Redditor throwaway827262627 has joint custody of their kids with their ex-husband.
The Original Poster (OP) found out their ex and his new wife were expecting a baby.
When a hospital visit came up, the OP’s ex asked them to watch their kids a few days early so he could be at the hospital with his wife.
The OP, in turn, told him that wasn’t “a reason to disobey the court order”.
This caused quite a stir, eventually leading the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
They asked:
“AITA for not watching my kids so their father could visit his wife in the hospital?”
They went on to explain:
“Me and my ex husband divorced 4 years ago, we have two daughters together.”
“My ex husband remarried 1 year ago, and I knew that he and his wife were expecting because my daughters told me that they would get a sibling.”
“Now this Friday it was his week with the girls, he called me and asked if I could please take them earlier. When I asked him why, he told me that he needed to be with his wife at the hospital.”
“I said no, that is not a reason to disobey the court order and that he either could stay with the girls, leave the girls with a babysitter or take them with him to the hospital.”
“I hung up before he could continue.”
“He texted me about two hours after telling me that I was extremely sick in the head and that for once, he was in a situation where he needed my help and I refused.”
“His best friend who was a mutual friend of ours until the divorce also texted me and said that he hoped I was happy with myself.”
“I don’t get how I could be an a**hole but it obviously seems like he and his best friend has come to that conclusion, if I am the a**hole yes I will apologize but firstly I need to know.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“You are not just an a**hole but outright cruel.”
“Any reasonable person with an ounce of empathy or compassion would agree to watch someone’s children so their parent could be with their spouse at the hospital.”
“Let alone agree to watch THEIR OWN CHILDREN. ‘Not a reason to disobey the court order’ my a**. Think like a human being for five seconds.”
“You clearly have some sort of vendetta against either your ex husband or his wife or both. You are definitely bitter about them having a baby together.”
“And also don’t seem to like your children very much, as any normal loving parent with split custody would jump at the chance to spend extra time with their kids.”
“YTA.” – Capresesandwitch
“YTA”
“I had a messy divorce and it was only messy when it came to the kids. My ex and I both wanted our kids every minute so the court order was very strictly followed.”
“However, my ex eventually realized that I was a lot more accommodating and flexible when it involved my time.”
“It was never about following the court order to the letter, it was about what was best for the kids.”
“When you do what’s best for your children you will always make the right decision.”
“Now we’re a decade beyond our divorce and we have a great co-parenting relationship.”
“For example, it’s my weekend with our youngest (older kids are adults now) and my ex and his family wanted them for a multi-family gathering and since my child wanted to go I let them!”
“My family also wants to get together with people who live in multiple states this summer over a holiday weekend. My ex’s weekend.”
“We’ve already discussed it and we’re trading a holiday everyone can be winners”
“Put your children first. They’ll remember how much you showed your love for them, and how much you showed respect for their entire family.”
“Especially to the parts that are no longer your family.” – seanymphcalypso
“YTA why would you pass on extra time with your own children??? His wife is in the hospital. If he wanted you to take them so they could go on a glamorous vacation, that would be different.”
“She is in the hospital.”
“This is so petty and vindictive. Imagine how your kids feel….stepmother is in the hospital and our mother doesn’t want us.”
“Even if he is a troll, you are using your kids as a pawn in your war with him.” – forte6320
“So…let me get it straight.”
“You had no other plans. You had no obstacle preventing you from picking up your kids a bit earlier. And they are YOUR kids.”
“While he had an actual and unforeseen emergency (I assume) and needed to attend his current partner while she was probably struggling with pregnancy.”
“You just wanted to be petty and revenge your ex for leaving you?”
“And just because you were being petty and cruel, you wanted to take away some other woman’s possibility to share the expectation of her kid…”
“…and get emotional support from her parter during difficult time?”
“Even if you don’t like her – who does that to another woman (who hasn’t really done anything wrong besides liking the same man as you)? Really?”
“YTA.”
“Edit: I hastily assumed that the hospital stay might have been related to birth, but as it was pointed out it might not have been the case.”
“In any way, it seem to have been urgent and she needed her partner to support her. So my opinion remains the same.”
“I had a parent just like you. I didn’t speak to that parent for the last 20 years of their life and didn’t attend their funeral.”
“Do what you will with this information.”
“YTA.” – ThurmNathan
“YTA – my ex is having a baby with the woman he had an affair with back when I was pregnant.”
“When I found out I said I am happy for our daughter to come home whenever needed should baby be arriving when she was at her dad’s.”
“Not to be nice to them. But because I will jump at the chance to have more time with her. Don’t hate your ex more than you love your kids. It will destroy you. And them.” – Fine-Bread8772
“YTA. You are willing to put your kids in a less than ideal situation in order to spite your ex.”
“I don’t care what your feelings are about him or his new wife. Hate them until the cows come home.”
“What you need to be mindful of is making decisions about your kids based on your feelings about their father.”
“This doesn’t mean you had to take your kids. It means that the decision whether to watch them or not should have been made with their and your best interests in mind.”
“I understand that this means you may have to be a better person than your ex. That isn’t fair and it isn’t easy, but putting in that effort is what needs to be done for your kids and for yourself.”
“If you don’t do that work then you let your hate and bitterness control your life. You let your husband’s choices in the past dictate your future.”
“Feel what you feel but don’t punish your children or yourself for his decisions.” – EmpressJainaSolo
“YTA. Who cares about a court order when it comes to co-parenting. If you were available why wouldn’t you want to be the one to watch your kids.”
“You would be helping out their father which should be the goal of good co-parenting. You are making it harder than it needs to be.”
“Unless you’ve left out some important details I don’t see how you could possibly think you aren’t an AH in this situation.” – keesouth
“YTA – since you have provided zero reason why you couldn’t take your kids early it seems very much like you just wanted to be obstructionist.”
“You do realize that there may be a time in the future where you also need some flexibility on his part. “ – SkyComplex2625
“YTA. When you’re a parent, whether there is court custody or not, you aren’t ‘watching’ your kids. You are parenting. That’s parenthood.”
“It is up to you to co-parent effectively so they don’t grow up with your burning sense of spite and anger. So they grow up to be as well adjusted and emotionally self regulating as they can be.”
“Parenthood isn’t perfect. None of us are perfect parents. But we also don’t have to inflict unnecessary strife on our kids lives because things didn’t go our way.”
“It’s not about you. It’s about your kids, always. That’s a non-negotiable.”
“I am not in your situation but if I was, I would move heaven and earth to make sure my children were with me rather than a stranger.”
“Making life difficult for others out of spite and not realizing how it affects the kids THAT YOU BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD AND SHOULD WANT TO BE WITH EVERY DAY…”
“…makes you insanely immature.”
“Based on your behavior, she didn’t break apart your chance for reconciliation. I’m guessing dollars to donuts your sh*tty attitude ruined that long before.”
“Grow up and parent your kids.” – Pastabilities218
The OP went on to post an edit:
“Edit! My kids are fine and I of course would have taken them if no one else was available, I am not a monster.”
“They are currently with his best friend as my ex is still in the hospital with his wife. So no, I would not him ‘rather’ leaving them with a stranger as many of you assume.”
This was a clearly a fraught situation with a lot of personal and past history baggage.
One can hope these parents can come together to help raise all their kids going forward.