Not all relationships are destined to last, even ones that have lasted for almost a decade.
And of course, if the couple lived together at all during that time, there are bound to be some arguments over who gets to keep which items, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
While still in the relationship, Redditor brambleburry1002 replaced their girlfriend’s bed that broke while they were living together.
But when she expected them to give her a refund to replace the still functional bed after they broke up, the Original Poster (OP) felt like she was using them.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to pay for my ex-girlfriend’s new bed?”
The OP was still on good terms with their ex-girlfriend.
“My ex and I were together for about nine years and broke up about one year ago.”
“We still have a good relationship and share some investments together where we are 50/50.”
Back when they were together, the OP bought a bed and let her keep it after they broke up.
“A few years after I moved into her house, our bed broke, and she blamed me. She had this bed before we met and told me that it was me who was really the cause.”
“In 2020, I purchased a new ottoman bed for us (with storage underneath) for £350, and we used it for about two years until we broke up.”
“She continued to use it after we broke up and is using it now.”
The ex-girlfriend needed a replacement for the second bed.
“The bed was not working correctly. There was something wrong with the hinges or it wasn’t closing properly; it still works as a bed, but the storage underneath is harder to access than before.”
“She contacted me last week to ask me if I received a refund from the bed company because she told them that the bed was faulty and they agreed.”
“They sent the refund to the card that was used for the purchase, which was mine.”
The former couple argued over who the refund belonged to.
“She also told me that I need to transfer the money to her so that she can buy a bed for herself since I ‘broke’ the other one.”
“I told her that she can buy her own bed now since we are not together and she is the one that is going to be using it.”
“She told me that the bed was a replacement for the one I broke originally.”
“I told her that she will have to buy her own bed.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some felt the OP was entitled to that money.
“NTA! You owe your ex absolutely nothing. You already purchased a replacement bed. She needs to move on and buy herself a new bed since she wants a new one. NTA!” – CosmicStarchild7
“So far, NTA. I know I’ll get downvoted, but hear me out. You made the sole purchase, she kept the bed as it was in her possession, so it’s hers.”
“But people are not pointing out she made a unilateral decision to get it refunded from the store before talking to him about it. She didn’t bring up, ‘Hey, I’m gonna return this; let’s talk about the money.’ She got a free bed that sounds like it works for the most part.”
“She made the unilateral decision and at no point talked to the store to find other options like a trade-in. Now she is entitled to the money on top of the bed she got and was using.”
“Something smells fishy. NTA.” – corax_lives
“NTA.”
“You bought the bed as a replacement for her old bed that she says you broke for some reason. What reason, she doesn’t know, but she gaslighted you into thinking it was your fault somehow.”
“Then, you used the new bed together for a year or two, and she continued to use it for over a year after your break-up, despite the fact she thought it was faulty? It’s been three years since the bed was bought, so why return it now that you’ve broken up for a while?”
“Eh, your ex-girlfriend sounds pretty shady, not gonna lie.”
“And it sounds like she asked for a refund rather than returned it, too. If she still has the bed and she can sleep in it, then you’re definitely not the AH. You might have left it with her when you left, but you paid for the bed in full.”
“Company policy is company policy; it’s your money, you’re no longer together and you don’t owe her a single dime.” – TheShinyLuxray33
“He isn’t claiming ownership. The bed is still hers. She gets to keep it and do with it whatever she wants. She just wants a free bed AND the money that paid for the bed. But while the bed is hers, the money that paid for the bed isn’t.”
“OP isn’t trying to take back the bed, he just isn’t going to transfer money to her for an item he 100% paid for. He already bought a bed for her and had to buy a new bed for himself after the breakup. He did enough.”
“Consider the full story:”
“They are together. He buys a bed with his money for them to use together.”
“They break up. He lets her keep the bed. He, again, has to buy a new bed.”
“The storage function seems broken on the bed the ex has. She asks for a full refund while getting to keep the bed.”
“The refund goes to OP because he fully purchased the bed. The ex still has a functional bed, with a minor flaw. She doesn’t get to keep the bed AND get the refund.”
“In my book, this 100% makes OP NTA.” – Evilaars
“NTA.”
“Based on more information supplied by OP, they’ve stated that a complaint was issued to the manufacturing company during their relationship but the supplier wouldn’t give them a refund at that time.”
“Now, likely due to a high complaint volume, they’ve now decided to issue refunds for the problem. If the company had done that from the start, the money would’ve been returned to OP, as he made the purchase, and with the bed being a shared piece of furniture in their house, she wouldn’t have been entitled to that refund because they still would’ve been using that bed regardless.”
“Unless of course there’s a weird entitlement issue at hand and she may have asked for that money even then (which would be kind of gross, in my opinion).”
“From the sounds of it, it’s not as if either of them didn’t try before they broke up to rectify getting the company to refund the money. The only difference now is they aren’t together and it’s just NOW the company has changed its tune.”
“That money was owed to OP a while ago, it just sucks that the company dragged their feet about it.”
“It might even be a good point to bring up to your ex that the company owed you that money years ago, and that you’re just getting your payout now.” – grumpleduck
“NTA. She sounds like she’s trying to take advantage of you for being a nice guy. Sure, the bed was faulty, but that’s not your problem. You don’t owe her anything for the bed, especially because you left it with her.”
“But definitely get out of those 50/50 investments with her and part ways completely.” – iamdiosa
But others thought the OP was going to ruin what relationship they had left over this money.
“YTA, and I don’t know why all these NTA people are purposely acting like your ex is being entitled or crazy?”
“Okay so a few things: Whether you actually broke the original bed is still up for debate because that’s just something we’ll never know.”
“What we DO know is that you accepted the blame and bought her a replacement bed. After the new bed was giving her problems, she contacted the company, not you, to get a refund.”
“That refund was sent to you because you used your card. Given that her hands were tied, she contacted you and told you to send the money to her that the company had refunded.”
“I 100% get not wanting to give the money, and I would keep it too, but let’s not pretend that the money isn’t hers, or at least the cost of the original bed.”
“By accepting that you broke the bed, and replacing it, it became hers. That includes what she chooses to do with it afterward since you left the bed to her when you broke up.” – BirdyBirdface
“YTA. I get the feeling a lot of these NTA votes haven’t lived with a partner.”
“Having been through a similar situation not long ago, if you want money for something, get it sorted out before the move. You gave her the bed. It’s hers now, whether or not you did it because you care about her or because you fucking hate the bed, doesn’t matter.”
“She tried to get a refund on it because it was broken and the money went back to you on a technicality. Stop being so fixated on who broke the bed, cause you’re being scummy by keeping the money.”
“If she sold the bed on Kijiji or something, would you chase her down for the money?” – talldangry
“YTA. When you both broke up, you left her with the bed, so from that point on, it was her bed. The bed was faulty so she made the effort of contacting the company to get a refund so she could purchase a new bed.”
“When you met her, she had a bed, and when you broke up, you left her with a faulty bed. I assume you already have a bed? She needs one too; give her back the money for f**k’s sake. You are out nothing (there would be no refund without her effort). Why do you feel you should benefit from her misfortune?”
“It’s no wonder you’re no longer together.” – lojo20
“You can kiss that ‘good relationship goodbye,’ and YTA.”
“Clearly, OP decided to let her keep the bed.”
“So, in the end, it doesn’t matter if OP did in fact break her last one (and the way OP is working this makes me think that, yeah, he thinks he was responsible). He gave her this one, pure and simple.”
“So by a fluke, there’s a defect, and the money, which OP never asked the ex to pay him back for, magically returns to OP.”
“Stop being a greedy AH and give her the d**n money…” – Cinemaphreak
“YTA because, unless I’m misreading something here, you unambiguously stole £350 from your ex-girlfriend.”
“You got that money in your account because she called them to have the bed replaced, and you’re just going to keep it? And you don’t see the problem, here?”
“It doesn’t matter that you replaced the other bed and then continued to date for two years. That has nothing to do with the current situation. You’re just being a petty jerk about it.”
“If you really hate her that much, just send her the money and never talk to her again. But don’t pretend you’re not abjectly stealing from her if you don’t.”
“If she was asking you to buy a new bed for her and you hadn’t received the money for the refund, yeah, that would be ridiculous, but you literally got money put into your account for this purpose and you’re just planning on keeping it and telling her to p**s off.”
“Of course, you’re the a**hole, here. No question.” – noobtheloser
“YTA, gently.”
“You say you are on good terms with this ex and still have investments jointly (wow).”
“You aren’t obligated to forward her the money that was refunded to her credit card, but based on the circumstances you have presented, why on earth wouldn’t you?!”
“At a minimum, giving her the company’s warranty refund in the bed would be avoiding spitting yourself (given ongoing friendship and investment entanglement). At maximum, you would be ‘doing the right thing.’ By keeping the money you are being unjustly enriched (yes, very modestly) by her misfortune and the coincidence of what card laid the original transaction.” – Novella87
After receiving feedback, the OP shared their final decision.
“Update: I offered her to pay for the new bed that she chooses up to the amount of refund, but she said that she would rather have the money.”
“I have a feeling that she will just keep the bed and wants the money as well. So I just told her that I will keep the money until she is ready to purchase a new bed up to the refund amount.”
The subReddit was about as divided on this situation as the former couple was, as they couldn’t decide how to navigate the couple’s distribution of money while also honoring that everyone should have a bed.
What seemed to throw everyone off the most was the fact that the girlfriend still had a bed to sleep on and was simply having issues with accessing the storage space underneath. Because the bed was still functional, and she was able to keep it anyway, people were stuck on who should actually get the refund, especially since the OP had already replaced a bed already.