There’s no denying that babies bring endless joy to parents.
There’s also no denying that babies bring an equal amount of frustration.
As there is simply no planning around a baby.
Specifically, when they will sleep, when they’ll need their diaper changed, or when they need to be fed.
Redditor and mother of four Professional-Scar840 was invited on a vacation with her in-laws.
However, the original poster (OP) was less than excited about going on this vacation, as her in-laws planned on enforcing a rule regarding the OP and her baby.
While the OP’s husband felt she needed to give in, the OP considered skipping this vacation altogether.
Concerned she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to only nurse in my bedroom on family trip?”
The OP explained why she and her baby found themselves at odds with her in-laws:
“Long story- I’m a mother of four including a 3 month old.”
“A few weeks ago I went out to lunch with my family and in laws for my brother in law’s birthday.”
“As soon as the food came my baby got fussy so I spent the lunch walking around the outside of the restaurant while she napped.”
“When she woke up I came back in and started to nurse her.”
“My in laws and family got up and left the restaurant.”
“I had to leave without even eating.”
“We are now supposed to be going on a beach vacation with in laws.”
“I told my husband I was unsure about going since it seemed like his family had a problem with me nursing.”
“My husband called his parents and they said that the family had been talking and had decided I’d only be allowed to nurse in the bedroom during the beach trip.”
“I was hurt by my family talking about this amongst themselves.”
“I also feel it’s unfair for me to have to be isolated from my kids and everyone else to nurse my baby.”
“My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable and should give into his family’s demand.”
“He said he will resent me if I don’t.”
“Am I the a**hole for not going?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for possibly skipping her family vacation if she was forced to breastfeed in her room.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP’s family was being insensitive and ignorant, and were shocked that the OP’s husband wasn’t putting up more of a fight on her behalf as she was thinking of the best interest of their child:
“Tell your husband that you will resent him for telling you where you can and can’t feed your child!”
“Then I would start setting his dinner place in the bathroom.”
“He can eat on the toilet!”
“Or maybe on the tool bench in the garage.”
“Or the shed in the backyard!”
“NTA.”- Valuable-Release-868
“‘The family had been talking and had decided I’d only be allowed to nurse in the bedroom during the beach trip’.”
“Oh, DID they now?”
“Their Majesties have spoken!”
“Everyone must bow to their command!”
“‘My husband thinks I’m being unreasonable and should give in to his family’s demand. He said he will resent me if I don’t’.”
“You actually don’t have an in-law problem.”
“You have a husband problem.”
“You are NTA, but the one thing that puzzles me about this story is that this baby is not your first child.”
“It’s your fourth.”
“Are the other three children also your husband’s, or are they from a prior relationship?”
“Because I’m puzzled why this conflict is only coming up now, with your fourth baby, rather than years ago with your first.”
“I’d really like to know the answer to that last question, because I’m getting a ‘timid new mom, awkward around the in-laws’ vibe from OP’s story, which doesn’t fit with this being her fourth child.”
“My own mother had lots of children, and by the time she was up to her fourth, she was very comfortable in the role.”
“She was a naturally modest type and always nursed discreetly, with her back to other people or a cloth draped over the baby.”
“Even so, if anyone had tried to banish her to another room – well, she might have done that with the first baby.”
“But by the fourth?”
“She’d have told them to kick rocks.”
“And this was back in the 1960s, when people were less enlightened about public breastfeeding than they are now.”- ThisWillAgeWell
“NTA.”
“People need to stop sexualizing breastfeeding!”
“Also, only nursing in the bedroom, are they kidding me?”
“Newborns nurse every three hours… what, is she supposed to starve?”
“Are you gonna be locked up in a room like it’s 1800?”
“You definitely have a husband problem.”
“He should be standing up both for you and baby girl!”- Dry_Response4914
“Done deal.”
“You agree to eat in the bedroom if everyone else on the trip agrees to also eat in the bedrooms, isolated and shamed.”
‘And your husband can eat outside the house; very, very far away from you, right where his support and partnership for you can be found.”
“You are NTA, but this whole family sounds like they need to be taken out to the curb along with the rest of the refuse.”
“That includes your husband.”
“What an AH.”
“If you’re in the states, your right to nurse is protected on the federal level.”
“If the government can recognize your baby should be allowed to eat, not cooped up in a hole somewhere, why can’t your husband?”- Impossible_Smile4113
“Stay home.”
“Your husband is not being supportive of his family-and I’m not talking about your in-laws.”
“YOU and YOUR KIDS are his family now.”
“NTA.”- whynotbecause88
“NTA.”
“If they don’t want you to nurse outside the bedroom, do they prefer your baby to starve?”
“F’ em.”
“Go on holiday without them.”
“You don’t need that stress, and neither does your baby.”
“Your husband needs to grow a pair.”- EnjoysAGoodRead
“NTA.”
“That is a completely unreasonable ask.”
“You also have a husband problem.”
“He should be defending your right to nurse anywhere and any time you need to.”
“The fact that he is suggesting you accede to this request tells me that your in-laws are the least of your issues.”- No-Assignment5538
“NTA.”
“Your husband needs to grow a spine.”
“You can nurse your baby anywhere you please, and if they don’t like it then they don’t need to see the baby.”- justhewayouare
“NTA.”
“The fact that you’re actively keeping the baby from starving to death shouldn’t be a problem, and frankly, it’s concerning that they’re putting conditions on a baby eating.”
“At that point, it’s not even about you breastfeeding, but that they aren’t allowing the baby to eat.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Drive back to the hotel anytime the baby needs to eat?”
“Also, congrats on the baby!”- Ur-Gayest-Nightmare
“NTA.”
“You’ll resent the hell out of your husband if you do go and give in to his family’s BS.”- Anxious-Routine-5526
“Well never have another kid with your husband.”
“If he prioritizes his family’s WEIRD issue over his kid’s EATING, he is an a**hole.”
“What if you all are out at a restaurant while on vacation?”
“Your baby screaming for food… what are you supposed to do?”
“I hope you have a job that can support you and the baby.”
“This doesn’t sound like a good situation.”
“NTA.”- K_A_irony
“Your in-laws’ opinion is garbage, and your husband won’t defend you.”
“He’s telling you that his family’s opinion is more important to him than are you OR your baby.”
“Your decision not to go is both understandable and reasonable.”
“NTA – and I wish you luck.”- wesmorgan1
“Saying ‘we all talked among ourselves and decided this is how YOU are going to behave’ is f*cking crazy.”
“NTA.”- PromiseThomas
“Easy compromise.”
“They go in the bedroom while you nurse.”
“Problem solved.”
“NTA.”- thisisgettingdaft
“NTA.”
“Only weirdos and creeps have issues with someone breastfeeding in public.”- smol9749been
“NTA.”
“I would not go if I was you.”
“He would resent you?”
“I’d resent the hell out of him for even thinking it was ok to act like that in the first place.”
“The moment he said he would resent you would have been the moment I decided not to go.”
“F that.”
“How about he supports his wife, who is still recovering from giving birth.”- TheDarkHelmet1985
Mothers nurse to ensure the health and comfort of their infant child.
The OP’s in-laws and husband should consider this, perhaps leading them to thank her for taking care of their baby and grandchild, rather than shaming her.