We don’t always want to admit it, but sometimes people show us exactly who they are, and we just have to believe them.
That’s especially true of how they treat us and how they will always treat us, cautioned the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Educational_Leg8193 thought her relationship was going well, certainly well enough to book a vacation that involved a flight with her boyfriend.
But when her boyfriend had the opportunity to upgrade to first-class seats, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked and hurt when he accepted the invitation, even though it was not also extended to her.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for being upset my boyfriend upgraded his seat to first class and left me in economy on our flight?”
The OP was shocked by how her boyfriend treated her on a flight before their vacation.
“My boyfriend (32 Male) and I (29 Female) booked flights for vacation together. We bought economy tickets.”
“At the gate, he got an offer to upgrade to first class for a discount, and he took it.”
“He looked at me and said, ‘Sorry, babe. I’ll see you when we land.'”
The OP was furious and hurt by her boyfriend’s lack of consideration.
“I ended up sitting in the back, squeezed between two strangers, while he enjoyed champagne and legroom up front.”
“When I told him afterward that I felt hurt, he said I was ‘overreacting’ and that he ‘deserved to treat himself,’ because he paid for his own ticket.”
“It honestly felt so inconsiderate, like he just ditched me. But now I’m questioning if I’m blowing this out of proportion.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some who had similar experiences warned the OP that this “upgrade” was a serious red flag.
“I was dating a person who played in a community hockey league. Went to his games, sat alone, and froze my a** off for hours, just to support him.”
“At the end of the game, all the players go to change and get their gear. Slowly, they all come out, and I sit waiting and waiting. And waiting. Eventually, I realize he must not be in the building?”
“So I walked out to the car lot. And there he stands with a group of buddies, drinking beer and sitting on coolers, where they had been for quite some time”
“He also ditched me, and let me tell you, it was one of many, many red flags I ignored at the time. When people show you who they are, believe them.” – dispeckful
“Lord, NOR. I was dating a guy who went into the military. I wrote to him every day. I got an invitation to attend his graduation halfway across the country, wrote to tell him I’d be there, flew over, rented a car, and went to the graduation…”
“And the AH left me sitting in the stands. He’d left with his parents, whom he had told me weren’t coming. It turned out, he hadn’t even told them we were dating.”
“I’d have saved a lot of heartache if I’d just turned around and washed my hands of him right then.” – KeiylaPolly
“I dated a guy in the military. I was only 19, and he pushed hard for us to get married, only six months in. We did (sigh and eyeroll).”
“Then, his parents came up from Texas to visit, and I literally had to move out my things so he could lie and tell them that we weren’t living together because he never told them we got married.”
“Absolute, total self-serving and dishonest a**hole he was.” – No-Ambition1070
“I don’t know why, but your story brought something back up for me, OP, that I think you should hear… Because if you don’t leave him over this stupid ticket, it won’t be the last time he leaves you in the dust.”
“I was playing in a women’s soccer league, and my then-husband and I had young kids, so he would stay home while I played my games (they were always late starts too).”
“One night, the stars lined up just right, and the kids were both at sleepovers, so he would be able to come watch me play.”
“Except, he invited his drinking buddy friend, and they spent the whole time at the pub at the other end of the facility.”
“I kept looking up, hoping to see him, but he…just wasn’t there. I was so hurt and disappointed.”
“The drive back was super uncomfortable, especially when we were stopped by a train that took like 10 minutes to pass.”
“Divorced now for almost 20 years, but I’ve never forgotten how it felt to be someone’s second choice.” – rippytherip
“I was dating a guy, and things were okay, but we had been having some fights here and there. I had friends in town who wanted to go to a baseball game. My boyfriend at the time loved baseball, so I got tickets for all of us to go.”
“At the top of the third inning, he says he’s going to use the bathroom and get a beer. By the top of the sixth inning, my friends are wondering if he’s okay because he’s not back yet. I send him a couple of ‘Hey, everything OK, did you fall in?’ texts. No response.”
“At the top of the eighth inning, he returns. By this time, my friends had left because the game was running long and they had dinner plans. I was sitting alone and worried.”
“He scoffed at me for being ‘worried’ and said he wasn’t checking his phone because he didn’t want to be ‘rude.'”
“Apparently, he ran into some woman he used to date and her friend, and he sat there for five innings with them. He said that he was getting bored sitting with people he didn’t know and listening to us talk about things, and so he decided to sit with them for a while. Without letting me know. After I paid for his ticket.”
“I literally stared at him in silence. Then I picked up my stuff, and without a word, I walked out. He sent one message about an hour later asking if I had gone home. I ignored it and went to dinner with my friends.”
“We didn’t communicate for a week, and then he sent me a text asking if this meant we were breaking up. I just responded, ‘Yep, not interested in continuing to date you anymore.’ And that was that. He didn’t even reply.”
“Having boundaries and refusing to let people walk all over you isn’t a guarantee that you’ll never meet or even get involved with someone who doesn’t respect you. It means that you won’t waste your life trying to make things work after they disrespect you.” – Beneficial-Remove693
Others totally agreed with their fellow Redditors’ experiences and reassured the OP that she was NOR.
“You are not overreacting. Several years ago, my wife, our son, and I were traveling from Brazil to Amsterdam, a 12-hour flight. It was at a time when KLM flew the 747 double-decker, with business class on the top.”
“At the gate, I was told I got an upgrade to business. I didn’t want to leave my wife and she didn’t want to fly in business away from her family either.”
“The solution? We sent our 10-year-old son to business. He still remembers that flight and being served champagne (he said he refused. Who knows?)” – daluan2
“I fly a lot for work and get frequent upgrades. Flying is so second nature to me. First class is infinitely better, but the flights go by really quickly.”
“When traveling with my father, I was offered an upgrade and gave it to him. He said he didn’t want it and would rather sit with me.”
“I convinced him to try it and said I would visit him. He still talks about that fancy flight and all the free snacks. It was so easy for me to treat someone in a way they will always remember.”
“I get your boyfriend wanting that cool experience. I get him thinking it’s no big deal. I understand where he’s coming from. But also, your feelings are 100% valid. If this is a good illustration of how he treats you regularly, take note. If you don’t like this feeling, break up.”
“Everyone saying he should have offered it to you or at least consulted you is right. That’s basic travel partner etiquette.” – Internal-Pirate-4018
“My wife and I are fortunate to travel in business class most of the time, but neither of us would sit in business class and have the other in economy.. And if we’re traveling with literally anyone else (our nieces, parents, whoever)… we have them sit up instead.”
“It’s just one of these things that is NOT a big deal in and of itself, but it speaks volumes about whether the other person cares about your feelings.”
“This is mad cheesy, I know, but I also just don’t want to sit apart from my wife on any journey lollll. She’s fun !! I like to hang out with her.” – madmaxtellall
“OP, let me answer your question by telling you a story.”
“I recently met a widower of 20+ years. His wife was the love of his life, and he never even dated anyone after she died. They spent five years sailing together, just the two of them.”
“She was a devout Catholic. He was never religious. But every time they would stop into a port, he would find the closest chapel and the schedule so his wife could attend church. And he would always go with her.”
“He said he never got anything religious out of attending, but being there with her and watching how much it meant to her and how much she got out of it was its own kind of religious experience.”
“If this sounds like what you want, I would ask yourself if this fool, AKA your current boyfriend, is capable of this kind of caring and selflessness.”
“Then I think you have your answer.” – RTIQL8
“I’ve been married 20 years, and we almost always take the upgrade. But we take turns with who gets it, and if the flight is long enough, we’ll even switch up mid-flight. Take the free luxury!”
“The problem here is that he never thought about you, and that tells you where you stand in his mind. You’re not that important to him, and he’s too selfish to consider you.”
“And I’m guessing this is one of many examples you’ve experienced.”
“As someone else said, upgrade to a new relationship. Being alone is better than not being important to your partner.” – Fancy_Blackberry_570
Though the subReddit could get behind the idea of enjoying a good upgrade every once in a while, they questioned if they couldn’t enjoy it with their partner, what was the point?
All this boyfriend seemed to be doing was hinting at how much he did not value the OP, and if that was the message he was going to send, it was time for the OP to upgrade her relationship status.