There are some rules of basic etiquette that pretty much everyone knows to follow while being a guest in someone’s home.
Be respectful to your hosts, don’t bring up touchy subjects, offer to help when needed.
However, some hosts have different rules or expectations when entertaining, which might not be quite as obvious.
Even if we don’t exactly agree with them, it is usually wise to follow them.
Redditor LuckyPersonality6548 loved hosting dinner parties for her friends.
However, the behavior of one particular friend resulted in all of these dinner parties ending on something of a sour note for the original poster (OP).
Unfortunately, this friend continued her irritating habit, despite the OP asking her to stop on multiple occasions.
Eventually resulting in this friend being banned from all future dinner parties.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my friend that I was done inviting her to parties?”
The OP explained why one friend found themself left off the guest list at her regular dinner parties:
“I, (22, F[emale]) throw a lot of dinner parties (like a ton).”
“I LOVE to cook, so I always put food on the table and I’m a pretty good chef I’d say.”
“One of my friends comes to all of them.”
“The problem is?”
“She takes all the leftovers.”
“Every single time that there’s a scrap left, she takes it.”
“And I appreciate that she doesn’t wanna waste food.”
“That’s not the problem.”
“The problem is: I want some leftovers, too!”
“So, I told her when we were eating this time, hey, ‘don’t take the leftovers, ok?'”
“And she was like, ‘yeah, sounds good’.”
“Fast forward to the end of party.”
“She takes the god damn leftovers.”
“When I notice later that night, I text her ‘hey if you can’t stop taking the leftovers, I’m not gonna invite you anymore’.”
“She says ok.”
“Next time that she comes over for a party, I remind her when we’re eating, don’t take the leftovers.”
“She says okay.”
“When she’s about to leave, I was sitting near the table.”
“Guess what I see: SHE’S TAKING THE LEFTOVERS.”
“So I tell her that if she couldn’t listen to a boundary I set, the clear consequence that I discussed with her was that she would not be invited to any more parties.”
“She said that it wasn’t fair that she couldn’t have some, and she was only taking a bit this time.”
“I’m not sure if that’s true but I told her I didn’t want her to take any.”
“She says okay and puts them back.”
“Fast forward to next time I hosted a party.”
“She isn’t invited.”
“Apparently she found out through the grape vine (makes sense, we share quite a few friends) and she got pissed as hell, saying that she put them back and I should have invited her again.”
“I think she might be right.”
“Am I the A-hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for banning her friend from dinner parties.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s friend had no right to help herself to the leftovers without first asking the OP, as the food was hers, and since she failed to adhere to the OP’s request on multiple occasions, she deserved to suffer the consequences:
“NTA.”
“I’ve never heard of anyone taking leftovers without asking first, and then to take them after being told to stop?”
“I think she’s taking advantage of you and she’s only angry because she couldn’t mooch more food from you.”- Els-09
“NTA.”
“Do not let her manipulate you into feeling badly about not inviting her to a dinner party.”
“No means no.”
“Why do people have problems with this concept?”
“No means no.”
“No leftovers.”
“Do not take leftovers.”
“I don’t care how much, do not take leftovers.”
“Did she pay for the food you were preparing?”
“If so, she maybe should get some — but not all — of the leftovers.”
“If she did not pay for any of the groceries, she is not entitled to any of the leftovers.”
“If you want to offer some to her, that would be fine.”
“She does not get to take them.”
“Do not invite her again.”
“Do not let her manipulate you or your friends into inviting her.”- WTH_JFG
“NTA.”
“Who goes in someone else’s kitchen and takes food (probably in the fridge) without asking.”
“I would never even ask to take leftovers.”
“That’s so rude.”
“I was taught to always take something as a gift to the host like wine or an orchid, or something to share like an appetizer.”
“I was also taught that you never bring these things home.”
“You leave any leftover snacks you brought for the host.”- duckingridiculous
“NTA but I’m fascinated by this timeline.”
“Don’t take the leftovers.”
“Says okay.”
“Takes the leftovers.”
“Don’t take the leftovers or you won’t be invited anymore.”
“Says okay.”
“Takes the leftovers.”
“Don’t take the leftovers.”
“Argues: Not fair.”
“Only a bit.”
“Don’t take the leftovers.”
“Puts them back.”
“Isn’t invited.”
“I should be invited because after being told to put them back, I argued at first then I put them back.”
“She ignored your request THREE times!”
“And LIED to you twice!”
“Then argued that in some universe, this isn’t fair?”
“Does that even make sense?”
“Then pretends that somehow only taking a bit is the same as not taking any at all?”
“After the FOURTH time you told her not to take leftovers, she put them back.”
“How can you possibly trust her not to put you through this rigmarole again?”
“You would definitely have to stand guard over the leftovers.”
“You know how I know?”
“She was pissed.”
“Not ashamed.”
“Not apologetic.”
“Not, ‘Well, she told me 4 times’.”
“Not calling you and saying she’s sorry and she’s finally learned her lesson.”
“No.”
“She thinks that it’s A-okay to take leftovers unless you a) catch her in the act, b) win the ensuing argument, and c) after all that, she puts them back.”
“That means she thinks it’s A-okay to do it all over again next time.”
“It’s up to you if you want to give her another chance.”
“It doesn’t sound like fun.”- NoPoet3982
“I assume she is not contributing to the meal, whether financially or by bringing ingredients.”
“If that’s the case, then she is horribly entitled and is just using you for free food.”
“NTA.”- badpandacat
“NTA.”
“You set a clear boundary twice and she still tried to test it ….putting the leftovers back after getting caught don’t erase the fact that she tried it again.”
“Actions got consequences.”
“She played herself.”- Younggod9
“NTA.”
“I’d reconsider this ‘friendship’.”- unearthed_jade
“NTA.”
“Your friend is a seagull in human clothes, who ignores your boundaries and is clearly mooching free food from you.”- chilli_enema_detox
“NTA.”
“It’s your party and your food.”
“If you don’t want her taking the leftovers, she should respect that.”
“Not inviting her more for ignoring your request is perfectly legit!”- Calm-Kaleidoscope204
“NTA.”
“You warned her fairly and let’s just say she’s the leftover now.”- Either-Box6711
“‘It’s not like I actually robbed the bank’.”
“‘The guards stopped me before I was able to take anything, so you should just let me go’.”
“NTA.”- nervelli
“NTA.”
“You set a clear boundary multiple times and she ignored it multiple times.”
“It’s not abt the leftovers.”
“It’s about respect.”
“The fact that she only put them back after you caught her proves she wasn’t planning to listen.”
“You gave her fair warning and she faced the consequences.”
“If she really valued ur friendship or ur cooking she would’ve respected your rule.”- LushhDaisy
“NTA.”
“I don’t understand where her entitlement come from to think she can take leftovers from a dinner party that she contributed noting to financially.”
“I would of never invited past the first incident.”- theogbutcher
“NTA.”
“Please paint the picture.”
“Do you cook in your own dishes and she takes the entire dish?”
“Or you cook in single use trays and she just takes the whole a** tray?”
“What does everyone else think of her taking the food?”- cyanidelemonade
“NTA.”
“But how exactly did she do that?”
“Are you putting all the leftovers in to-go containers, and she just takes them all with her?”
“She would be taking all your containers home with her.”
“Did she return them?”
“How does someone get away with taking an armload of someone else’s food and storage containers/dishes out the door, with no one saying anything?”
“Why on earth would you think you should invite her again after she grossly disrespected your hospitality multiple times?”
“As reddit loves to say, she FAFO.”- StyraxCarillon
On the one hand, the OP should be flattered that she has a friend who enjoys her food so much.
However, seeing as the OP paid for and cooked everything she served, the polite thing to do would be to ask permission to bring some home, not help herself.
Something the OP will hopefully realize now that she doesn’t have any more guaranteed free meals.