These days there seems to be a party or celebration for just about anything and everything.
Baby showers, naming ceremonies, International Cake Day, half birthdays, the list of events is long.
This can lead to a lot of issues because not everyone is on board with the idea of these reasons to celebrate.
There are a ton of people who are ok being left off a few guest lists here and there.
Redditor theamazingloki to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to participate in a ‘grandma shower’ at my office?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi Reddit. I admittedly have some bias when it comes to baby-related stuff so I could use some opinions.”
“Something about my workplace—remember the ‘party planning committee’ in ‘The Office?'”
‘Well, we basically have that.”
“The committee usually is responsible for buying everyone a cake and card on their birthday and we’ll have themed lunches every now and then—4th of July BBQ, International potluck for the Olympics, Cinco de Mayo tacos—you get the gist.”
“Now, an important element of this story is the fact that I’ve always loved baking and am quite good at it.”
“So every time we have a themed lunch, I always bring a baked good that fits the theme.”
‘It’s gotten to the point where people are always trying to guess what I’ll bring and are always super excited to see what I’ll do next.”
“Generally, I love it and have fun with it. Until now.”
“About a week ago, my coworker announced she’s expecting a granddaughter in the fall.”
“An email went around and I sent congratulations. Fine.”
“However, since then, the party planning committee has announced that we will be hosting a ‘grandma shower’ for my coworker for lunch next week, and they’ve been circulating a sign-up sheet for everyone to bring food as well as the baby registry and encouraging everyone to participate in a ‘diaper drive.'”
“Notably—I’ve never met my coworker’s daughter and thus seriously doubt I’d ever meet this baby girl.”
“So far, there have been about six emails about this ‘shower.'”
“I’ve been ignoring them all.”
“Then, today, one of my coworkers came into my office and asked why I hadn’t signed up to bring dessert yet?”
“Now, here’s where I may be TA.”
“I basically told her I wasn’t planning on baking something and didn’t think I was going to participate in the ‘shower.'”
“When asked why, I just said that to be honest, I didn’t know a coworker’s daughter and didn’t really feel like getting someone I don’t know a present for a baby I’ll never meet.”
“My coworker made a face and said she understood but that ‘grandma’ coworker might be disappointed.”
“On the one hand, I feel like maybe I’m TA, and I could have just baked some brownies and called it a day to participate and not hurt anyone’s feelings.”
“But on the other hand, I find it absolutely ridiculous to host a ‘grandma shower’ and expect people to bring gifts for a random baby.”
“I feel like I am right in standing on principle for this, but at the same time, I know I have some bias here.”
“For context, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for years, and we are currently undergoing I[n] V[itro] F[ertilisation] treatments, so I know I’m a little sensitive about babies right now.”
“No one at work knows, so I know they’re not trying to be cruel.”
“But at the same time, being confronted with babies left and right is also extremely draining for me.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“I don’t know, Reddit—AITA for refusing to participate or should I just suck it up and participate with everyone else?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA and a grandma shower is just ridiculous and not a thing.”
“The mother-to-be will get a baby shower.”
“Throwing an additional one and calling it a grandma shower is just tacky.” ~ WebAcceptable7932
“I agree. Celebrating the grandparent is height cringe.”
“If they wanted to help out in the spirit of giving, collect diapers or do a raffle.”
“Or collect money for a gift card.”
“Something actually helpful instead of celebrating someone who doesn’t need to be celebrated.” ~ UndeniablyPink
“I agree, it’s a terrible idea. Grannie’s best friends can throw her a shower outside of the office. NTA OP.” ~ Wooden-Seesaw-3741
“I highly doubt the baby’s mother will receive any of the gifts from the ‘Grandma’ shower.”
“Usually, the grandma wants to supply her home with items for baby, hoping mom will let the baby stay over.”
“It’s tacky and cringy and seems like a gift grab instead of celebrating the soon-to-be mom and baby.”
“NTA.” ~ Venice2seeYou
“I agree with NTA, but I’d also say to bake some brownies and be done with it.”
“The reason I say it probably benefits you more in the long run is to at least do the bare minimum.”
“If you don’t I’m sure someone will keep bugging you for a reason and won’t accept a surface answer.”
“It will be easier to keep your IVF efforts private.”
“Plus, you have a stellar rep for bringing in items, so anytime you don’t know, it sticks out even more than normal.”
“That stellar rep probably has built up some equity and goodwill with people that may even help you out with work.”
“I agree your thought process is valid in why not to participate.”
“To me, it’s just not a hill worth dying on.”
“I wish you and your husband all the best in your IVF journey.” ~ Crabby_Monkey
“It’s a thing now, I guess.”
“My director is planning a grandma shower this fall for my supervisor and wants all the W[ork]-F[rom]-H[ome] people to come in.”
“Since she’s my supervisor, I feel like I have to go and I’m pissed!”
“Pissed I’m being roped into coming to work for the day, hauling all my equipment from home, bringing a dish along with a gift, and then hauling all my s**t back to my car (parking is 2 blocks away).”
“And yes that’s right, if you want to come in for a party, you have to work the full day at the office, which means bringing your equipment from home.”
“You can’t come in for the party and go back home.”
“It’s as stupid as it sounds.” ~ ChunkyBlueberry
“You’re NTA for not wanting to be involved in a forced office-initiated gift grab for someone who’s not even having the baby themselves.”
“If folks are friends with their coworkers, then sure, get them some congratulatory card or trinket, but a grandma shower is too much.”
“It’s not easy to stick to your principles on something, especially when someone will take it personally, but it doesn’t mean you’re wrong.”
“You’re not wrong.”
“They’re asking for too much.” ~ babyeventhelosers_
“Yeah, I would cringe so hard if this happened at my office.”
“Maybe pass around a congratulatory card for everyone to sign, or something similar.”
“A full-blown shower for the grandmother is ridiculous.”
“Also, baby showers are supposed to be for the mom and people who the mom invites.”
“Those invitees then get to make the decision to attend or not.”
‘Here, you have the workplace literally shoving it down OP’s throat, with employees receiving comments from others if they don’t want to participate.”
“NTA. If the grandma has some friends in the office who want to throw a small celebration outside of work, whatever.”
“Doing it at work is super tacky.” ~ SoulRebel726
“NTA. This is the ‘forced’ dumb s**t that people hate about offices.”
“Grandma shower is one of the dumber things I’ve heard…” ~ Dante2377
“I think that, when coworkers celebrate life events and milestones, older workers often get left out because—in many cases—they’ve been long married and they’ve finished having children.”
“If people aren’t celebrating their promotions or work anniversaries (and/or not celebrating them to the same extent as a new baby or a marriage), then they often miss out on this kind of appreciation.”
“That said, no one should be forcing you to bring anything if you don’t want to do so.”
“The guilt trip that the organizer is giving you is completely unwarranted. NTA.” ~ Old_Desk_1641
“NTA. And good for you for NOT sharing your personal struggles with the office.”
“It’s none of their business.”
“The level of ridiculousness about celebrating everything is right up there with participation trophies.”
“This party is a ‘life participation trophy.'”
“And it’s tacky as hell.”
“Just tell them you are not participating and leave it at that.” ~ Speckle-Fried-Pickle
“I think you need to ask yourself if it’s worth being right.”
“You’re NTA for not participating in this shower.”
“However, it could lead to your coworkers giving you the cold shoulder.”
“They might also choose to put in a low effort for your baby shower when the time comes.”
“You may not care about any of that and if that’s the case, do what you want.”
“Just keep in mind that the reason people participate in these things is to keep the peace and maintain good relationships with their coworkers.”
“If you’re at all concerned about how this will affect things at work, I would just bring brownies.” ~ Mother_Tradition_774
“NTA- I hate these forced office events.”
“Not everyone gets these life events, so some people end up paying for years with no return.”
“And plus who has money to celebrate all of this stuff?”
“If you want to great, these should be 100% optional, and no pressure to partake.” ~ bi**hy_badger
“NTA… grandma showers are not a f**king thing, nor am I going to allow anyone to normalize this.” ~ gellybelli
“NTA. Those of us who don’t have kids and haven’t gotten married are constantly being asked to shell out gifts and money when we will never get the same in return.” ~ Character_Oil_5030
“NTA but you could bake something and not do the gift, it is a nice thing to do for someone and be part of the group.”
“I get that you are sensitive to the whole baby thing; I can’t imagine the stress you are under.”
“If you like the coworker, do it for her; if not, then don’t.”
“I hope you can feel happiness for others without projecting your own unhappiness. Life will always be disappointing. otherwise.” ~ SliceEquivalent825
Editing to add some additional context:
“As many people have guessed—yes this is the South and the party planning committee is all Southern white women in their 50s/60s.”
“I didn’t realize how glaringly obvious that was lol!”
“As far as ‘grandma’ is concerned, I don’t necessarily think she pushed for the shower but she’s definitely going along with it.”
“Not sure if that affects anyone’s opinion, but I saw several people assume she’s a M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] from hell, and I don’t necessarily think that is the case.”
“Also—mom-to-be apparently had a baby shower last weekend, and another email was sent out about an hour ago stating that they got so many infant-sized diapers at their shower that they’re asking we buy diapers the next size up for the ‘granny shower.'”
“I… don’t know what to even say to that.”
“And yes, we got bad news IVF-wise last week and I realize I’m emotional and may not be super objective right now 😔.”
Reddit is there for you, OP.
Everyone understands your actions. You’re not being malicious.
You’re going through a lot.
And it sounds like no one has really heard of these “granny showers.”
Keep your chin up, and do what feels right to you.