While in some cultures the costs for a wedding were shouldered by the bride’s family, more couples are now footing the bill themselves by creating a wedding fund.
But what happens if one partner decides to spend the money on something other than the wedding?
That’s the predicament one 27-year-old Redditor found herself in with her 25-year-old significant other. So she went to the Relationship Advice subReddit for help.
Redditor ThrowRA-rowaway posted:
“My fiancé spent our entire savings (which we both were saving for our wedding and honeymoon) to buy a gaming pc.”
“What’s worse is that ever since he got the pc, he has totally ignored me. He has absolutely forgotten that I even exist in his life.”
She explained:
“My fiancé and I got engaged in December last year. In January this year, we both together decided to save money every month for our wedding and honeymoon.”
“In 6 months, we saved around $8000. Last month, my fiancé’s best friend bought a new gaming pc, so even my fiancé wanted to buy one, so he asked me, but I denied it because we both already had laptops.”
“I told him that he can play games in the laptop that he already has. He repeatedly kept asking me if he could buy a pc and I finally agreed to it (now I regret it so badly).”
“After a week, the pc finally came and with the pc, a new table and chair also was delivered. Apparently he had ordered a gaming chair and a table as well.”
“That night, I asked him how much it all cost and he was a little hesitant to tell me. After a while he told me and I was distraught when I heard that he had spent our entire savings of $8000 to buy the pc.”
“We had a very big argument that night and I scolded him for spending all our savings because that savings contained not only his money but my money as well. And we were saving it for our wedding.”
“After everything I told him, his final reply was ‘I will earn it all back soon.’ I don’t trust those words at all.”
“I thought anything worse than this couldn’t happen at this moment, but it has. It has been about 2 weeks since he got the pc and since then, my fiancé hasn’t gotten up from his new chair.”
“Ever since he got the pc, he hasn’t even seen my face. The only time he talks to me is when he is hungry, he calls to me and tells me to get him something to eat/drink.”
“I call him to watch TV and he denies it saying that he’s busy. I call him to sleep together and he denies it and says that he’ll sleep later.”
“His sleep schedule has been f’ked. He plays games the whole night and sleeps at 5am and wakes up at 2pm.”
“He’s asleep when I’m awake and he’s awake when I’m asleep. From the past 2 weeks I’ve been so lonely that it feels like I’m alone at home and nobody to even talk to.”
He is ignoring me so much that I think he has absolutely forgotten that I even exist in his life. I honestly feel like his waitress nowadays because from the past 2 weeks, the only interaction we both have is him asking for food and water and me giving it to him.”
“He has also 100% stopped doing all the house chores. From the past 2 weeks, I have been the one doing all the house chores and it’s getting very hard for me to do it all alone.”
“We used to share our responsibilities and do all the house chores together, but from the past 2 weeks, he isn’t even taking care of himself. He is barely even brushing his teeth and taking a bath, let alone do the house chores.”
“Also he is actually supposed to be working from home, but ever since the pc arrived, he hasn’t even touched his laptop to work and he’s isn’t even seeing his phone to check if someone has called/text him anything regarding work. I’m now genuinely afraid that he might lose his job.”
“Everything that is happening right now is so bad, I called my parents and told them about it last night and they almost had nothing to say. I’m thinking of calling his parents tonight and telling it to them, and maybe they can knock some sense into him.”
“I honestly don’t know what else to do now. I want to burn that pc.”
“It would be very nice if someone suggested me something about this. Thank you very much for reading this and thank you very much in advance for your comments and suggestions.”
Redditors who are also gamers had plenty of advice to offer.
A lot of it had to do with questioning the amount the fiancé claimed to have spent for a PC, table and chair.
“So. I game. My husband games. We are both avid gamers—him moreso than I—and he lives and breathes his computer.”
“When I read this post out loud and he heard the amount that your (hopefully ex) fiancé blew on his computer, he asked ‘Does the computer suck his d*ck while he games? Does he sh*t into the chair and it power the computer for him? Even as a hardcore computer gaming enthusiast, I would have to make a considerable effort to spend even HALF of what he did. I don’t know how that’s physically possible even with top-of-the-line hardware. He either grossly overpaid, or he’s telling her that’s what was spent on the computer, but he’s lying and blew it elsewhere because of the amount of unnecessary sh*t that he had to buy in order to get to that number in the first place. That’s f’king insanity’.”
“It’s been 15 minutes and he’s still ranting about how unbelievable that amount is to spend on a computer.”
“If I were you, and my fiancé pulled that stunt, I would tell him to marry the computer since he’s so dedicated to it that it requires all his time and our joint wedding fund.”
“I’m just going to leave it at that.” ~ Lharka
“I think every gamer who came across this post was only thinking, ‘what did he buy?’. 8K for a gaming rig is just insane.” ~ throwaway8950873
“His mind was literally blown. It’s been hours and STILL this is the topic of conversation. We’ve made it our goal today to try and theoretically build one that could even come close to this.” ~ Lharka
“‘…Also he is actually supposed to be working from home, but ever since the pc arrived, he hasn’t even touched his laptop to work and he’s isn’t even seeing his phone to check if someone has called/text him anything regarding work…’.”
“I’m almost sure he either doesn’t have a job anymore or he got himself a vacation. You can’t just not check your laptop/work phone for 2 weeks and still keep your job.”
“After a couple of days of missing work without giving a reason, they either try to get in touch with you through other means or fire you directly.”
“I agree with the other people that commented—8000$ for a gaming PC is too much. You really should get to the bottom of this and go from there.”
“But I don’t see how is this salvageable. He clearly doesn’t respect you and seems that he doesn’t really care about you.”
“I wouldn’t marry someone like him.” ~ MariannaS01
“My monitor, which is the acer predator z35 and is f’king top of the line sans 4k, cost less than $3k. My gaming PC, which had, at the time, the best graphics card available (gtx 1080) was $2000.”
“Wtf did he f’king buy?” ~ SnowSkye2
“My gaming rig with a 165hz 2k predator 26″ monitor, gtx1080ti, Intel i7-7700k that I built 3or4 years ago was less than $3,000.”
“I have no idea what this fool bought.” ~ CommandoLamb
While there were questions about the money actually all being spent on the PC, chair and table or something else he didn’t want to disclose, most people advised the OP to cut her losses.
“You lost 8k but congrats you found out your fiancé is a POS. Call off the wedding go stay with your parents for a few weeks see if he gets the hint to sell PC and try and win you back.
“I bet he won’t but who knows.”
“Consider that you got lucky and found this out before marriage and kids. Move on and find a man who cares about you more than a video game….”
“Don’t destroy any off his stuff and don’t call his parents he is an adult. Do pack your sh*t then have a talk with him and then immediately go stay with your parents so he understands this is real!” ~ Combination_Salt
“This is exactly what I would do. Say you’re not coming back until the money is replaced and he’s in a healthier state of mind.”
“If he wants to get married he’ll have to prove it.” ~ _sissy_hankshaw_
“Even if he puts the money back, he’s shown how little regard he had for her. Two weeks without any acknowledgment?”
“Stealing her money and hiding it? Treating her as a maid?”
“I’d consider whether this is who he is and whether he thought that since they’re getting married he didn’t have to try anymore.”
“Try to talk with him for sure, but without something drastic I’m not sure this is excusable behavior.” ~ Willothwisp2303
The OP did not return to provide an update. Hopefully she found the answers she needed.