished forever or if he can come back to our house, and I didn’t know what to tell them. I would let Chris back if he apologized, but somehow I don’t think I should hold my breath.”
“I feel really bad. Fiancé was so excited about this game, and I may have ended it. Fiancé supports me, ftr, but he’s worried Chris will cause future problems.”
“AITA?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought she was not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA. Chris is the a**hole. You told him not to and he’s still taking the vodka. And he should always ask!”
“It can be very hard to find a DM but with his attitude I doubt he’s a good one. He seems like the type to retaliate against a player for going against him. There’s a good chance others are sick of him too.”
“Is your fiancé guilting you about this?” – pnutbuttercups56
In response, the OP answered:
“Fiancé thought I should have hidden the bottle, which a few other people said, but beyond that, he’s only upset he didn’t defend me. It all happened so quickly.”
“He’s been talking to the group, and they agree that 1. you can’t call people names like that, and 2. Chris is a bad DM (You were spot on!)”
The Redditor responded with some insight on how to possibly continue the game without Chris as the Dungeon Master.
“Yeah that’s what I thought. I assumed it happened fast so I didn’t ask why fiancé didn’t stop him initially or help. But they all helped by not supporting Chris.”
“One of my thoughts was hide the alcohol but you shouldn’t have to do that in your own home especially when everyone else acts like an adult. And Chris wouldn’t just go looking for it. NTA.”
“I don’t think anyone in the party thinks so. The way you described him there’s no way they were having as much fun as they could have been?”
“Are they all newer players or are some people long time players? If they are all new maybe see if they are interested in taking turns running one shots! Being DM is a lot of work and everyone needs to pull the books out and check and maybe they could have fun helping each other while running the one shots.”
“They can even use the same characters if they want. Tell them to check out dmsguild.com! They have free one shots and pay what you want stuff as well. They also have supplements and guides to running book campaigns.”
“The group seems eager to play and maybe one of them will try to take on the helm of DM. If you’re into it maybe you can play in a one shot too. Those can be as short as one session.”
More NTA judgments continued.
“You’ve got more balls than your fiance. IT’S YOUR HOUSE. Don’t hide stuff in your own house. Why accommodate an asshole when they can respect your boundaries.” – hryelle
“On so many levels NTA – Chris is rude, sexist & clearly misogynistic.” – Jumpy-Community-4701
“NTA. He is why so many women have historically been excluded from the game.”
“F’ker rolled a natural 1 on being a decent human being.” – knitlikeaboss
“NTA, I’m familiar with DND, sounds like a great time for one of them to start their own campaign. Chris sounds horrible.” – Regular_Sample_5197
“NTA. Chris overstepped. As a D&D player myself, he sounds like he has the makings of a player who wouldn’t/shouldn’t be at the table at all if he wasn’t the DM.”
“That said, it is not uncommon for the DM to not bring snacks to these things. Many tables have a sort of soft rule about that: The DM’s putting in extra work to get the game to happen, so the players bring the extras.”
“For example, my last group of players always bought pizza for the table but also insisted I (as their DM) did not have to chip in.”
“But that rule isn’t blanket permission to raid a player’s pantry.”
“Chris owes you an apology. And if he can’t or won’t give you one, the group should find a new place to play or play on without him – their call. And, frankly, you’re within your rights to tell the group that so long as they are guests in your home.”
“There is a risk that they remove your husband from the group over this, but then they would be the a**holes.” – N_Who
Overall, Redditors identified Chris as the problem here, and they expressed empathy for the OP’s fiancé and his DnD group for the sudden disruption to their game.
Hopefully, the group would be able to designate a new DM or find someone else to join the group who won’t help themselves to the expensive vodka without permission.