Traditions, especially familial and cultural, can be an important part of who we are. Many families have traditions that are preserved generation after generation.
But what if that tradition prevented you from doing something that makes you happy? Prevented you from marrying the person you love?
“AITA for being angry at my fiancee’s family and telling them to grow up and be better, because they won’t support us getting married since her older sister is still single?”
“I [27M] have been with my fiancee [27F] for two years. Six months ago I proposed. Her family has always gotten along with me.”
“In her culture it was forbidden for younger siblings to marry before their older ones. Siblings had to marry in birth order. I had no idea about that.”
”She’s 3rd generation Canadian. Her parents don’t have any siblings so it wasn’t a problem. One of her grandparents has a younger brother but he’s never been married and is more of a scholar so it wasn’t a problem.”
“She has one sibling [30F]. Last year her sister’s boyfriend of seven years left the relationship because of her pressure on him to marry. He always said marriage wasn’t for him but he was okay with a committed relationship without it.”
”They had lived together for almost 5 years. My fiancee did feel for her but at the same time her sister didn’t listen to what he said and she thought she could change his mind. Her family was not happy about the engagement.”
“They say she shouldn’t have gotten engaged before her sister was married and should have said ‘not yet’ to my proposal.”
“Now they want us to wait until her sister gets married. She’s completely single now and her getting married would take years.”
“This never came up before. They always got along with me fine.”
“Her sister was especially upset at hearing the news. Her four grandparents, great uncle and parents are on her sister’s side.”
“We’ve decided not to wait to get married because there is no end to the pandemic in sight. We’re getting married Friday on our two year anniversary.”
”We will do it outdoors. The only people there will be the officiant and two friends to be witness and take pictures and video.”
“The three of them work with us (we work in a hospital, I’m a histologist and my fiancee is a respiratory therapist) so we won’t be around any new people.”
“We’ll stream it for any family and friends and colleagues who want to watch and will mail/email the video and photos to anyone who asks. We won’t have a reception or honeymoon until things are better.”
“Her parents, sister, grandparents and great-uncle say they will not watch the wedding. I’m angry at them.”
“We live in modern Canada. People don’t get married young as in past times.”
“Her sister is an adult with a college degree and a full-time job but she is being so petty and her family is supporting her. It’s not like we got engaged the day her sister’s boyfriend left her. More than a year has passed.”
“AITA for being angry with her family and telling them to knock it off? She’s hurt to have no family support.”
“Work has been hell for both of us due to the pandemic and either of us getting a day off has been like pulling teeth (no one’s fault just the pandemic).”
”We both have to work the day after our wedding too. Besides work we haven’t left our home for anything since March.”
“We are working extra hours. We just want one nice thing.”
“I’m also wondering if they will be angry if my fiancee gets pregnant before her sister. I don’t like seeing her hurt.”
The OP asked Redditors to weigh in to decide:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors reached a ruling quickly in this situation, deciding OP was NTA.
“NTA”
“I’m aware of such traditions and sadly in some cases deep rooted traditions like that are placed over happiness of people, which is unfair.”
“You should support your fiancee, but know that you might never change their mind and be prepared for the fallout you both will receive. It’s a terrible situation but unless they want to change their minds, nothing will change.”~ RonitSarangi
“NTA. Not only is this tradition foolish, but your fiancé’s sister decided to spend seven years dating a man who she knew would never marry her. You don’t know if she’ll ever get married or not.”~ Ecojosh1
“NTA. Your life doesn’t and shouldn’t revolve around another person’s desire or opportunity to marry. God, even Jane Austen pointed that out in Pride and Prejudice 200 odd years ago. 🤦🏻♀️“
“Congratulations on your wedding.”~ ursadminor
“NTA. This is a tradition that needs to die. It’s cruel and ridiculous, and pressure and expectation to get married becomes too high.”
“If they also believe in having kids after marriage, then the younger siblings might end up waiting until it was too late to get pregnant.”
“They will be angry but hopefully once tradition is broken and they get used to the idea, and there’s nothing they can do to change it, they might all calm down and come around. Might take a while though.”~ ShinyArtist
“NTA. They are grasping at an old and outdated tradition and her sister is the ringleader. She should ask her family what happens if her sister never gets married since her last relationship was 7 years and no marriage.”
“If you two want kids, that also puts out when you would have children (assuming you would not have children until marriage) possibly putting both your wife and the baby at higher risk.”
“Go get married. Happiness is the best revenge.”~ Holisarcasm
“NTA. Congratulations and best wishes to you and your bride.”~ Veblan1
Congratulations and best wishes to the couple. They may not have family approval but they have Reddit’s support.