Redditor Few_Matter1163’s teenage daughter is in the process of recovering from surgery.
Due to the larger room size, the Original Poster (OP) and her ex decided it was best for their daughter to stay at her dad’s house.
Part of the agreement included that the ex-husband’s new wife would help take care of the daughter.
Recently the OP got a call from her daughter asking to be picked up because she was unhappy with her stepmom’s care.
The OP, in turn, asked her ex to split the hospital bills now that the agreement had been breached.
The ex got upset with this request, driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for taking my daughter away and telling my ex I expect him to support me financially while I look after her because his partner wouldn’t make her tea?”
She went on to explain:
“I [35-year-old female] have a daughter ‘Kelly’ [16-year-old female] with my ex husband ‘Josh’ [37-year-old male].”
“We separated when Kelly was 10. Since then Josh got married again to ‘Lily'[30’s female].”
“Kelly mostly stays with me but also have her own room at Josh’s house, which is significantly bigger then mine.”
“It is important to note Kelly is not really a picky eater and usually cooks for herself as she enjoys cooking and trying new things.”
“However she is very particular about how she wants her hot drinks done, like hot chocolate with milk only and no water…”
“…or tea without any milk or sugar as she collects different types and feels adding milk or sugar ruins it.”
“Now unfortunately Kelly had to go through an operation and currently can’t move by herself and needs help.”
“Josh suggested to have her stay at his house as he has more room and Lily can look after Kelly while he is at work since she is a housewife (they don’t have any children together).”
“Lily also agreed it will be for the best.”
“Both me and Kelly went with the plan as I won’t be able to be with her 24/7 due to my work and lack of cover and I won’t be able to afford being off work for long…”
“…as I have to pay for her operation alongside with other medical bills.”
“It was a week on Friday since Kelly was staying with Josh and Lily and I would spend time with her in the evenings, when Kelly called me and asked me to take her home.”
“I have asked what is wrong and she told me Lily kept messing with her drinks or serving her drinks she can’t have (like coffee due to her meds)…”
“…and when my daughter tried to raise it with her Lily said if Kelly doesn’t like it she can make her own, knowing perfectly well my daughter is currently bed bound.”
“I took her home and have told my ex I am expecting him to cover the medical bills and some of my expenses since Lily failed to do her job and her treatment of Kelly.”
“I have refused to give her a second chance despite Josh asking me to and was called an a**hole by him and my in laws.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA”
“‘Lily kept messing with her drinks or serving her drinks she can’t have (like coffee due to her meds)'”
“Er that’s creepy! Try and find out more about this like what she means by messing with them” – NidorinoBeano
“Why are you focused on the beverages?”
“The comments you’ve added about waiting to go to the bathroom or waiting for water are way worse – yet they’re not in the original post which strikes me as weird…” – Automatic-Emu5843
“This isn’t nearly enough information. Why were these mistakes with the drinks being made? Was the step-mom doing so intentionally?”
“Accidentally? Was the daughter being unreasonable in her requests? Because as of right now it seems like quite an overreaction on both your daughter but especially on your part.” – tau_enjoyer_
“Your post is strange. You’re focusing on a cup of tea not being right, yet in the comments you say Lily was refusing to being Kelly water. That’s messed up. “
“‘There were other concerns too like Kelly waiting for way too long for Lily to come and help her to the bathroom since she can’t walk there herself or get out of bed herself.'”
“This isn’t an ‘other concern’ it’s a major concern and should be a key point in your post. So you’ve either left this out because it’s untrue (gotta love a reddit editor) or your priorities are wonky.”
“Either way, you were absolutely right to take Kelly home. 100%.”
“I think you need to look back to when Lily ‘agreed’ to take care of Kelly and really think about if she actually agreed to this or if it was a ‘no other option’ scenario.” – happybanana134
“It’s weird that she’s been in your daughter’s life for 6 years yet suddenly she’s acting this way? Idk kinda sounds like something isn’t right here, I don’t really believe you.” – Ok-Squirrel693
“YTA. Funny how the whole post is about how she doesnt do the drinks to Kelly’s taste. But in the comments you talk about how Lily isn’t bringing her water or helping her get to the bathroom.”
“I’m sorry, but who tf cares if she can’t do Kelly’s perfect tea when she is apparently not helping your daughter go to the bathroom.”
“Seems like it isnt something that’s actually happening if you can’t even bother to put it in the main post.” – B_art_account
“YTA – sounds like your daughter is a little princess and you don’t like the fact your ex has a bigger house than you which you make a point of and his wife doesn’t have to work…”
“…you specifically mentioned they don’t have any children together after saying she was a housewife.”
“Putting milk and sugar in tea is hardly a criminal offence and she made her coffee by mistake, hardly the end of the world.”
“If you’re unhappy with your current financial arrangement then say that, using your daughter’s current state to get back at him financially is very poor behaviour.” – twittermob
“Not enough information”
“What kind of surgery did she have? I think it is relevant because it will determine if OP is over protective or not.”
“My friend had his wisdom teeth pulled, but his mother treated him as though he’d received a transplant.” – EchoThis2
“NTA For taking your daughter home or having your ex help pay for medical bills but your expenses you lost that right when you 2 divorced.” – Artistic_Tough5005
“I don’t think this is real. If my exes’ new wife was doing all of this, I wouldn’t have started the story complaining about her not making tea.”
“The bigger issue would be questioning whether her child is getting the care she needs.” – AffectionateCreme430
“I’m gonna go with YTA because of your other comments”
“You’re acting like Kelly was horribly abused when in reality you are flipping out because she wasn’t catered to immediately.”
“How long was the wait for the bathroom? For the water? Did you expect Lily to just sit outside of her room all day and wait for help?”
“This more sounds like you were looking for a reason to take Kelly back and stop working as much and put the bills on your ex…”
“…(because who will take care of her if you can’t be there 24/7? NO ONE CAN, that is not possible)” – SoapGhost2022
“This is a perfect way of raising an entitled person. You are so full of yourself and can’t see how ridiculous you and your daughter are. YTA.”
“And Reddit idiots who think child is the supreme being whose every need must be satisfied, you are YTA too.” – serdasus101
“YTA”
“She doesn’t like her tea that someone is making for her a certain way. Seriously? How much pampering does a 16-year-old need?”
“If she’s thirsty she drinks it, if she isn’t she can just let it be. Being a tea snob is not the priority when you’re bed-bound.”
“All the other stuff you start mentioning after the fact also points more toward spoiled princess than reasonable problems.”
“Stepmom takes 5-10 minutes to come over when called? Yeah, I mean, she’s not a PA; she’s doing things in the house, not sitting right by the bed.”
“Maybe you and your ex should have taught her better to read her body.”
“Chocolate milk not being made from freshly milked cow and ground cocoa beans is just being a pita. Sure water based instant isn’t as great, but not lethal.”
“The way this reads is: stepmom has a coffee/tea/chocolate machine using cups/pads and she uses that instead of using a kettle.”
“She accidentally used a coffee pad once, and the tea’s all have some extras in it.” – issy_haatin
“Not sure where you are located, but if your daughter is bed-bound for 2 ish months and healing for up to 8 months, she would be eligible for home health care. At least for the time, she is bedbound.”
“No reason for you to quit work. Licensed caregivers will come to your home and help her bathe, get her meals etc.”
“You can set her up with a thermos of plain tea and snacks and go to work. Make arrangements with neighbors, friends and other family to look in on her.”
“I think this situation has given you your perfect excuse to quit your job and have your Ex support you. Just kills you that Lily is stay at home, doesn’t it?”
“Look into better care for your daughter that involves professionals and go back to work. It will be better and safer for you daughter.” – PurpleStar1965
Something isn’t adding up here.
What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.