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Former Addict Lashes Out After Brother-In-Law Questions How A ‘Druggie’ Like Him Could Adopt

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Everybody has a breaking point.

And everybody has that person who knows how to find it.

How long is a person to wait before they speak up for themselves?

After all… we’re only human.

Case in point…

Redditor imadeit33__ wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for my response to my BIL’s ‘truth serum?'”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (M[ale] 33) am a former drug addict.”

“I’ve been clean for over 11 years and I’d established a good home life for me and my wife.”

“We are now ready to adopt.”

“We can’t have our own kids due to fertility issues and all the other options had already been exhausted.”

“So anyway, we visited my inl-aws’ house to have dinner and break the news to them.”

“B[rother] I[n] L[aw] was there with his wife and kids.”

“Frankly, BIL and don’t get along all too well.”

“He for some reason keeps bringing up my past which is annoying to an extent but I never said anything about it.”

“He says he has what he call ‘truth serum’ which ‘enables’ him to tell it how it is and never sugarcoat anything.”

“We were sitting eating when the topic of adoption came up.”

“M[other] I[n] L[aw] and F[ather] I[n] L[aw] congratulated us and hoped that everything will work out well.”

“But BIL stared silently for a while then said ‘hmmm I’m not sure how a druggie can be eligible to adopt.'”

“I paused and the room got quiet.”

“My wife tried to change the topic but I asked BIL what that was about.”

“He shrugged and said he was just ‘under the affect’ of the ‘truth serum.'”

“I absolutely went off on him and told him I too just taken my ‘truth serum’ and it’s beginning to kick in so fast.”

“I then began berating him saying that I’M NOT ON DRUGS.”

“I have been clean for 11+ years and I will gladly take a DNA TEST, a URINE, BLOOD, HAIR SAMPLE, and a fucking LIE DETECTOR to prove it.”

“I then brought up his smokes, alcohol and prescription drug intake and told him to look in the f**king mirror to see who the real ‘druggie’ is.”

“He was absolutely shocked, even his wife was in shock.”

“I then casually sat down and resumed eating from my plate.”

“BIL got up from his chair silently and went outside.”

“It was awkward I could tell.”

“His wife then got the kids and rushed out.”

“My wife and her mom followed her trying to get her and BIL to get back inside but they left.”

“My wife started yelling at me for what I said to her brother.”

“And said that this is who he is but I escalated thing and ruined dinner when I could’ve ignored him.”

“I don’t know I admit I let my anger get the best of me and I could’ve kept my composure but felt like I was done with it.”

“AITA for my response? Did I go too far here?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. You gave him a taste of his own medicine and he didn’t like it. Good for you. He sounds like an enormous fool.” ~ Sailorgirl06

“Yeah, I was going to go that route but figured everyone would be jumping on that wagon lol.”

“Honestly, as unfortunate as this situation is, it made me laugh out loud.”

“’I too just taken my truth serum and it’s beginning to kick in so fast.'”

“The BIL sounds atrocious and OP definitely did the right thing.”

“Poor guy, if I were his wife I’d have put a stop to it long ago, but that’s just me.”

“Hopefully BIL will lay off the serum for a while lol.”  ~ Sailorgirl06

“Sounds like BIL’s wife and OP’s wife have both decided this is just ‘who he is,’ i.e.”

“If we object to his deliberately cruel behavior he’ll escalate to a horrific tantrum so it’s easier to just let him be an asshole, act like he’s not responsible for his own actions, lie there and take it.”

“And, in OP’s wife’s case, get mad at anyone who doesn’t lie there and take it.”

“To be honest, man, I’m glad adoption is such a long process, because I really don’t think you should coparent with your wife until she has fundamentally changes how she engages with her brother.”

“As it stands, she’s acting from the assumption that people are obligated to submit to bullying, and should be scolded if they stand up for themselves.”

“Do you get how damaging a belief system that is to instill in a kid, what sort of danger it might put them in over the course of their lives?”  ~ yet_another_sock

“I do think a lot of people forget that every single human has its limit and breaking point.”

“Especially if you are not used to the general rule in certain groups or cultural situations.”

“Each family and workplace have their own group and cultural rule albeit a simple one or a quirky one.”

“Usually, when something is against your core value or your own being, you’ll feel it in the pit of your stomach.”

“And it’ll eat your mind and soul a bit at a time when it happens until either you give in and become a custom to it (while being half of who you use to be) or you’ll blow out.”

“Sometimes people also mistake patience for defeat.”

“Just because they didn’t respond to your ‘joke’ or insults doesn’t mean they were defeated by you.”

“But it could be because some people try to be the bigger person and be patient with you.”

“And again because we are human and not the saint we will have our limit to tolerate things.”

“I just wish people would speak up and set the boundary sooner so the joker/bullies know it is not okay rather than blow up one day.”

“Also to all the joker/bullies please remember you can only beat a dead horse for so long and don’t be shocked and surprised if you get any retaliation.”  ~ Miaput

“OP has been clean for 11 years!”

“If that doesn’t show dedication and commitment to building a good, healthy life for himself I don’t know what does.”

“I can’t imagine what addiction must be like.”

“But I do know that one of the strongest, best people I know was an addict for many years.”

“And has now been clean for over 20 years.”

“She is completely dedicated to remaining clean.”

“And it’s an every day effort for her, because, as she says, even though the urge has been gone for many years now.”

“She can’t afford to let down her guard for one moment.”

“In my opinion, this has positively impacted other areas of her life because she’s learned how to be so very disciplined.”

“I envy her work ethic a little, even though I wouldn’t want to go through what she had to go through to get it.”

“OP will probably make a wonderful parent.”

“I don’t know about his wife, though.”

“If she’s going to insist on her brother being in her children’s lives, it could really be problematic for everyone involved.”  ~ BaitedBreaths

“In addition, OP’s drug use was obviously in his teens and/or very early 20s.”

‘Who didn’t pull stuff at that age we wish we could go back and undo?”

“I’m not saying it’s okay or something to sweep under a rug, but the human brain isn’t even done fully developing at that age.”

“It’s impressive to me that OP was able to recognize and get a handle on the problem that young.”

“Many addicts waste another decade or two caught in the trap.”

“One of the things that bugs me most is a hypocrite.”

“BIL is 2x that.”

“First, in that he’s an unresolved addict critiquing someone else’s resolved addiction.”

“And we’ve all seen at least as much damage done by Rx drugs as street drugs, not to mention smoking/drinking.”

“Second, in that he’s entitled to speak with no filter while expecting everyone else to keep their feet firmly planted upon eggshells.”

“I cannot imagine what insane, emotionally challenged circumstances gave birth to this absurd ‘truth serum’ sound bite, but that’s all it is and exactly what it’s worth.”  ~ Caili_West

“The only thing OP is even remotely possibly an AH for is doing this in front of BIL’s kids, depending on their ages.”

“If they are teenagers, they are old enough to see their dad get what he deserves for being an asshole and know the repercussions of using ‘truth serum.'”

“If they are little kids, then the adult fights should probably be done away from them though.”

“But even then, BIL had it coming and hopefully his kids don’t turn out like he is.”  ~ Frejian

Sounds like OP needed to vent a bit.

It also sounds like it was a long time coming.

Reddit is your corner OP.

Clearly somethings needed to be said.