Redditor greenapple543 is a 24-year-old White mother of two biracial children who experienced some drama with a friend who is a hairdresser.
When the Original Poster (OP) was called out for her negative reaction to the situation, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my friend that I don’t want her to style my daughter’s black hair because she does it wrong?”
The OP wrote:
“My daughter (1 year and 2 months old) is mixed, I’m white and my husband (31 Male) is black, but her hair has the same texture as her dad’s, and being honest that was a challenge for me because I had no idea how much work it takes to take care of her hair.”
“But I learned, and I’m still learning, and one of the things I learned is that her hair cannot be styled by just anyone. The only people who style her hair are my husband, my mom and dad (they also had to learn) myself, and no one else.”
“Well, a few weeks ago I gave birth to my second child and since then my friend (25 Female she’s also white) comes every day to help me with some things (she does it because she wants to, I never told her to do it)”
“she’s been insisting for days that she wants to style my daughter’s hair, and I said no because I was feeling good and I could do it, but I said that because I know she does it wrong, she tried to do it a few times but to be honest she sucks and my daughter hated it.”
“The other day this friend was ‘playing’ with my daughter downstairs while I bathed my other daughter, and I could hear that she was screaming, and usually she doesn’t cry or scream because she’s really calm, so I knew something was wrong.”
“I quickly dressed my daughter and went downstairs to see what was going on and when I got to the living room I saw that she was trying to style her hair, and of course she was hating it because she was doing it wrong.”
“She wasn’t just screaming but she was crying because she was hurting her, so I lost it and I told her to stop, she said it’s normal for toddlers to get mad when you touch their hair, that she knows because that happens all the time at her job (she’s a hair stylist).”
“So I told her that I know how kids act when someone touches their hair but that anyway I don’t want her to try to style her hair again because she sucks, and that she only hurts her when she tries to do it.”
“She said that I was being rude because that’s her job and I decided to end the conversation right there because I didn’t want things to escalate to another level, but later she texted me saying that she never wanted to hurt my daughter and that all she wanted was to help me, and that I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”
“And thinking about it I don’t know how to feel, am I the a**hole?
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole for her reaction to the situation.
“NTA. You told her no (multiple times) and she went behind your back and upset/hurt your child (and had the audacity to call you rude afterwards). Any verbal outburst is justified.”
“She’s also not very good at her job if she can’t accept that different hair types need different treatment. If she wanted to practice, she should have done it on a willing adult.” – bobthebobcattt
“NTA.”
“A) ‘she’s been insisting for days that she wants to style my daughter’s hair, and I said no.'”
“B) Black hair cannot be treated like white hair. Different products are needed, and the hair does not recat the same to styling.
“C) “she said it’s normal for toddlers to get mad when you touch their hair.”
“That means you’re doing it wrong, credentials be damned.”
“You’re a good mom, OP. Your friend has no respect for the boundaries of children, poc, or parents.” – lexkixass
“I wish I had a mom like OP. I am also mixed and I’m actually going through the issues my mother gave me with my hair in therapy right now.”
“She didn’t give a sh*t if she hurt me and would very much lose her patients and tell me she hated my hair and even get abusive or neglect it for months.”
“I am actually getting twists tomorrow as part of my plan to reclaim my hair and the culture behind it and seeing a post of a white mom caring about how her mixed daughters hair is treated right before that is actually really heartwarming.” – BasicChick314
“NTA. Being a stylist does not mean that she automatically knows how to handle curly hair let alone curls like your daughter’s which I assume are 3B or tighter.”
“A lot of schools only teach students how to handle straight hair vs that with any texture.”
“I’m white w curly hair (albeit not nearly as curly as what I assume your daughter has) and I have to be extremely careful on who I allow to touch my hair.”
“There are also stories all over of Black models and actors having issues with the stylists not knowing how to handle their hair. One of the actresses from High School Musical said not too long ago that was why her character wore headbands.” – Knittingfairy09113
“NTA. That’s your child and she’s a human being, not a doll for your friend to play with. It’s honestly WORSE that your friend is a hairdresser, because part of being a professional anything is recognizing what falls outside of your area of expertise.”
“She either can’t do kids’ hair or can’t do Black hair or can’t do both, but regardless of what the issue is she should have listened to the child’s MOTHER and kept her grabby hands to herself.” – MollyRolls
When asked why the woman was insistent on doing the daughter’s hair, the OP said:
“I dont know she always told me that she likes her hair because of its texture, and because she never met a white skinned person with that type of hair, my daughter has white skin and blonde hair, so she was always curious like many people who don’t understand how genetics works.”
“I honestly don’t think she insisted on doing her hair for some racist reason if that’s what you mean, I think she’s just really ignorant.”
Overall, Redditors agreed the OP’s reaction towards the friend was warranted.