Mom Called Out After Insisting Boyfriend's Kids Eat The Dinner She Made Or Go Hungry

Dinnertime isn't always fun.

When it comes to the household dinner menu, kids can be fickle.

Some parents can whip up several items at once.

Other parents go with one item and one menu.

These options can lead to some stressful mealtimes.

Redditor Grouchy-Pride5486 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

She asked:

"AITA for telling my boyfriend's kids to eat what's for dinner or don't eat at all?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I, 27 F[emale] have been with my B[oy]F[riend], 30 for a little over a year now."

"We recently moved in together."

"I have an 8-year-old from an ex, and my boyfriend has 2 kids ages 6 and 9."

"Since we moved in together, I now have his children every weekend, and he works Fridays, so I am alone with them until he is off work."

"Friday night, I made meatloaf with roasted broccoli and mashed potatoes."

"My son eats well; he knows to eat the best he can, and if he don't finish his food that's okay, but he at least has to eat the most he can unless he doesn't want a before bedtime snack."

"I hold my boyfriend's children to these same rules, which we haven't had any issues with until Friday night."

"Neither of the kids liked the food."

"The 9-year-old ate it, the 6-year-old refused, in which I said I'm not making you another meal, so he went to bed without dinner."

"When my boyfriend got home, his 6-year-old was complaining he was hungry, and my boyfriend got upset with me that I refused to make him something else."

"I told him I wouldn't hold his children to different rules than my child."

"He got upset and ended up making him something else to eat."

"Then he told me that it was horrible of me to 'deny a child dinner' and blamed it on his young age, explaining I had to be more lenient."

"I explained that I had raised a young child before, and I was once a young child and followed those same rules, which just resulted in a huge argument and him calling me ignorant."

"Today, we got a call from my boyfriend's ex, and now the children don't want to come over until Saturday or Friday night, late when my boyfriend is off work."

"This caused another big argument between my boyfriend and I."

"He once again called me an ignorant a-hole and said I needed to change my way of thinking.'

"Add: I did not force this kid to go to bed hungry; I suggested that he eat a larger portion of his mash potatoes and smaller portion of other things which he refused, and he didn't want to make anything else himself."

The OP was left to wonder:

"AITA?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole. But a ton of Redditors had varying opinions.

"YTA. I'm assuming that you're well intentioned and feel that this is the most helpful approach for kids' development, so you're not TA for that - but this approach is outdated and not helpful for development."

"It teaches kids to ignore their own bodily sensations, hunger cues, etc., which makes it harder for them to self-regulate their own eating and food choices in the future."

"It can also create a negative/punitive relationship with food."

"Even if it is working for you, kid, not every kid is the same, and may not work for your boyfriend's kids."

"It's not ok to have a child go without dinner (or without food for an extended period when they're hungry)."

"The main part of YTA, though, is that this isn't your child."

"You don't get to decide how to parent the child, especially if the child's parents both agree on how the child should be parented and treated, and you're trying to go against that."

"If you are unwilling to care for the kids in any other way, then you need to tell your boyfriend that you can't look after them for mealtimes and accept however he decides to proceed around that."

"You DEFINITELY don't get to be annoyed that the kids don't want to come over for those mealtimes."

"I would also refuse to spend time around someone who made me experience significant physical discomfort and denied me access to food." ~ shark_grrl

"If my kid doesn't like what I cooked, she has to make herself a slice of bread with peanut butter or cheese and a piece of fruit."

"Basically, she needs to eat something that will fuel her body, and she has to make it (adding nothing to my plate, as it were)."

"I would not appreciate my kid being sent to bed without anything to eat, especially if it wasn't mine or their dad's call. YTA." ~ InterestingNarwhal82

"I was with you until you said you sent them to bed without dinner because they wouldn't make themselves something."

"I'm sorry, wtf?"

"The child is SIX."

"Where in the world is a SIX-year-old making their own dinner?"

"It's also cruel to send a six-year-old to bed without eating."

"It takes 2 seconds to make them a sandwich. YTA." ~ greaseychips

"YTA ...because in your OP and replies, you sound extremely adversarial to this kid."

"Like why are you acting like a 6-year-old is out to get you and you have to show him who's boss?"

"Maybe this whole cohabitation thing is hard, and you could be a bit more nurturing." ~ SparklyIsMyFaveColor

"NTA, and you should think about moving out."

"And breaking up, after being called 'ignorant.'"

"You were raised in a different way; that doesn't make you ignorant."

"I was raised the same way; eat what's served, or you don't get to eat."

"But you do say there were no issues until this one dinner."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Was there anything especially different about the food?"

"Meatloaf and potatoes sounds pretty standard."

"There are jokes about people not liking broccoli, which I never understood, as I always liked it, but kids generally gravitate to meat and potatoes, so it sounds like there were other things they could've eaten."

"What made this meal different?" ~ stroppo

"Sorry, but YTA."

"Doesn't matter if YOU followed those rules before."

"The way you handled this encourages disordered eating."

"Even children have likes and dislikes just like you."

"Nobody wants to be forced to eat something they dislike."

"Figure out what they DO like and work WITH them."

"Not against them." ~ dj-anxiety5

"YTA. This child is 6."

"They are still developing the ability to predict future consequences based on current actions."

"That means they do not fully grasp that not eating dinner now means being hungry later."

"Not to mention this rule doesn't seem to be in place in their other household."

"They are being held to two different sets of expectations when it comes to meals."

"You are trying to enforce logic and reasoning on someone who does not yet possess logic and reasoning."

"You need to ask yourself if you'd rather be right on principle or be responsible for making a child go hungry." ~ Ok-Translator6897

A few Reddiors felt the exact opposite...

"I was raised the same way as you, but I then had a son who refused to eat meat. Refused."

"Would go without dinner, would try and throw up, would cry."

"I'm sure calling about a 2,3, 4-year-olds."

"He wasn't manipulative."

"He just hated it."

"The day I let it go was the best day ever."

"He eats all the veggies, shrimp, crab, rice, quinoa."

"He just hates meat and potatoes." ~ CalmFront7908

"NTA, the 6-year-old was given a sandwich by OP at 5, was offered a nice dinner at 630, and refused even to take 3 bites."

"The OP's useless man came home at 8."

"This child wasn't starving, and the OP also told the 6-year-old, 'Then you can make yourself food/sandwiches,' and the kid refused."

"So what do you all want from OP??"

"You all love to throw around that this is how disordered eating starts."

"Maybe this is what the household can afford or is nutritionally sound."

"Children would eat garbage and sugar 24/7, so sorry that an adult is trying to give them a proper meal."

"The child had eaten a sandwich at 5, and dad came home at 8."

"I think people are acting like this child was starved when likely he was acting his age and throwing a tantrum/power play."

"OP did right standing her ground."

"OP, this merging of families isn't going well."

"And your man seems like an unappreciative d**k."

"Rethink this relationship." ~ fortunatelyso

"This is my take as well."

"The 6-year-old isn't starving to death, food isn't being withheld, the adult offered that the six year old could make a sandwich or cereal."

"The 6-year-old had several options, all of which they refused."

"It's not child abuse to give the kid several options food options, but refuse to cook a whole second meal."

"That seems like a reasonable boundary. NTA." ~ Mysterious-Cake-7525

"NTA. A lot of missing info."

"Nowhere in here does it say that 6 has special dietary needs."

"Just picky, or only wants what they want to eat."

"A big a** red flag from BF!!!"

"Good thing this happened because it would be more grievous to leave after marriage."

"Came in like a freight train with his anger."

"You're not a restaurant! Geesh!" ~ Alfred-Register7379

"Agree complete,y NTA."

"I'm shocked how many people have made the OP the villain."

"It's almost like people forgot how manipulative kids can be!"

"The child may be 6, but is definitely old enough to know what buttons to push.

"It sounds more like the 6-year-old knows how to turn his biological parents against the OP." ~ MBHBoMax20

"NTA. If he doesn't like your free babysitting, then he can hire a nanny for his children."

"I'm curious how many nights a week he watches and cooks for your child alone." ~ yourlittlebirdie

"If the child was starving to death, they would eat the food they dislike. I dunno."

"I grew up as a picky eater."

"I hate that I was a picky eater, and as an adult, I push myself to try lots of food and have a varied diet."

"I read a lot on picky eating."

"And from everything I've read, letting kids not eat dinner and giving them whatever else to eat leads to picky eating."

"From what I understand, offer them varied food."

"They can have extra portions of what is made (like extra potatoes)."

"But what is for dinner is what's for dinner."

"Constantly giving in to give them something else leads children to become picky and parents making way too many meals."

"I find it odd the amount of people freaking out about a kid going to bed hungry."

"If the kid is truly hungry, they would have eaten more food/potatoes, which was something they did like." ~ ttbtinkerbell

Several readers felt there was plenty of blame to go around...

"ESH, only because of his age."

"Kids shouldn't go to be hungry when they don't need to."

"Your BF sucks for being rude and calling you names."

"It's wild that he expects you to have his kid for most of the day yet wants to call you names when your parenting styles differ."

"He needs to pick a lane."

"That being said, I understand your rule, and I, too, grew up on that."

"However, if I didn't like the food, I would have to make my own food, sandwich, cereal, cup noodles etc.; if that wasn't available my mom would do something quick and simple."

"Not a whole new meal, just something for me to eat."

"It's not a good lesson for a child to be forced to eat something they don't want or be hungry."

"Seems kind of like a power play on your part, too, to be honest."

"If you refused to make him something simple like a sandwich."

"There is definitely a middle ground between teaching them to try new food and to be grateful for what they have and going to bed hungry because he didn't want to eat your food." ~ tempuratemptations

"ESH, his kids are over for 3 days a week to see him, and he only sees them for basically 2 days a week... basically you are used as free childcare and kids can push boundaries which will/can cause issues in your relationship like this."

"On your side, I understand where you are coming from, but his kids are parented differently clearly, and you probably went into automatically with what works with your kid, which isn't the same for every kid."

"The kids coming over a bit late is for the best, but this also means you and your partner need to discuss what to do if this happens again/how to parent each other's kids because this can cause major relationship issues down the line." ~ ludicrously

"ESH. You guys are blending your families together and have to figure out what the 'house rules' are going to be so there is consistency."

"You and your partner need to discuss what these boundaries are going to be and mutually agree and to be honest should have done so prior to moving in together."

"I understand not wanting to make a totally separate meal, but most households do have alternative options if there is a non-preferred meal."

"At our house, my 4-year-old has to at least try whatever we are having for dinner."

"If he genuinely doesn't like it, then the options are leftovers, meat/cheese/veggie tray, soup, etc." ~ Thegetupkids678

Reddit is all over the place, OP.

Hopefully, you were able to cobble together some useful advice.

This may require a third-party intervention.

Maybe a little family counseling is needed.

Not seeing eye to eye on this subject could cause a lot of stress in your relationship.

Good luck!