Redditor Valuable_Ad7539 recently became a firefighter, completing their 6 month probation period.
At the end of the 6 months, it is tradition for a new firefighter to host a dinner for their family and friends at the fire station. The occasion is a major milestone in a firefighter’s career.
The Original Poster (OP) has been telling their family about this dinner for months, but now that the date has been set they found out their sister has a conflicting rave to attend.
The OP’s sister paid a bit of money for her tickets, and so in order for her to cancel those plans she is demanding that the OP pay for both her and her boyfriend’s tickets. Totaling $600.
The OP refused, but is deeply hurt that their sister won’t forego the rave to attend their dinner.
This drove them to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
They asked:
“AITA for not giving my sister $600 to come to my dinner at the fire station i work at”
They went on to explain:
“Context: when you first get hired by the fire department the first 6 months are called probation. After you complete it you cook dinner at your station, invite your family and whoever else you want.”
“I’d been telling my family since I first got hired that they ALL need to come.”
“When I finally got the date I could have my dinner my 20 year old sister said she had tickets for a rave that day and can’t change the dates anymore.”
“This was an extremely big deal to me and I’m very upset that she won’t just not go to the rave and come to my dinner.”
“I rarely ask her to go places and she always flakes out and says she’s ‘tired’ but has the energy to go out with friends every week.”
“She then said if I gave her the money she spent then she’d be able to go but also said I’d have to reimburse her boyfriend too, which I refused.”
“Not because I don’t like him but because I don’t want to pay 600 for my sister to come to an event I had been telling her about for months.”
“She said unless I did that she can’t go, and I’m extremely upset and offended that my own d*mn sister would rather go to a rave then her brothers probationary dinner…”
“…since this is like a wedding or graduation and not going is extremely messed up.”
“You go out to support your family cause you love them and want to be there for their accomplishments…”
“…seldom rarely do my other family members even fake smiles at these events but I know if it was the other way around I’d move heaven and earth to be there for my family’s big day.”
“Update: She didn’t pay $600 of her own money, she wanted me to pay her’s AND her bf’s. Coming out to 600, at first I was willing for 300 but 600 is too much.”
“My entire immediate family is going out and I’m dropping at least a stack on food so 600 is where I drew the line yes”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“YTA for a number of reasons. Your sister had the tickets before you knew of the date of the dinner so demanding she dump her others plans, and lose money to come to your event is not ok.”
“And secondly comparing the end of a new job probation to a wedding is just plain stupid. Those events are not comparable “ – Medical_Squash_915
“YTA. You don’t get to demand that people attend an event. This is a job, not your wedding.”
“Don’t compare it to graduation or a wedding. This is a job. Even if it were your wedding, you still don’t get to demand that people attend.”
“You’re unreasonable for expecting others to keep their schedule free and cancel their plans.” – Sandmint
“‘they ALL need to come.'”
“No, they don’t. Your sister is still practically a kid; she likes to go to raves, she knows the dinner would be boring for her.”
“She does not want to go. Therefore you should not beg her to go. Why would you want her there if she does not want to be there? Leave her alone.”
“I feel for your wanting your whole family to be there, but light YTA.” – StonewallBrigade21
“YTA, just because you wanted her to attend doesn’t mean she has an obligation to attend, especially if she spent 600 bucks on tickets.”
“If you wanted her to be there you should have cleared the date with her beforehand to make sure she doesn’t have other plans…”
“…but to be clear even in that situation she still doesn’t have an obligation to attend a dinner with your work mates.” – Willing_Cartoonist16
“So you think it’s nbd for her to throw away $600 but suddenly it’s a huge deal if you have to throw down $600 for her to come? Lmao.”
“She bought her tickets first, neither of you knew the dates for your dinner, you can’t expect people to just sit at home forever waiting for your event.”
“And a wedding, you typically ask people to reserve a specific date like a year/half a year ahead of time and sh*t still happens and people can’t show.”
“It is what it is, the world doesn’t revolve around your potluck.“ – FruitParfait
“Trying to imagine throwing a party celebrating the fact that I’d successfully kept a job for 6 months and expecting all my friends and family to come. ~child and nibling of a firefighter.”
“YTA” – Impossible_Range_109
“YTA.”
“There’s a joke in emergency services. How do you know a firefighter isn’t feeling good? They haven’t told anyone they are a firefighter in the last minute.”
“Maybe you have exhausted her with talk about being a firefighter.”
“I work in EMS. I graduated from paramedic school several years ago.”
“I extended the invitation to the graduation to several dear people and didn’t feel hurt that they couldn’t make it for whatever reason.”
“I understood they had their own lives, and what was big for me was not big for them.”
“I have people at my work, and all they talk about is getting into a fire department. I tend to avoid them because it just gets tiring.”
“When was the last time you did something with your sister that she wanted to do? You say you ask her to go places, have you asked what is doing and if you can go with her?”
“There is a difference there.” – jazzy_flowers
“I understand that this is a HUGE milestone as it’s been my privilege to be included in 3 such dinners (and two CDF captain’s cookouts, celebrating promotions).”
“She should definitely be more excited about this invitation (and I certainly would have gotten the date for your dinner before putting anything else on my schedule) but it is still an invitation…”
“…not a subpoena, and she’s free to decline …and I am sad for you but not surprised that she’s not making it a priority. Ultimately, I don’t think you’re really surprised, either, as much as hurt…”
“‘I rarely ask her to go places and she always flakes out and says she’s ‘tired’ but has the energy to go out with friends every week.'”
“She’s kind of an AH for having, in my opinion, crap priorities but, at the end of the day, she has other stuff happening that day and if she doesn’t want to cancel, she’s not obligated to.”
“I hope are proud as hell & wish you a long, safe career.”
“As much as I want to say she’s wrong, I gotta say NAH” – rapt2right
“YTA”
“Your sister had the tickets before the date of your dinner was decided.”
“Even if you told her about the dinner months in advance, you can’t just expect her to keep her schedule completely open for you.”
“Was she supposed to stay home all month and do nothing but wait for your call? Your dinner is important to you, but did you consider that maybe the concert is important to her?”
“What if it’s her one chance to see her favorite artist perform? Even if it’s not, $600 is a lot to lose out on.”
“I don’t think it’s right for her to demand money from OP, but it’s also not right for OP to ask her to throw away the tickets because it conflicts with his schedule.”
“Yes, the situation is unfortunate. Yes, you’re allowed to feel disappointed that she won’t be there. But that doesn’t mean she’s obligated to give up her life just to celebrate yours.” – throwaway84543
“Congratulations on passing probation. But yeah, YTA.”
“Not for not giving her the money, but for still expecting her to eat the cost of not attending her event to attend yours.”
“Your family members can’t just hold all dates/make no plans indefinitely to ensure they’re available for your work event.”
“And that’s what this is. Your work event.”
“It’s great that other family members can come to your work event…”
“…but it’s not a sign of disrespect or love that a family member with an expensive prior commitment isn’t willing to miss it for your work event.”
“She bought the tickets together with her boyfriend. If she doesn’t go, it affects his experience too.”
“Her wanting you to cover total expenses if you expect her to attend doesn’t change my verdict.” – embopbopbopdoowop
Congratulations, OP! But not everyone is obligated to celebrate you the way you want them to.
Well, readers, what do you think? Her decision clearly had some backdraft!
Let us know what you think in the comments below.