Friendships are ever-changing relationships.
Even though you might meet someone who you think will be your best friend for the rest of your life, the passage of time might end up causing some unexpected distance.
Some friendships are so strong that no matter how much time is spent apart, it seems as if no time has passed at all when reuniting.
Other times, however, you might one day find yourself questioning why you were ever friends with someone in the first place.
Redditor SufficientFly5044 had recently reconnected with a friend from her high school days.
This resulted in the original poster (OP) inviting this friend to her bachelorette party.
Unfortunately, over the course of the party, the OP began to feel her bond with this friend grow weaker and weaker.
Resulting in rescinding another invitation.
Having some doubts about her decision, the OP took to the subreddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for uninviting someone from my wedding after she just spent $2k on my bachelorette?”
The OP explained how her high school friend became persona non grata at her wedding:
“I had my bachelorette party last month—an international trip with 13 girls.”
“Most live in City 1, where I grew up but no longer reside.”
“I now live in City 2, a short flight or 6-hour drive away.”
“One of the girls, ‘Rachel’,” was a high school friend I reconnected with two years ago after getting engaged.”
“She recently started dating someone new—he’s in City 2 (my city), and she spent the entire trip FaceTiming him.”
“At events, the club, the beach, the yacht, while getting ready, even in the shower.”
“Worse, she dragged other girls into her calls, even though they barely knew her, let alone him.”
“She also FaceTimed while people were changing or while she herself was fully nude.”
“At one point, she got into an argument with her boyfriend and handed the phone to her roommate, Jamie—who had never met him—forcing her into the fight. Jamie, fed up, hung up and later asked to switch rooms.”
“When she wasn’t FaceTiming, she was talking about him nonstop.”
“At dinner, she kept blurting out, ‘I’m moving to City 2, we’re gonna be neighbors!'”
“But when I asked about her kids, she vaguely said she’d fly or drive home every weekend.”
“This is a mom of 2, with 2 different dads, moving for a boyfriend of 1 month.”
“One night, during a private chef dinner, the power went out, and Rachel’s phone died.”
“Everyone withheld their portable chargers.”
“She then booked a hotel on someone else’s phone, packed her bags, and left to charge her phone.”
“Mandy, being too nice, walked with her.”
“On the way, Rachel suddenly desperately needed to call her kids—which was hilarious since she hadn’t mentioned them once.”
“Unfortunately, the power came back, so Rachel did too.”
“Later, while we were playing bachelorette games, she blurted out racial slurs during Mad Libs.”
“I snapped, and the room went silent.”
“We had a shared photo album for group pics, Rachel uploaded hundreds of selfies, thirst traps, FaceTime screenshots, texts about how her boyfriend was ‘the one’, and even mirror selfies from a store where she was trying on clothes without underwear.”
“One dress had a slit, and her hooha was showing.”
“My fiancé was getting updates from some of the girls.”
“He even asked Jamie to talk to Rachel, and he himself sent her messages about being more self-aware and to stop FaceTiming this guy.”
“Nothing changed.”
“After the trip, I sent Rachel a message thanking her for coming but making it clear her behavior was completely unacceptable.”
“I also told her she was no longer invited to my wedding.”
“She read it and never responded.”
“Some friends think I was harsh since she spent time and money to celebrate me.”
“To be clear, I’m not cutting her off because I didn’t feel like the center of attention, LOL.”
“This is about how deeply uncomfortable she made everyone.”
“Since I got back, I’ve heard even more crazy stories that the girls kept from me because they saw how upset I was.”
“AITA for uninviting her?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for disinviting Rachel from her wedding.
While not everyone felt the OP handled things as well as they could have and felt her bachelorette party sounded overly extravagant, many agreed that Rachel’s behavior merited being disinvited from the wedding.
“NTA.”
“Except having your friends spend $2k on a bachelorette party.”- FringeAardvark
“NTA.”
“But I have a hard time being sympathetic to someone who has an international trip with 13 people for a bachelorette.”
“You don’t have 13 close friends.”
“If you wanted a meaningful occasion, you should have kept it intimate.”
“Going on vacation with a big group you aren’t close too is asking for this kind of trouble.”- Infinite_Slide_5921
“Nah, NTA.”
“Especially after the racial slurs, but chances are she would make your wedding all about her relationship, and I don’t really blame you after her behavior.”- PhilosophyCareless88
“NTA.”
“In my mid 20s went on a girls trip with a group of friends (this predates facetime cell phones etc).”
“One HS friend had been dating a guy for 2 weeks.”
“To this day I remember his name was Bill because the ENTIRE freaking trip all we heard about was Bill.”
“How she missed Bill, how she had to buy Bill a souvenir, how she wondered what Bill was doing now, blah blah blah.”
“That was annoying enough I’d have probably thrown her off the cruise ship if she’d done what your friend did.”
“No big shock 3 weeks later Bill broke up with her.”
“I refused to vacation with her for 20 yrs.”
“For her 50th birthday, we invited her on another girls’ trip, hoping with time, maturity would come.”
“Nope, all she talked about was her idiot husband, called him, FaceTimed him, talked about him, etc.”
“Goes home and finds out he’s been cheating on her and literally invited his GF over to dinner with their kids while she was gone.”
“Maybe I’ll try again when she turns 70.”
“Some people never learn and you can’t teach them, all you can do is distance yourself.”- twinmom2298
“NTA.”
“Girl, this is insanity.”
“I would have made her cut that sh*t out from day 1.”
“I hope your wedding is incredible and that you find your peace and don’t look back!”- LindaTonta00
“NTA.”
“That kind of behaviour is just so annoying and self-centered.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that during YOUR bachelorette.”
“I would’ve done the same thing, tbh.”
“Ignore all the hate and be confident with your decision.”- Phblastoise104
“NTA.”
“Yikes.”
“You made the right choice, she was causing way too much stress and there’s a high chance she would have ruined your wedding anyway.”- teriwella
“NTA.”
“Just because someone spends money on your bachelorette doesn’t mean they can behave badly.”- Jaded-Permission-324
“NTA.”
“She was dropping racial slurs during mad libs, face-timing her man while others were changing, wanting her roommate she doesn’t know to fight with her man for her, and posting a picture of her cooter in a shared picture album, in what world would you be the AH for not wanting to deal with that anymore?”
“She also didn’t spend money to ‘celebrate you’.”
“She seems to have spent that money to get pictures and video for her own posts to flex to her new man.”
“She then read your message and didn’t respond, so I’m guessing she doesn’t actually care about going to your wedding either, so I would just move on and forward.”
“I also feel like I’m taking crazy pills reading some of these comments.”
“It’s okay to have 13 people you consider good friends, just like it’s okay to only have three people you’d consider good friends.”
“No one is wrong for either, but it’s weird to be judged for having that many friends.”
“It’s also weird to think anyone was required to have spent $2000.”
“Most people are cool if you say ‘thanks for the invite but I can’t afford that’.”
“But if people are willing to spend that, admittedly ridiculous, amount of money, there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I personally would never, but if I was invited on a trip like this I would just assume we’re in different tax brackets and wish you well on the trip from my own couch.”
“lol.”- exactoctopus
A few, however, had some trouble sympathizing with the OP for not confronting Rachel herself during the bachelorette party even if they agreed that Rachel deserved to be disinvited from the wedding.
“Honestly, you should have shut it down there, not afterward.”
“And I would’ve made things clear that she needed to act differently at the wedding instead of kicking her out.”
“She also seems to be in a really desperate mental state and probably needs some support.”
“ESH.”- monagr
It did seem like Rachel caused more than a bit of unnecessary drama at the OP’s bachelorette party.
However, there was no way this drama could come to an end unless the OP told her so.
The OP certainly deserves a drama-free wedding, but there is a chance she could have still had one with Rachel there had they had a conversation.