Prenuptial agreements are documents often used by couples preparing to marry, so they can protect their money and assets in the event of a divorce or tragic loss.
Prenuptial agreements aren’t there to be signed mid-marriage, and they aren’t there to protect one spouse’s thriving business against their spouse, cringed the users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Boymom1505 was shocked when her husband and father-in-law suddenly approached her, demanding she sign a “prenuptial agreement” two years into their marriage, agreeing that she would not try to take any of the family business in the event of a divorce.
Because they were already married and her mother-in-law did not have to sign a similar document, the Original Poster (OP) was suspicious and refused to sign.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to sign a prenuptial agreement after marriage?”
The OP and her husband had already been in a committed relationship for a long time.
“My husband (35 Male) and I (33 Female) have been married for six years and together for 10 (we’ve known each other basically forever).”
“We have three kids. When we got married, we were both pharmacists.”
When the OP’s husband and father-in-law (FIL) opened a business, the OP was supportive.
“Two years into our marriage, my husband opened a family business with his father, and the business is doing really well.”
“My husband gets 50 percent of the net revenue and owns a good amount of money, but everything is tied up in the company, and the balance is updated every year as the business grows.”
“His father is worried that if we ever get divorced, I’ll ask for half of the business’s money, so he wants me to sign a document relinquishing that right.”
The OP didn’t appreciate the implication and refused to sign an agreement.
“For context, we’re Muslims, and in Islam, the woman is entitled to what was agreed upon prior to marriage in case of divorce. For me, that amount is around 120,000 dollars, and our house is already split 50-50, so I wouldn’t ask for anything more.”
“However, I don’t want to sign anything. I feel my husband should trust me when I say I would never ask for half of his share in the business.”
“I also pointed out that his dad didn’t ask his mom to sign such a document, so why should I have to?”
“AITAH for refusing to sign this?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some urged the OP to get in touch with a lawyer before making any final decisions.
“If you’re in the US, I’d tell you to consult a lawyer immediately. This is not something you should have to handle alone or be forced into.” – Studious_Noodle
“Go talk to an attorney. Your husband and father-in-law are doing a lot of behind-the-scenes talking. You need your person to chat (legally) with.”
“Regardless of customs, there are laws where you live. Don’t sell yourself short.” – slatz1970
“NTA. Legal counsel sounds even more important. Postnups are becoming more common but rely on what is legal in your jurisdiction. As you probably know, don’t sign anything without having your own independent legal representation.”
“If you decide to get legal counsel involved, your husband will likely need to disclose all assets to the point he’d probably feel like it’s divorce proceedings.”
“Even if they try to hide money, a forensic accountant should be able to make sense of the records and spot discrepancies.” – imasitegazer
“Lawyer. Now. And tell him this is f**king up your marriage. NTA.” – toucanflu
“Where did he get the money from to start the business? Was it your father-in-law’s money, his, yours, or shared money?”
“Were you taking on the majority of child raising and chores to free him up for setting up and working the business? Were you also working outside the home?”
“If you contributed to the business’s success, then you’re entitled to a share in the event of divorce. NTA.” – GardeniaGrangipani
Others agreed and urged the OP to be protective of her future.
“It seems maybe the dad knows more than he is letting on, as in maybe the husband is considering divorce. Or the spouse is saying it’s coming from dad to cover his motives.”
“Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon that a spouse will seek divorce after they become dramatically more wealthy.”
“Be careful, OP, and make sure you and your children are covered.” – imasitegazer
“Remember, in the event of a divorce, you are going to become a single mom. You deserve the resources for that to go well for YOUR CHILDREN, and you do not want to be in the position of constantly begging him to pay for school fees and clothes and such.” – BitterDoGooder
“My guess is there is a divorce in your future that you haven’t been told about yet. Do not sign. Stand Your Ground and get ready for you and the kids to move out.” – dragonflygirl1961
“You see what your husband deposits to the joint bank accounts. I hate to be this cynical, but it’s entirely possible the business is doing much better than they let on and FIL has been holding his son’s profit in another account you are not aware of.”
“You are entitled to 25 percent of the business. You taking on the brunt of child-rearing and domestic duties directly allows your husband to focus and succeed in this new endeavor. Do not give up your rights, hire an attorney if they keep pressuring you, and write up your own prenup in response.” – GreenUnderstanding39
“Tell him, ‘I’ll sign when your mom does.'”
“Or you could resolve his anxiety by serving him with divorce papers, ‘Now you don’t have to worry about what might happen – you’re going to see firsthand.'”
“I wouldn’t normally jump on the ‘drop his a**’ bandwagon, but if I were you I’d have an impossible time not thinking that he doesn’t trust you, that he thinks you’re going to leave him, or that he is planning on leaving you.”
“The only other potential solution I could see is that you counter with this:”
“1. Your mom signs the same document with your dad.”
“2. If he cheats on you, the document becomes invalid.”
“3. If he divorces you, the document becomes invalid.”
“4. If he becomes abusive towards you (define this), the document becomes invalid.”
“5. If he tries to hide assets from you (define a process for how you will be able to monitor this), the document becomes invalid.”
“Basically, make the document a two-way street. None of these five points are unreasonable.” – FreshLiterature
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a promising update in a second post.
“I couldn’t sleep last night thinking about what to say to my husband. He usually wakes up around 5:00 AM to go to the gym and have his coffee in peace before the kids wake up, so I decided to wake up with him (hello, headache all day!).”
“I told him that I was completely shocked when he asked me to sign this document, especially since he was actually okay with me signing it.”
“I asked him, ‘How can you say I’m not entitled to anything? I work my a** off from 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM every day, then come home to cook, take care of the kids, and handle bedtime.'”
“And at the end of the month, I don’t see a penny; everything goes to the bills. Sure, he pays for our trips, clothes, and gifts, but I never ask for anything or tell him what to buy me.”
“Then I brought up religion. I told him, ‘If you want to talk about religion, let’s be fair about it. Islamically, my money is my own, and you’re not supposed to use it. If that’s the case, I want every dollar I earned back: around $300K for the five years I worked.'”
“I also told him that if he really wants me to sign, I will, but with my own lawyer. Because apparently, I’ve been too naïve and should have known better.”
“Finally, I told him that we were supposed to be saving together, but now he’s saying that in case of divorce, I get nothing? So what was all my hard work for?”
“At one point, I got really emotional and started crying because I was genuinely hurt that he thought this was okay. That’s when he hugged me, apologized, and promised he wouldn’t ask me to sign anything. He even said he’s willing to put half of everything in my name right now, just not the controlling rights and whatnot.”
“I still have a lot to process, and the meeting with the account who suggested this in the first place but at least for now, I feel heard.”
The subReddit was overflowing with concern and suspicion about how well the husband and father-in-law’s business was actually doing behind the scenes and what other plans the OP’s husband might have up his sleeves, including divorce.
It seemed likely to many that the business was doing very well and the husband wanted to lock in his success, whether he remained married or not. Even if that was totally cynical, it was best for both people to be careful and to seek legal counsel before making any lasting decisions.