So often a person is dealing with their own health issues, or with a close friend of family member’s.
Redditor Lazy_Cheesecake4424 had a health scare a few years back requiring a biopsy. The procedure left a scar and it’s taken the Original Poster (OP) awhile not to be self-conscious about it.
The OP recently had a beach day with friends. A friend of a friend was there and asked the OP to cover up her biopsy scar.
The OP, while understanding the reasoning behind the question, decidedly declined the request.
However, the friend group is now telling her she was the a**hole.
The OP sought out subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to cover my scar and wearing a bikini as it triggered my friend?”
She went on to explain the full situation:
“I [24-year-old female] had a cancer scare a few years back and had a biopsy done on my upper leg. The scar has faded now, but it is still fairly noticeable and about 7cm long.”
“Thankfully, it was only a scare and nothing came of it.”
“For a while I was insecure about it and stopped wearing skirts or tight leggings where you could see the outline of the scar…”
“…but now that I’m accepted it’s going to be there, I started to wear whatever and realised nobody cares about it apart from the odd question.”
“We went to the beach yesterday as a friend group and I wore a bikini. I was excited to get a tan and my friend Anna brought her other friend Dana [25-year-old female].”
“I have met her before but don’t know her very well, however I do know she started a fundraiser for her mom who is fighting cancer right now.”
“Dana’s family situation is quite difficult as her dad passed away recently and her mom has stage 4 and Dana is juggling a lot.”
“I came earlier than Anna and Dana so I was already in my bikini when they joined us and Dana was nice to me and asked about my new job.”
“Then Anna went to say hi to the others and Dana mentioned my scar and recognised it was a biopsy.”
“She asked if I could wear a beach cover up and it was triggering to her and insensitive of me as I know her mum is going through it right now.”
“I said no I’m here to get a tan and the cover-up will ruin that Dana didn’t say anything but didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day.”
“Today Anna texted me telling me Dana told her what happened, and while she agrees Dana’s comment was weird…”
“…I should have given her a free pass as she is not in the best place mentally right now. I said it was really weird and no I wouldn’t.”
“I genuinely don’t think I am in the wrong and think she’s being really weird about the situation. Obviously if I am in the wrong I will apologise.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA at all. While I feel for her and what she’s going through, it is absolutely not ok to ask someone to put a coverup on due to a scar.”
“If someone has a trigger, it is their responsibility to handle it, not everyone else’s to change for them.”
“You’re at the beach; it is completely acceptable that you wear your bikini. And good for you for not letting your scar deter you from what you want to do!” – patters1079
“NTA at all”
“It’s ridiculous that she expected you to cover up like that. Her triggers are her responsibility to manage, not have others accommodate to her.”
“If the scar is too much for her, she can remove herself from the situation.” – BulbasaurRanch
“NTA. Her triggers are hers to manage, your body your choice and also you should feel comfortable and wear what you like.”
“She may not be in the best place mentally right now so I do hope she will realize that what she did is immature, not sure what to think of your other friend though” –Â Due_Battle_5150
“NTA whatsoever. Expecting someone else to adjust their appearance because she feels ‘triggered’ is not how the world works. She needs to toughen up.”
“Sure she’s going through some sh*t, but who isn’t? It’s not a free pass. If anything, she should feel more sympathetic to your scarring.” – notforcommentinohgoo
“NTA – you had a cancer scare and that’s why you have a scar, her asking you to cover up is weird and like she’s saying only her family matters when it comes to the effects of cancer.”
“Would she ask someone going through cancer treatment to cover up? If someone is bald, does she ask them to hide it because it’s ‘triggering’?”
“She doesn’t get a free pass just because her life is tough right now.” – CanadianCutiexox
“NTA.”
“Your friend Dana is full of crap to be triggered over a scar. She must live a really sheltered life or is just looking to start drama to make herself feel better.” – [deleted]
“NTA.”
“People with triggers are responsible for protecting themselves from those triggers. You bear exactly ZERO responsibility for shielding them.”
“Don’t like squirrels? Stay outta the woods. The forest doesn’t have to close.”
“Don’t like dogs? Don’t go to dog parks, and the park doesn’t have to close.”
“Don’t like cancer scars? Don’t go to a place where people wear revealing swimwear. But no one at the beach is beholden AT ALL for catering to you.”
“So again, if you have triggers, that means YOU have a responsibility to avoid them. The world at large does not acquire any new responsibilities.” – FakinFunk
“NTA”
“I’ve had open heart surgery as a baby and as you can guess I’ve got the scars to prove it.”
“One of the first times I wore a bikini a middle aged lady came up to me and yelled at me for not covering up my horrible? scar.”
“Luckily my twin sister yelled back at her to mind her own business, while I just stood there completely taken aback. .”
“I’m sure you are with me that that lady was out of line, right?”
“Well. What Dana did was a polite version of what that lady did. Being polite does not make it right.” – life1sart
“NTA. You weren’t shoving your scar in her face. She didn’t have to be looking at it. It was unreasonable for her to ask you to cover it up.” – FuzzyMom2005
“NTA. It’s possible she was misplacing her sadness and fear about her mom and taking it out on you.”
“Sometimes it’s easier to be angry at someone than to deal with the actual root cause of your feelings” – likedyoumore
“NTA, assuming you were polite when you refused, you DID give her a pass. Her request was pretty far outside what’s considered polite/ acceptable” – sady_eyed_lady
“Nta in any way. Dana needs to figure out how to deal with life. She has no right telling you what to wear so she doesn’t get ‘triggered’.”
“That’s her responsibility to learn to deal with it. And it’s a scar. Lots of people have them!” – Creighton2023
“NTA I’m a cancer survivor & she can F right off. People have scars for all sorts of reasons & she won’t know the cause of most of them.”
“Will they be triggering too? I suspect the real cause is that you looked awesome in your bikini & she was insecure about herself.” – tktam
“NTA, Her triggers are for her to deal with not you, you don’t have to change to please those around you.”
“Not to mention the whole reason for the scar, which was the investigation to determine whether or not you had skin cancer.” – ashyjay
“NTA This whole ‘triggering’ thing is nonsense. If Dana doesn’t like seeing your scar she can look away, or go somewhere else. It’s a free country.” – Performance_Lanky
“NTA.”
“I’m currently an old, out-of-shape guy. If you need someone to keep her away from you while you tan, let me know.”
“I’ll see if I can get a life-size cut out of me in a mankini to have next to you. She won’t be triggered by your scar anymore…🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣” – HMS_Slartibartfast
“She’s not the only one that has life issues. We all do. You can’t help your scar and shouldn’t be made to feel self-conscious or that you are triggering someone by something you can’t help.”
“I’m sure bringing up your scar to you was triggering of the time you went through with it too, but you didn’t complain.”
“Glad your biopsy was nothing sinister!” – Chlobear87
Our triggers are our responsibility.
What would you have done in this situation? Let us know in the comments below.