People with penises everywhere:
STOP SENDING UNSOLICITED DICK PICS.
That is sexual harassment, plain and simple.
And, others need to stop defending harassers and perceiving it as “funny.”
Redditor DefiantPerception978 encountered this very issue with her relatives. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for posting a relative’s nudes in the family group chat?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Kyle (22M) is a distant relative. Well he’s actually my (19F) stepdad’s cousin’s kid. I’ve never really been around him much though. Just the odd family get together.”
“We hadn’t seen each other for awhile but we did at a wedding a few months ago.”
“He got drunk and kept hitting on me saying how hot I was and how he’d love to get to know me better. I rolled my eyes and kept trying to get away from him but he kept following me about throughout the day.”
“Later on he kept someone gave him my number and he kept on messaging me. I complained to my stepdad who shrugged it off.”
“Some people even thought it was cute or funny which just encouraged him to act more outrageous.”
But, he took it to the next level.
“A few days later he started sexting me and nudes.”
“What’s worse was people who were at the wedding would tease me like it was some grand joke.”
“About a month or two later I finally had enough I sent everyone who had mocked me and then some got nudes of Kyle.”
“Family making fun of me and Kyle in the group chat – Kyle Nude. Aunt who thought we would make a cute couple – Kyle Nude. His parents who had raised him to be this crappy person – Kyle Nude plus lewd texts. My stepdad even received a printed picture on his pillow.”
“Amazing how many people I could find via group chats and various social media and others that I had phone numbers for.”
OP’s family stopped thinking it was funny.
“I’ve had a few family members telling me off telling me how gross it was sending them nudes of Kyle and how I invaded his privacy although the younger generation of cousins has taken to posting memes about him such as ‘when there’s a family reunion and you can’t decide which of your cousins to bang’ or edited versions of his pictures such as a small leaf covering his bits.”
OP added some edits.
“Tried to block him but he keeps creating fake accounts and contacting me on different areas of social media.”
“I’ve already told him off for hitting on me only to receive a nude of him saying ‘bet if you had a taste you would like it.'”
“I was just fed up with the mocking, the messages from people making fun of me and him and him hitting me down. It was tiring. I began to dread the phone message sounds to the point where I turned the phone off and went walking around for the day without it.”
“I know it’s an extreme to send nudes to everyone but it shut them up about how we should go out and how I should give Kyle a chance.”
“Yes, Kyle has stopped sending me nudes.”
“My cousins found out about it and started making fun of him. His stepbrother changed his ring tone to ‘sweet home Alabama’ and his morning alarm to it and keeps saying ‘what are you doing stepbro’ just to annoy him.”
“Kyle did have a rant on my voice mail saying that I had ruined him and how much of a bitch I was.”
“Revenge porn isn’t a thing where I live.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were conflicted about who was at fault.
“It’s curious how everyone thinks his behavior is funny and cute up until you start treating them the way Kyle treated you.”
“Sexual harassment isn’t funny and Kyle needs a lesson in consent. I think your response to their encouragement of his behavior was perfect. Maybe it’ll make them think twice in the future.”
“Does your response make you an AH? Maybe, but sometimes that’s what it takes to get through to people. Either way, I love your answer to their pestering.” ~ karrahbear12
“I agree. Super creative way to end the harassment and stop those who were complicit in it. It maybe wasn’t the nicest thing you could of done, but hey I’m all for it as well.” ~ thetownslore
“Very creative. Why should OP do the nice thing, just because she’s female? Sounds like no one at all was being nice to her.” ~ Top-Bit85
“Hate this attitude as well. Creepy dudes in my inbox are always so offended when I tell them to fuck off. ‘You didn’t have to be so rude, a simple no would have sufficed!'”
“But you get to be rude and gross and creepy though?” ~ Imnotawerewolf
“Nice thing would be making a police report if that country has laws about stalking and harassment.” ~ Draigdwi
“My first thought when the family thought SHE crossed the line by sending them. What about the a**hole that sent them unprompted originally?”
“Never appropriate and is the equivalent of modern day flashing.” ~ Profitsofdooom
“Because in some places sharing nudes that were sent to you count as revenge porn and can get you prison time. F*ck Kyle though. He deserved it.” ~ Floridaman12517
“I think she would have a stronger case for sexual harassment then he would have got revenge porn.” ~ fierypheonix
“I’ve got more ire for the family for some reason: ‘kids’ – here defined as people younger than 25 – can be understood though not forgiven for failing to anticipate the consequences of the creepery her sort-of cousin demonstrated here (he almost literally hung himself out to dry).”
“We’re so consistently stupid at that age that we pay extra to rent cars. Dogpiling to get an extra happy story out of a wedding or whatever the hell was going on with the fam seems so much worse, it might not be egregious enough to be called betrayal but it feels like it’s in the vein, like you’d define it similarly.” ~ RandomGuy1838
“NTA but the way you responded is hilarious.”
“He was sexually harassing you for months, after you told him to stop.”
“Don’t feel bad, just try to stay clear of him for awhile lol.” ~ Shesakiller2003
“NTA. I’m appalled that your relatives were okay with your stepcousin sexually harassing you.”
“One could argue that the nudes he sent were a form of sexual abuse, too.”
“Since your relatives were horrified to receive his nudes, they should have understood your feelings of revulsion.” ~ OurLadyOfCygnets
“NTA. Obviously first thought was how wrong it is to share pictures without consent but then the original pictures were shared without consent.”
“OP could have called the police for stalking and harassment so this seems like a reasonable de-escalation strategy.”
“There’s part of me that still thinks the police should be informed as I wonder how many other (teenage) women he’s been doing this with as it seems practiced.” ~ Jess1ca1467
“NTA because you tried to get the older generation to engage with this being unacceptable. They didn’t and he doubled down because why wouldn’t he?”
“He was the kind of person to do it in the first place and they weren’t giving any consequences!”
“Welcome to consequences! He wants to wave his willy at members of his extended family who don’t want to see it?
“Mission accomplished! Plus the younger generation of your extended family rocks, ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ is the perfect response to this and he deserves anything he gets.” ~ pienofilling
“NTA. The guy is an entitled brat who thinks sexual harassment is ok and would not stop – they never do.”
“And the rest of the family apparently thinks the same way.”
“Good that you stood up for yourself and showed him you’re not to mess with.” ~ guzforster
“Why the heck do guys continue to expect to get away with this bad behavior??”
“Funny story. Well, actually a f’ked up story with a satisfying ending.”
“A few years ago I match with this guy and we start texting. All good but I need to get going with my day so I tell him I have plans with family, catch up later.”
“Well, he just keeps texting and starts to get mad that I’m not responding from my nephew’s birthday party. I also had asked him several times that morning for his schedule so we could get a drink or talk on the phone.”
“He repeatedly ignored those messages and continued to try and talk about whatever he wanted. So later in the day, I try, as kindly as I can, to say thanks but no thanks.”
“He asks why and I cited our communication problem and my need to honor my plans and not be rude to my family and he FLIPS OUT. Rage texts every 10 min for hours.”
“I’m a fat cnt, b!tch, whor, etc… Like a complete psycho.”
“Every crude, derogatory term you can think of, he used it again and again for HOURS.”
“I thought about blocking him, but that’s no fun. The platform we met on linked to his social media.”
“So I was quickly able to find his FB, linked in, etc… I get to wondering who raised this jerk but sadly I am not able to find his mom on FB.”
“But…I did find his SIL and she had pics on her page of him holding her infant daughter. The insane texts from him are still flowing in, so I opted to send her the screenshots of his texts and said that she should be more careful who she trusts to be around her daughter.”
“Luckily that did the trick and the text stopped immediately after she read my messages but I still regret not sending them to his employer too.” ~ gardengreenbacks
“So your sh*tty family members are saying, ‘Hey it’s okay if Kyle sends you nude pics but we don’t want you to send us your nude pics!'”
“Good job on sending his nude pics along. I’m a petty person when I get harassed, so I’d go as far as send his replies to all family members.”
“Every text, every voicemail (that might be harder), every single correspondance. I’d keep it up alllllll weekend, and make it my nightly hobby.”
“When Kyle stops, you’ll stop. But that’s just me.” ~ terraincognita360
“NTA if he didn’t get the hint and everyone else didn’t shut it down instead enabled it. They shouldn’t have assumed your complaints were a joke and instead they got a picture of his bits that he sent to his cousin.”
“They shut up and he is humiliated for not stopping his shenanigans.” ~ karma2420
“I’d like to buy Kyle’s stepbrother a beer one day – I actually laughed out loud when I read what he had done! NTA, obviously.”
“I’m glad those that wouldn’t protect you are being subjected to the same behavior they condoned. I can’t help but wonder if some of them would have approved, or even wanted, for this match to succeed.”
“Anyway, wash your hands of this and be done with those that can’t see the hypocrisy of their actions.” ~ polichomp
“NTA, If they think it’s so cute and funny, why shouldn’t they see what you see?”
“There was clearly no other way of showing them the severity of the situation, and I’m glad his siblings are making fun of him for it.”
“He probably wasn’t going to stop any other way, and he might even continue to act that way with other girls. Good on you for not staying quiet.” ~ Alabaster1223
“100% NTA. They refused to see the harassment for what it was?
“They deserved to ‘get a taste of it’.”
“And Kyle f’ked around, so he deserved to find out. Good job standing up for yourself, OP.” ~ drmel94
Everything about this is completely inappropriate.