Redditor blowbakoka has always had a dog in their life, whereas their previous boyfriend had previously never had a pet.
Based on this knowledge, you would think one was more qualified than the other about an important decision pertaining to their pet dog.
But alas, a unilateral decision was made that contributed to the dissolution of their relationship.
The Redditor visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for taking our dog to get euthanized after my ex refused to go through with it?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Context: My ex boyfriend has only owned this one dog in his life. We got him 4 years ago. He developed an aggressive form of cancer.”
“My ex did not want to go through with putting him to sleep, and he yelled a lot any time I brought it up. He even yelled at the vet and stormed out when she was outlining quality of life and when to know.”
“I have always had a dog in my life. Have had to put down 4 in my life.”
“This all happened about 5 weeks ago. Our dog was having pretty bad seizures at this point in time. Any time I brought it up, my ex would start screaming at me and crying. I get it, I do.”
“At the same time though, I can’t leave something we basically agreed to take care of suffering like that. It’s a duty to give your pet an easy death.”
“Essentially he went to work and I took a day off to take our dog for a treat ride/food and then to put him down. I didn’t tell my ex until he got home and we had a huge fight over it.”
“I feel bad he couldn’t say goodbye, but our dogs well-being comes before that. We obviously broke up.”
“He told a lot of his family members about what had happened. Even now a month after I still get messages from his family insulting me and telling me I am a bad person. Even some of my own family are doing it.”
“Aita.”
Stranges online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
A majority of Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole in the situation.
“I will tell you what our Vet told us ‘you not only did the right thing, you did the KIND thing’ for your pet.”
“We owe our pets kindness in return for the love and devotion they give us.”
“NTA and sorry for your loss.” – YeeHawMiMaw
“99.9% NTA.”
“His allowing the dog to be in pain and having to suffer through it – just so he could still have it around was him being the AH. You were being a good owner. You put the needs of the dog over your emotions.”
“The only reason for the 0.1% was that you should have told him that you will be taking off on the day and will be taking the dog to the vet to be euthanized, just to allow him the ability to say good bye.”
“Change your number. Or block theirs.” – MersWhaawhaa
“Oh you’re absolutely an a**hole for taking the choice out of his hands. You made a choice for him that was his to make, and gave him no voice in the matter.”
“BUT…..you also did completely the right thing. The dog was suffering and he couldn’t face the reality of the issue, so you took on both the burden of making the right choice, and the burden of his (justified) anger and hurt.”
“Sometimes you gotta be the a**hole so that others can keep their consciences clean. You did good.” – dirtyoldsocklife
“Yeah I can’t actually begrudge what she did here.”
“Given the impression seems to be that even if she told the ex ‘I’m doing this come to the vet now to say goodbye’ he’d try to stop it. He was just actually putting his own feelings above the dogs well being. There’s no real… compromise, with that.” – GyroThrowAway
“It was her dog too. So she’s not actually the a**hole in any way, shape, or form. She had as much right to make this choice as he did.”
“The fact that they didn’t put the dog down for weeks shows that she respected his choice in EXACTLY the way he wasn’t respecting hers.”
“NTA. OP, block every family member giving you sh*t for this. You did the right thing.” – JadieJang
“Exactly. Forcing a suffering animal to continue living counts as animal abuse in my book, and is incredibly cruel. This dog didn’t have a good life anymore, putting him down was the best choice.”
“OP did what was best for him out of love for the dog. Not saying ex didn’t love the dog, but his choice of keeping the dog alive despite everything was a selfish one that didn’t benefit their dog.” – Jatulintarha
“OP did the right thing. She faced reality and didn’t hide from it like her ex. The dog was in pain, but the man just cared about himself that he didn’t want to let go. But as a pet owner you need to put the pet before your own feelings.”
“He didn’t want to hear about putting the dog down. He robbed himself from the possibility to say good-bye. Even after the poor animal had seizures, he wanted to keep it alive for his iwn benefit. To wait any longer would have been just cruel.”
“NTA it was also OPs dog. She didn’t put him down for fun. I’m sure the dog is thankful that she released him from the suffering.” – Sheeps_n_Birds
“NTA. I would have done the same. His feelings about it will heal. Or maybe he will be angry with you forever, I don’t know.”
“Yes, it sucks that BF didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. But judging from what you write in your post he would never actually be ready to do so and doggo would have to suffer indefinitely because their human wasn’t emotionally mature enough to do a difficult thing to spare them pain.”
“Either way, if you ask me, it is way more important to show mercy to an obviously suffering animal. They are dependant on us for their well being. You were forced to make an awful and shitty decision but IMO you chose right.” – ceeceetop
“NTA. I have had to put down two cats (one 20yrs old with kidney failure, another 8 months old with FIP) and it was hard but the right thing to do. My dad is a vet (not sure how he does it) that goes through this all the time and his clients love the compassion he gives them.”
“However, your ex is a major AH for letting the animal suffer, as are the family members (his and yours) throwing shade about this……yeah, would have been nice to allow him to say goodbye, but HE HAD 5 WEEKS to do so, so too bad.” – ValkyrieKarma
“NTA. As someone who had to put our dog down about 5 weeks ago also because of very aggressive cancer you had to do what you had to for the dog. When we learned about his diagnosis we talked about when we would have to help him.”
“It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I can understand why your now-ex didn’t want to deal with it, but someone had to be the adult.”
“His family is definitely TAH along with some of your family.”
“Sorry for your loss.” – JohnNDenver
“NTA and bullet dodged. The kind of person who can’t understand why euthanasia needs to happen, and the kind of person who grieves by attacking people verbally, is not ready for a committed relationship.”
“One or two outbursts during the anger stage, sure, but turning an entire family against you and screaming at paid professionals? That’s just childish.” – kharmatika
“NTA. Doing the right thing isn’t always easy, but that doesn’t make it any less right. You tried to talk to him about it, he consistently shut you down. There really wasn’t much else you could do.”
“I think it’s really commendable that you prioritised ending your dog’s suffering over your relationship. It absolutely SUCKS that you were forced into a situation where you had to choose, but that’s not your fault.”
“I’m really sorry for the loss of your dog and the end of the relationship. That’s a lot to go through all at once. If you get any more messages, block their number, block them on social media.”
“You don’t have to read that sh*t. Be kind to yourself and don’t be afraid to reach out for support if you need it.” – miasabine
Overall, Redditors thought the OP did the right thing by relieving their pet from further suffering.
And while few sympathized with the ex-boyfriend for having missed out on an opportunity to say goodbye to the dog, his combative behavior and the harassment by his family were not condoned.