Redditor and long-time vegan fakeenamee was recently taken aback when they saw how their friend repaid their generosity.
The Original Poster (OP) recently offered to pay for their friend’s entire birthday dinner – friends included.
However, the OP is now rethinking their decision after the birthday boy chose a restaurant that actively mocks egetarians and vegans despite knowing they’ve been a vegan for years.
The potential guilt drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
They asked:
“WIBTA if I rescinded my offer to pay for a friend’s birthday dinner after they picked somewhere I can’t eat?”
They went on to explain:
“My friend Luke is turning 40, and I offered to pay for him and a group of our friends to have dinner anywhere Luke wanted.”
“Luke knows I’ve been vegan since my 20s, and it’s never been an issue before.”
“When I asked where he made reservations he said a local BBQ place that is famous here for having a menu that mocks people who don’t eat meat…”
“…like literally has a section that says ‘Vegetarian options: don’t let the door hit you on your way out’.”
“I asked what he expected me to eat, and he got huffy and said well it’s his birthday so it shouldn’t matter…”
“…I should eat before getting there and just order drinks while everyone else eats dinner and still enjoy everyone’s company etc.”
“This sounds miserable to me. I had zero expectations of Luke picking somewhere vegan friendly, hell I expected him to pick a steak house and I would’ve been fine with a salad and some sides…”
“…I didn’t expect him to choose somewhere that prides themselves on meat being in every single dish on the menu.”
“I want to tell him never mind, and buy him a traditional birthday gift instead, but feel like a massive a**hole for taking back my offer. I don’t know what to do tbh 🤷🏻♀️”
“This is a group of 9, so I’m also feeling miffed about spending $300+ on a meal I can’t eat.”
“The exact text I sent said this- ‘hey hey, I wanna take you and the friend fam out to dinner for your birthday, make a reservation somewhere and let me know'”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA”
“I get that you offered and said he could pick anywhere he wanted. This is extremely generous of you. So generous, in fact, that you should have at least been considered when picking the venue.”
“Even on people’s birthdays, my friend group makes sure to pick restaurants that cater to everyone’s dietary restrictions and allergies. That’s what you do when you care about your friends.”
“The choice he made feels very intentional on his part, and not in a good way. Honestly it seems he thought it would be funny to humiliate you.”
“He’s using the fact that it’s his birthday to get away with it. Luke doesn’t sound like a great friend.”
“How you handle this is up to you.”
“I personally would tell him that choosing the one restaurant that intentionally excludes people like you is very telling and you will not be participating.” – HeadOfHarlots
“Make a joke out of it by saying something like, ‘C’mon man, you know I’m vegan. Quit f*cking with me and pick a place where I can eat as well, or you’re on your own!'” – tonyrains80
“NTA”
“‘Taking the piss’ is what your supposed friend is doing.”
“You’re bending over backward to be nice, and he is bending you further and being a complete jerk about it. Are you sure this person is a friend? Is this person a friend worth keeping?”
“I would take a good look at this supposed friendship and consider finding some better ones, ones that will have appreciation and consideration for you.” – howardcoombs
“Clear NTA”
“Lot of people saying that ‘Gifts don’t have strings attached’ to which I would say they sure can, you made that up. Plenty of gifts have implicit or explicit conditions.”
“Further, you didn’t offer to just give him a few hundred bucks for dinner; you offered to buy dinner for a group of which you are a member.”
“So if you can’t participate in the dinner, then it isn’t a dinner for the group and does not meet the qualifications of your offer.” – Old-Smokey-42069
“‘Vegetarian options: don’t let the door hit you on your way out'”
“Your ‘friend’ doesn’t seem to value your friendship. He knows you are Vegan, and chose the Anti-Vegan establishment.”
“I wouldn’t pay for his dinner. NTA” – KronkLaSworda
“NTA.”
“‘I should eat before getting there and just order drinks while everyone else eats dinner'”
“This doesn’t sound like a friend.” – diminishingpatience
“NTA. You offered to take him to dinner. That implies that you also eat at the dinner.”
“He is being completely unreasonable and I absolutely would not put up with it.”
“If you were feeling *very* generous you could give him a second crack at finding somewhere that he will like and still pay for the dinner…”
“…but given his behaviour and expectations, I personally would cut him off at this point.” – wanderleywagon5678
“INFO: Since Vegans are basically NOT WELCOME in this specific restaurant (‘Vegetarian options: don’t let the door hit you on your way out’), you can tell him that he’s basically refusing your gift.”
“No problem, they can enjoy their meal there, and you can go spend YOUR money elsewhere.”
“Anyway, whatever you do, he DELIBERATELY chose this restaurant, telling you to eat before and just have a drink…”
“…while you’re waiting for them to enjoy and finish their meals so you can pay their bill…”
“That’s f*cked up in such a LOW way…..”
“NTA” – DoIwantToKnow6417
“YTA to yourself for putting up with this garbage.”
“‘I expected him to pick a steakhouse so I’d pay $300+ for everybody to eat while I’m stuck with salad’ was already a ridiculously low bar that he somehow managed to beat.”
“Nevermind refusing to pay for dinner, respect yourself stop hanging out with people who don’t respect you.”
“Most restaurants have vegan options these days (actual main meals, not sides), and many cuisines are naturally pretty vegan friendly by default, so there is no reason for this imo.” – Elivercury
“NTA. But seriously, are you sure this is a friend? I can’t imagine a friend taking such generosity and then pretty much spitting in your face.”
“It’s not like you only have a couple options, he went out of his way to pick a place where you’ll be openly mocked.”
“Do you think a place that is openly hostile on their menu won’t give you sh*t if you just order a drink? He’s taking advantage and being a dick. That’s not a friend.” – JustALizzyLife
“So, this is NOT a friend. With friends likes this, who needs enemies.”
“I know it will be uncomfortable to retract, but it is honestly the only thing to do and keep your self respect, in your own eyes, in his eyes, and in the eyes of the other friends.”
“He is basically saying f*ck you.”
“So, just send another text. ‘Sorry, dude. I won’t be able to make it to your birthday dinner, and I won’t be paying for it either.'”
“You could add: ‘Gotta say, we have different ideas about being considerate friends.'”
“Or not. Pretty sure he knows already.” – Alternative-Click720
“NTA. You said you wanted to take him somewhere for dinner with your friend group. That means you want to be included.”
“He chose a place that you cannot eat, making him a huge AH after you were very generous. It sounds like your ‘friend’ does not value your friendship and may even be using you for money.”
“How often do you end up paying for things for them? How often do they return the favor?” – Rohkea1
“Nta”
“He’s literally telling you to f*ck off by choosing that place and expecting you not to eat, watch them eat and still pay.”
“That’s not a friend.” – cultqueennn
“NTA. Why should you subsidize everyone else’s meal (besides bday boy) while you watch them eat?? Your friend sucks and is a huge a-hole.”
“Do not pay for the dinner. Get him a gift card to the restaurant that is enough to buy him a meal! xD” – Bake_and_Shark
“Tell him NO. Tell him sorry, he misunderstood your intent and you have no intention of being his ATM at a place you can’t eat at and won’t join in on the fun”
“But tell him in advance so everyone isn’t shocked” – Dlraetz1
“INFO: Why do you have such low standards for yourself? Every person here is telling you this is not your friend.”
“He doesn’t even want you at the dinner, just your wallet. They specifically chose this place to mock you.”
“Have some self-respect. There is a reason these losers are ‘struggling,’ and it sounds like they resent you for doing well.”
“You are ‘rubbing it in’ so they are treating you with disdain as an outsider to the group. Crab bucket friends.”
“You have outgrown these people. Accept it. Choose better people to uplift your life, not drag you down.”
“‘Hey, Luke. Sorry but I’m not going to be able to make the dinner. Obviously, my wallet won’t either, but I am confident the rest of your friends will make your birthday dinner fun.'”
“‘Sorry it didn’t work out. Happy BD, and have a great year.'” – Avlonnic2
Hey OP’s “friend,” don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
Would you have a bone to pick with this restaurant choice, too? Let us know in the comments.