When your parents aren’t open-minded and accepting, having your own life outside of them can come with a lot of extra emotional labor.
Redditor Corey-Blue ran into an incredibly difficult situation with her father and boyfriend after her father was incredibly insensitive toward their family.
She went on the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” to get some feedback on how she handled herself in the situation.
“AITA for telling my dad to f*** off after he was homophobic to my daughter and my husband?”
The problems ran deep into our Original Poster, or OP’s, life.
“A tiny backstory- I’m 23f[emale] my husband Stephen (23m[ale]) is a ftm trans man. We met in high school and ever since freshman year he let me know that he was trans.”
“Me and Stephen have a 3 year old daughter June ( Stephen’s brother was our donor ) and we have always taught her it’s okay to like woman and men and that she can date any race/gender/sexuality if she wants.”
“(We bought her barbies of each race and gender ) Earlier today we were on face time with my father who doesn’t know Stephen is trans ( Stephen is sensitive to people knowing due to some past issues ) when he and my father met he was already off testosterone and already went through procedures.”
When June said something totally innocuous, OP’s dad lost control.
“Getting back to the point, June was playing in the background but we were on my laptop so my dad could see my daughter as well. My dad wanted to talk to June and asked things like do you want to Marry a Prince or a Knight. June said, ‘I want to marry Mulan or Ken.'”
“My dad just sort of froze and looked at Stephen and me for back-up. When June went away from the screen My dad asked me why I didn’t say anything and I told him she can marry who she wants to. He then turned to Stephen asking if he’s going to say anything to which Stephen replied, ‘No I’m not because I’m Trans and my daughter can marry whoever the hell she wants.'”
“My dad went ballistic calling Stephen the f word and a gay ass. He also decided to call me those things as well he then called my husband a ‘she’ I told him to f*** off we argued back and forth with Stephen trying to stop the fighting so he decided to end the call.”
After that tense interaction, OP had multiple pieces of family drama to deal with.
“June was upset and kept asking why can’t girls marry each other and Stephen was in the room trying to wrap his head around things. When I told my siblings (on my dad’s side) my two older sister’s and my older brother was on my side but my other older brother decided to block me.”
“My mom is completely on my side but other family members (dad’s side) have been texting me saying the same things my dad did and told me I need mental help.”
“I feel kind of like an AH because I said some unkind things to him but calling Stephen a ‘she’ broke the layer of stuff I can deal with. AITA?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Luckily, in most Redditors’ minds, this is a pretty open-and-shut case.
“Absolutely, unequivocally NTA and for your sake please block anyone contacting you spewing any form of your dad’s vitriol! No need to give any of his hate any kind of access to your lives.”
“Your family contacting your on your dads behalf has hopefully earned at least a time out with zero access to your daughter, at least until they realize why they are in the wrong.”
“Do not feel bad for cutting your dad off from you and your family. Don’t let any ‘but she’s his granddaughter’ bs guilt you. Until he fully shows you he’s changed, he gets no access.”
“No photos, no info. He’s choosing to stand in his beliefs, rather than be open to being educated. He cost himself a relationship with his daughter and granddaughter. THIS IS HIS CHOICE!”
“Seriously please do not let this man have any influence on your family. Stay strong for you, your husband, and daughter.”~nonanonaye
“NTA. As a trans man, I seriously admire you for the amount of respect you have for your husband. I’m glad he has someone as supportive as you. Tbh this gives me hope for my future :)”~dolphin_penis
“It’s weird that he asked a 3 yr old about marriage in the first place.”
“1. Your daughter made a solid choice w Mulan. Pretty sure I wanted to marry Shrek around that age.”
“2. Homophobes deserve to be told to f**k off. And your family members defending him aren’t any better.”
“NTA AT ALL”~justlurkingnjudging
“NTA Your dad purposely misgendered your husband, which is already unacceptable. He also tried to force his bigoted views on your child, which once again, is a terrible thing.”
“Your family are lucky to have someone that is loving and accepting enough to fight for them, even if you have to confront your own father. Honestly, the world needs more people like you who won’t just let that behaviour slide.”~Ytrebil_20
After all, we will be seeing zero homophobia or transphobia during Pride month.
“Not at all you just have toxic family. It’s not your fault they are transphobic homophobic and cruel.
“You get to decide if they are in your child’s life and yours from this point forward. You get to decide if they are family or just asshole blood relations. NTA.”~Afoolsjourney
“NTA. I’m sorry that your family is saying things to you that would make you think that you are. I really commend you on standing up to your dad.”
“So many people (especially with what you see on this sub) are not willing to do this for their partners/family, but your husband and your child absolutely deserve to be protected.”~piizzahoot
“NTA – In general of course. I’m not sure where in all this you thought you might even be an AH.”
“That said…she’s 3. She’ll probably want to marry Donald Duck next week, which is unfortunate because the guy walks around with no pants on and he’s already married to Daisy.”
“When my oldest was younger he wanted to marry Justin Bieber. My ONLY concern was not that I might have a gay son, but that I did NOT want Justin Bieber as a future son-in-law. He’s out of that stage, and we still give him crap for that one.”~WW76kh
“Well, I’m a straight male, and I say screw your father. And I agree that he should be blocked on all fronts until he apologizes. NTA.”
Like seriously, how is someone being transgender hurt anyone? I feel like as long as you’re not hurting anyone, it’s your body, your life, your choices.”~The_ultimate_cookie
OP protecting her family was, Reddit agrees, the best thing to do.
“Gosh, I cannot imagine why on earth Stephen would ever be hesitant about telling people he’s trans”.
“So much NTA. Your dad flipped out over a 3 year old wanting to marry a cartoon character (Mulan is a excellent choice, though) and just ascended to further levels of Major AH with every dang word that fell out of that hole in his face. Don’t feel bad about snapping on him, I would have too.”
“Also, ‘you can marry whoever you want’ vs ‘you can only marry this specific kind of person ever.”‘The second one sounds a lot more like ‘forcing’ a sexuality if you ask me.”~Miniature_Kaiju
“NTA at all. Now I might be a little biased as a trans guy, but your father seems like a total judgmental a**hole. I mean, why the heck should be freak out over your daughter’s sexuality when she’s this young?”
“It’s not like she’s actually dating anyone yet, she’s just got a couple of innocent crushes. There’s no good reason for him to care, and his blatantly disrespectful attitude towards your husband is completely unwarranted.”~VergeThySinus
“NTA – I can’t believe you are even asking. Your dad sound horrible. You did the right thing. I wouldn’t let him in your life until you get an apology especially for your husband. It must have taken a lot of courage to tell him and for your dad to react that way is disgusting.”~ShmallowUnicorn
“You are absolutely NTA. Your father is a bigot. Telling a child they can be or date who they want is not forcing sexuality on them. It is allowing them to explore and find their own sexuality. Perhaps your daughter will be a cis-straight woman, perhaps she will be bi or a lesbian.”
“Perhaps she will be trans. If you tell her that you love her and that she can be who she wants at all stages in her life, you are encouraging her to become the person she is, rather than the person you expect her to be.”
“You are explicitly telling her that she does not have to live a lie for years and years; that she does not have to hide who she is from you; and that she can tell you anything because you will love her.”~chop1125
Unanimously, Reddit agreed that OP did the right thing in standing up for her family against her dad.
The National Center for Transgender Equality offers online resources here.
Transgender people in crisis can get help through the Trans Lifeline at https://www.translifeline.org/ or call US: 877-565-8860 Canada: 877-330-6366