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Woman Sets Off Estranged Father After Buying Lifelong Nanny A Home Instead Of His Family

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When family becomes estranged, reconnecting can be difficult if not impossible.

When the estrangement is between a parent and child, it’s especially painful.

But when the parent decides to reenter their child’s life, is the child obligated to go along?

Do they owe anything to their parent?

A woman dealing with her estranged father turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

EmotionalFan4852 asked:

“AITA for buying my former nanny a house instead of my dad?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“So I (30, female) recently bought a house for my former nanny. My entire childhood I was raised by my nanny ‘Jane’ as my mom was the breadwinner and my dad wasn’t in the picture at all.”

“Jane attended every after-school activity, graduation, and parent-teacher conference. Jane basically raised me and I see her as my second mom.”

“My mom employed Jane as a nanny/housekeeper from when I was 2 until I was 28, when my mom passed away due to cancer. As a result, I inherited everything.”

“My mom was a successful surgeon with her own practice and my grandparents left her with a few properties in her home country. I have since rented the properties out giving me a good rental income.”

“Well after my mom passed away, Jane was there for me, she helped me make all of the funeral arrangements and contact relatives from my mom’s home country. After she helped me through this difficult time, I wanted to do something nice to thank Jane.”

“As a birthday gift I surprised Jane with the deed to a 2 bed, 2 bath house in an area of the country she had always talked about wanting to retire at. Jane tried to decline the gift, saying it was too much, but I told her she was like a second mother to me and that this was the least I could do for her as thanks for raising me.”

“Well, somehow, word got back to my dad that I had bought a house for Jane, and he turned up at my mom’s old practice demanding to talk to me. I didn’t even know who the man was as I’ve seen him less than 20 times in my entire life.”

“He claimed to be my father and yelled at me for ‘buying a house for a stranger’ over someone who is family and says he and his family of 5 have been struggling financially.”

“He even had the audacity to say that I should buy a house for him and my half-siblings (who I have never met) because they are my blood family, and I owe it to them.”

“I laughed in his face and told him that Jane had been far more involved in my life growing up than he ever had and that I didn’t care if he was struggling financially. Security then escorted him to his car and made sure he left the property.”

“My dad’s side of the family have now been trying to reach out through Facebook. Complete strangers who I’ve never met saying I’m an a**hole and that my mom never let him be part of my life.”

“I know this is false since I remember my mom calling him over the years, asking him to pick me up on the weekends to spend time with me, and he never did.”

“I tried to talk with my friend Aiden (34, male) about this problem, who recently reconnected with his dad, who he hadn’t seen since he was six due to his dad being incarcerated.”

“Aiden told me that my dad probably had a good reason for abandoning me and that I’m the a**hole because ‘some people don’t even have dads’. I reminded him I was one of those people and now he’s refusing to talk to me.”

“So Reddit AITA?”

The OP summed up their situation.

“I had my dad escorted out of the building after he tried to ‘reconcile’ and get me to buy him a house. My friend says I am the a**hole for this.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors unanimously declared the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“Your financial largess is not your father’s business. NTA. If you don’t launch the ship – never stand on the dock with your hand out when it returns.”

“‘You made another family, all the while ignoring being family to me? Do you even know what color my eyes are or what my favorite color is? You might be father figure to someone else. But never me. So, yeah. Your life sucks pal. Good luck with that’.”

Greed is a bastard. And your friend has no depth of background to appreciate what you are going through or to judge you. None.”

“So, that friend can STHU. You don’t get to have a spoken opinion when you don’t know what its like to be me.” ~ AndSoItGoes24

“NTA. And OP is 30. Dad could have reached out when she was 18 and no longer a minor living with mom.” ~ Some-Store4776

“That friend is upset because his parent was incarcerated when he was young. And is taking it out on OP, because they feel like they missed out due to this.”

“Whereas OP’s father wasn’t incarcerated and had a choice in not seeing OP. That friend should not be projecting onto them, although I can see why they’d react poorly due to their situation.”

“NTA. Jane was there for you in more ways than this excuse for a ‘father’ will or ever has been. I bet you Jane’s house that if he hadn’t heard about the property, you wouldn’t have heard from him again either.” ~ Ali_Cat222

“NTA—I hope that you pointed out that you don’t actually know if he’s your father since you haven’t seen him in so long that you don’t recognize him.” ~ NobodyButMyShadow

“Your mom sounds like she was a wonderful and caring person, as well, to help arrange retirement income and assets. It could be normal in most countries but not so much in the US. You both have done well by Jane.”

“NTA on your Dad, though. Sounds like he’s only around to make sure he gets his slice.” ~ Consistent-Ad4436

“This is important. He only wants to be considered family now that you have money.”

“OP knows what he is and is looking for justification for feeling that way towards the bio-daddy.”

“NTA, OP has every right to turn their back on this money-hungry person.” ~ backgate1

“NTA! Your sperm donor and his flying monkeys can just fly on by—you don’t owe them so much as a hello.”

“As for Aiden, he doesn’t get to compare his family dynamics with yours. He’s comparing apples to radiators!” ~ Ok_Conversation9750

“And even IF he had a good reason, or OP’s Mom was somehow preventing him from contacting her, his first attempt to contact her was to DEMAND money and berate her for helping someone else.”

“He did not ask to rebuild the relationship, he did not even ask how she is doing, the only thing that motivated him was OP’s inheritance and what she did with it.”

“That’s ample proof that whatever reason he had for abandoning her he is now a entitled piece of sh*t.” ~ dalaigh93

“NTA and screw Aiden and anyone who says your dad ‘had a good reason for abandoning’ you. Also, WTF? I’d love to hear a logical example of how he had to abandon YOU but went on to father and raise other kids!”

“If your dad had any ‘reason’ to abandon you when he was able to be a father, he would have come to you, explained, apologized, asked how he could reconnect with you, and honored your response.”

“He didn’t reach out when he was actively parenting his other kids or even when your mom died, only when he realized you had an inheritance.”

“He still doesn’t want to be your father, he just wants your money!”

“You must feel bad about losing your friend, but you shouldn’t. He isn’t worthy of you, so walk away with your head held high.” ~ JustWatchin2021

“Exactly! Can I call Aiden a complete jacka**? Because what kind of person says that to a friend whose father abandoned them? He even said it in a way that makes it sound like she deserved it … as a child.”

“OP, Aiden is not your friend. I love that Jane was always there for you and that your mother had the foresight to take care of her in the long run.”

“Block the sperm donor and never think about him again. Live your best life and keep Jane as part of your chosen family.” ~ Adorable_Strength319

“NTA, Aiden is projecting. His dad was unable to take care of him because he was incarcerated.”

“Your dad was free but taking care of his second family, and you became important only when he heard you got rich and are generous.” ~ atealein

“NTA, and you can cut Aiden off with your dad. His own story might be different, but that doesn’t mean he has any right to judge you and how you choose to handle your relationship to your sperm donor.” ~ Ok_Childhood_9774

While the OP’s friend didn’t support her, Reddit definitely had her back.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.