There's no denying that babies bring endless joy to parents.
There's also no denying that babies bring an equal amount of frustration.
As there is simply no planning around a baby.
Specifically, when they will sleep, when they'll need their diaper changed, or when they need to be fed.
Redditor and mother of four Professional-Scar840 was invited on a vacation with her in-laws.
However, the original poster (OP) was less than excited about going on this vacation, as her in-laws planned on enforcing a rule regarding the OP and her baby.
While the OP's husband felt she needed to give in, the OP considered skipping this vacation altogether.
Concerned she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for refusing to only nurse in my bedroom on family trip?"
The OP explained why she and her baby found themselves at odds with her in-laws:
"Long story- I'm a mother of four including a 3 month old."
"A few weeks ago I went out to lunch with my family and in laws for my brother in law's birthday."
"As soon as the food came my baby got fussy so I spent the lunch walking around the outside of the restaurant while she napped."
"When she woke up I came back in and started to nurse her."
"My in laws and family got up and left the restaurant."
"I had to leave without even eating."
"We are now supposed to be going on a beach vacation with in laws."
"I told my husband I was unsure about going since it seemed like his family had a problem with me nursing."
"My husband called his parents and they said that the family had been talking and had decided I'd only be allowed to nurse in the bedroom during the beach trip."
"I was hurt by my family talking about this amongst themselves."
"I also feel it's unfair for me to have to be isolated from my kids and everyone else to nurse my baby."
"My husband thinks I'm being unreasonable and should give into his family's demand."
"He said he will resent me if I don't."
"Am I the a**hole for not going?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for possibly skipping her family vacation if she was forced to breastfeed in her room.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP's family was being insensitive and ignorant, and were shocked that the OP's husband wasn't putting up more of a fight on her behalf as she was thinking of the best interest of their child:
"Tell your husband that you will resent him for telling you where you can and can't feed your child!"
"Then I would start setting his dinner place in the bathroom."
"He can eat on the toilet!"
"Or maybe on the tool bench in the garage."
"Or the shed in the backyard!"
"NTA."- Valuable-Release-868
"'The family had been talking and had decided I'd only be allowed to nurse in the bedroom during the beach trip'."
"Oh, DID they now?"
"Their Majesties have spoken!"
"Everyone must bow to their command!"
"'My husband thinks I'm being unreasonable and should give in to his family's demand. He said he will resent me if I don't'."
"You actually don't have an in-law problem."
"You have a husband problem."
"You are NTA, but the one thing that puzzles me about this story is that this baby is not your first child."
"It's your fourth."
"Are the other three children also your husband's, or are they from a prior relationship?"
"Because I'm puzzled why this conflict is only coming up now, with your fourth baby, rather than years ago with your first."
"I'd really like to know the answer to that last question, because I'm getting a 'timid new mom, awkward around the in-laws' vibe from OP's story, which doesn't fit with this being her fourth child."
"My own mother had lots of children, and by the time she was up to her fourth, she was very comfortable in the role."
"She was a naturally modest type and always nursed discreetly, with her back to other people or a cloth draped over the baby."
"Even so, if anyone had tried to banish her to another room - well, she might have done that with the first baby."
"But by the fourth?"
"She'd have told them to kick rocks."
"And this was back in the 1960s, when people were less enlightened about public breastfeeding than they are now."- ThisWillAgeWell
"NTA."
"People need to stop sexualizing breastfeeding!"
"Also, only nursing in the bedroom, are they kidding me?"
"Newborns nurse every three hours... what, is she supposed to starve?"
"Are you gonna be locked up in a room like it's 1800?"
"You definitely have a husband problem."
"He should be standing up both for you and baby girl!"- Dry_Response4914
"Done deal."
"You agree to eat in the bedroom if everyone else on the trip agrees to also eat in the bedrooms, isolated and shamed."
'And your husband can eat outside the house; very, very far away from you, right where his support and partnership for you can be found."
"You are NTA, but this whole family sounds like they need to be taken out to the curb along with the rest of the refuse."
"That includes your husband."
"What an AH."
"If you're in the states, your right to nurse is protected on the federal level."
"If the government can recognize your baby should be allowed to eat, not cooped up in a hole somewhere, why can't your husband?"- Impossible_Smile4113
"Stay home."
"Your husband is not being supportive of his family-and I'm not talking about your in-laws."
"YOU and YOUR KIDS are his family now."
"NTA."- whynotbecause88
"NTA."
"If they don't want you to nurse outside the bedroom, do they prefer your baby to starve?"
"F' em."
"Go on holiday without them."
"You don't need that stress, and neither does your baby."
"Your husband needs to grow a pair."- EnjoysAGoodRead
"NTA."
"That is a completely unreasonable ask."
"You also have a husband problem."
"He should be defending your right to nurse anywhere and any time you need to."
"The fact that he is suggesting you accede to this request tells me that your in-laws are the least of your issues."- No-Assignment5538
"NTA."
"Your husband needs to grow a spine."
"You can nurse your baby anywhere you please, and if they don't like it then they don't need to see the baby."- justhewayouare
"NTA."
"The fact that you're actively keeping the baby from starving to death shouldn't be a problem, and frankly, it's concerning that they're putting conditions on a baby eating."
"At that point, it's not even about you breastfeeding, but that they aren't allowing the baby to eat."
"What are you going to do?"
"Drive back to the hotel anytime the baby needs to eat?"
"Also, congrats on the baby!"- Ur-Gayest-Nightmare
"NTA."
"You'll resent the hell out of your husband if you do go and give in to his family's BS."- Anxious-Routine-5526
"Well never have another kid with your husband."
"If he prioritizes his family's WEIRD issue over his kid's EATING, he is an a**hole."
"What if you all are out at a restaurant while on vacation?"
"Your baby screaming for food... what are you supposed to do?"
"I hope you have a job that can support you and the baby."
"This doesn't sound like a good situation."
"NTA."- K_A_irony
"Your in-laws' opinion is garbage, and your husband won't defend you."
"He's telling you that his family's opinion is more important to him than are you OR your baby."
"Your decision not to go is both understandable and reasonable."
"NTA - and I wish you luck."- wesmorgan1
"Saying 'we all talked among ourselves and decided this is how YOU are going to behave' is f*cking crazy."
"NTA."- PromiseThomas
"Easy compromise."
"They go in the bedroom while you nurse."
"Problem solved."
"NTA."- thisisgettingdaft
"NTA."
"Only weirdos and creeps have issues with someone breastfeeding in public."- smol9749been
"NTA."
"I would not go if I was you."
"He would resent you?"
"I'd resent the hell out of him for even thinking it was ok to act like that in the first place."
"The moment he said he would resent you would have been the moment I decided not to go."
"F that."
"How about he supports his wife, who is still recovering from giving birth."- TheDarkHelmet1985
Mothers nurse to ensure the health and comfort of their infant child.
The OP's in-laws and husband should consider this, perhaps leading them to thank her for taking care of their baby and grandchild, rather than shaming her.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.