There are so many precise elements that go into planning an event.
And when it’s a special event, like a wedding, birthday, or baby shower, there is the extra stress of striving for a perfect time.
When it comes to surprises though, one of the things people don’t want to worry about is the guest list.
A guest list has certain numbers for a reason.
Case in point…
Redditor babyshoweraita23 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for asking my friend’s boyfriend to leave my baby shower?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ll call my friend Lucy, and call her boyfriend Joe.”
“I’ve never met Joe, but he and Lucy have been together a year or so.”
“Lucy is the type who is never single.”
“She is also beyond obsessed with her men and makes them her personality – if her boyfriend is into hunting, she likes hunting.”
“If they’re into the gym, she’s into the gym. Etc.”
“Lucy is never without Joe (she goes with him to the barber shop, etc).”
“Yesterday I had my baby shower.”
“Lucy arrived in tow… with Joe.”
“My baby shower was at an event center, and we received RSVPs.”
“We told the staff we had X people coming, and now it was X+1.”
“Joe was also the only guy in attendance, and I’ve never met him.”
“I took Lucy aside and told her, ‘I’m happy to have you here, but the invite was only for you.'”
“Lucy said, ‘We’re leaving then’ and stormed off.”
“I got texts from her last night saying I should understand they are a package deal, and it wasn’t a big deal that he came.”
“She said she brought him because she ‘didn’t want to be lonely,’ and if I was a true friend, I’d understand.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – If she doesn’t want to attend events without her B[oy]F[riend] then she should RSVP no to events he is not invited to.” ~ Forward_Squirrel8879
“NTA. Lucy and Joe are weird.”
“And any relationship that doesn’t have boundaries or personal space is (at best) cringe.”
“If not toxic.” ~ Impossetgf
“Also, the jab at OP (and possibly other mutual friends) when she said she doesn’t want to be lonely.”
“As if OP isn’t fun company.”
“Why are you friends if you don’t think the other isn’t fun to hang out with?” ~ EatThisSh*t
“Not to defend Lucy, she was definitely the AH here.”
“But it was OP’s baby shower, so she’s going to be busy playing hostess and chatting with everyone at the shower.”
“Which I assume would be friends, family, and possibly some co-workers.”
“In other words, people that Lucy may not know.”
“I don’t think that was a jab at OP, necessarily.”
“When I’ve gone to baby showers in the past, I have just sort of assumed that the mom-to-be won’t exactly have time to sit and entertain me.”
“Now, that doesn’t mean that I’ve just brought a surprise plus one.”
“I’m an adult and I find it fairly easy to sit quietly in a room full of people I don’t know and ooooh and aaaaah over baby sh*t for a few hours, then go home.”
“Lucy needs to put on her big girl pants, it sounds like.” ~ BelkiraHoTep
“This yes… I went to a shower where I knew no one. I sat quietly while they hosted gifts.”
“I was excited that they didn’t play those baby games everyone talks about.”
“Either way, would I have liked someone I knew, yeah… BUUUTTT I still came alone.”
“OP is not the AH.” ~ yogilove2017
“Same here! I bring my gifts, maybe chat with grandparents-to-be and mom-to-be but don’t monopolize their time.”
“Put down a guess for when the baby will actually arrive on the game sheet.”
“I have some snacks, cake, and punch and then go home.”
“Doing this alone is called being an adult and being there for a friend even if you know no one else at the party.” ~ Accomplished-Dog3715
“NTA-Traditionally baby showers are a women’s only event. I’ve been to one where the father-to-be and grandfather-to-be were there.”
“The only men that are at baby showers are immediate family members, if any.”
“Otherwise if the host is married and it’s at their house, the husband will get food or a beer out of the fridge and retreat.”
“I’ve asked my boyfriend too, just out of politeness but not in sincerity, and the answer is always the same as the one you got.”
“Lucy needs therapy for her codependency addiction.” ~ catsnglitter86
“NTA, the princess got a reality check.”
“She’ll get another one in 6 months when she’s single and looking for the next person and personality to assimilate into becoming.” ~ Cannabis-aficionado
“NTA. He wasn’t invited.”
“And he was the only guy there.”
“Traditionally, only women are invited.”
“So unless your invitation specified ‘Lucy and Joe’ or ‘Lucy and Guest’ then it’s on them for making a false assumption that he’d be welcome.”
“You’re there to celebrate your pregnancy and your wee one with those you love and that love you.”
“You don’t know this guy from Adam, so he wasn’t there for the purpose of showing you love and support.”
“He was there because they’re ridiculously attached at the hip.”
“NTA. Lucy and Joe are weird.”
“And any relationship that doesn’t have boundaries or personal space is (at best) cringe.”
“If not toxic.” ~ No-Actuary-9388
“NTA. It is peak rudeness to bring someone to an event when they haven’t been invited.”
“Even if she would’ve been ‘lonely,’ your shower wasn’t about her!”
“Lucy sounds codependent and obnoxious.” ~ twelvedayslate
“God, reminds me of my ex-boyfriend.”
“He adopted his first girlfriend’s personality during their relationship then just kept it.”
“If she hated a food, he had to hate it too.”
“If she liked a band, then they were his favorite band.”
“Basically everything she did was perfect; therefore, that was what he had to do and think also.”
“Come to think of it, I wonder if he didn’t actually choose his college major because that’s what she was studying.”
“It was exhausting, it was like being in a relationship with him and his ex-girlfriend (and also his freaking mom) and whatever they said was correct and should be followed religiously.” ~ scarletnightingale
“I used to be just like this woman, and it makes me cringe.”
“I invited myself on my ex’s outings, I invited him to my outings.”
“We were together 4 years and only spent maybe 3 full days away from each other.”
“We worked together, lived together pretty instantly.”
“He went on a work trip, and I cried because I was going to be alone.”
“I realized it was a problem after we broke up (you’d think those actions would be the reason for the break-up but nope).”
“I have grown with age, so I don’t do stuff like this anymore.”
“I think his girlfriend is the same way I used to be but won’t even let him have female friends.” ~ zephyrlilly
“NTA! How entitled do you have to be to bring someone to an RSVP event without invitation, without asking!”
“Not to mention that baby showers are traditionally all women/girls only so they can talk about stuff like breastfeeding and how to deal with postpartum issues without feeling uncomfortable.”
“Adding male guests just changes the entire mood and the type of event it is!”
“Even if she was genuinely uncertain if her BF is included in the invitation, Lucy should have asked rather than assumed!”
“Good for you for standing up for yourself.” ~ Bubble_Wyvern
“NTA. Lucy should have declined the invitation.”
“I’ve been married quite some time so I presume most people see my husband and myself as a ‘package deal’ but if the invite is to me for a girl’s event it’s just me that shows up.”
“I would resume that the father of your baby wasn’t there nor were the husbands of other attendees.”
“I agree with the poster above that responding invites are for the invited and if she wants to add someone she reaches out ahead of time or declines.”
“Her actions were rude.” ~ Abcdezyx54321
“Lucy sounds like a very insecure young woman who needs help to find her center.”
“But this was your baby shower and her ability to spend a few hours away from her BF should not be your problem or your baggage.”
“Having a baby on the way is quite enough to deal with.”
“NTA, but I hope you encourage your friend to get help.” ~ Right_Bee_9809
“This is my mother, in a nutshell.”
“She’s on her third marriage.”
“This incantation involves her completely transforming from a very liberal, progressive, tolerant, atheist to a religious whack job, who’s anti-choice, ‘obeys’ her latest doofus of a husband, and is the antithesis of the person who raised me.”
“If he kicks the bucket, she’ll transform again to suit whoever she ends up with.”
“Chameleon with no personality.”
“NTA, but don’t expect better from Lucy. It won’t change.” ~ Shabbah8
“NTA. Lucy sounds entitled.”
“I think she could’ve at least asked you in advance if it would be okay if her BF tagged along.”
“I had a friend pull a similar stunt on me once. Needless to say, we aren’t friends anymore.” ~ rc3wondereftw
“NTA. Sounds like you could replace Lucy with an Etchasketch.”
“Get a guy to tweak the knobs until he gets his desired result, a bit of a shake-up and pass to the next guy.” ~ Livid-Flan
Well, OP, Reddit seems to be on your side.
Your party, your rules.
It’s rude to bring surprise guests to a party.
Focus on yourself and your baby.
Good luck.