The wedding industry is not-so-secretly expensive, even for bridesmaids, so it’s no wonder that people participating will cut corners to save money where they can.
But a person should not borrow someone else’s dress or tux and alter it without getting permission first, cautioned the side-eyeing members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Popular-Statement731 understood the expenses and was happy to share a bridesmaid’s dress she had with one of her friends.
But when her friend had it altered to her size without checking in first, the Original Poster (OP) was angry and charged her for the changes.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting because I charged my friend 90 dollars after she altered the dress that I lent her?”
The OP was happy to help her friend prepare to be a bridesmaid.
“I (24 Female) have a friend (23 Female) who came to me a month ago asking to borrow a blue bridesmaid dress.”
“I was a bridesmaid for a wedding with a blue theme not too long ago, so I lent her the dress I used.”
“She WAS a really good friend, so I didn’t really mind helping her out.”
“After I handed her the dress, she texted me, thanking me, and I have not really heard from her since.”
But the arrangement turned out to be not as simple as borrowing a dress.
“Anyway, the wedding happened, and a week later, she came to return the dress she borrowed.”
“When she came over, I asked her how the wedding went and whether or not the dress was comfortable.”
“That’s when she admitted that she had it altered to fit her better since she was ‘smaller than me’ and that she liked to wear the dress more snugly.”
The OP felt very divided over what her friend had done.
“I was shocked. Gagged. Confused. I don’t know how to feel about it.”
“She didn’t even ask my permission to have it altered.”
“Also, isn’t it common etiquette to return borrowed things in the same condition, or better, than how you received them? Also, she could have just asked?”
The OP’s friend tried to meet the OP in the middle.
“We had a conversation about how I didn’t really appreciate what she did.”
“She apologized and flat-out said I can still have it readjusted if I wanted to wear it again, and that she was willing to pay for it.”
“I told her I wasn’t sure it would work since she basically shrunk my dress.”
“Then she suggested I sell the dress, so I asked her to buy it since she took it upon herself to have it altered without my permission.”
“She asked how much, and when I told her it was $90, she straight-up told me it was too much and that she wasn’t willing to pay that much for a dress that had been used.”
“I feel like it is a reasonable price, as I bought it for almost $120. Also, it is a cute dress that I intended on wearing again.”
“AIO for doing what I did? Is my reaction valid?”
The OP also wondered if there was any way to return her dress to its former glory.
“I’m also hoping there are dress experts or dressmakers here.”
“Is there a possibility of restoring the dress to its original size?”
“The dress is made of satin, and she made it snug around the bust and waist area.”
The OP shared an image of her dusty blue, satin “Asher” dress from Kenny Blue.
“Again, AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some couldn’t believe that the friend went so far as to alter the dress, especially without asking.
“NOR. My grandma used to say, ‘borrowed is related to gifted,’ and learned the hard way that it’s true.”
“I honestly can’t believe the audacity of altering the dress. A true friend would have told you, ‘Hey OP, thank you, but it’s a little big for me,’ instead of basically making sure you’ll never be able to wear it again.”
“If you have the ‘receipt’ (or anything that shows the price), I would send it to her, demand at least the 90 dollars you told her, and stop considering her a friend.” – New-Jellyfish6737
“NOR!! The cajones to tell her she doesn’t want to pay $90 for a used dressed? She’s the one who used it and then ruined it for the OP! Oh my god.”
“And… and! I’m not done! $90 is stupid cheap for a dress alteration to make it ‘big’ again, if that were an offering that existed.”
“She can’t be that naive or so blasé that she didn’t even hear the seamstress mention it won’t be able to be put back again.” – YesterdaySimilar2069
“She needed to return it as she borrowed it or replace it.”
“That’s what happens with a hotel room, an Airbnb, a rented car, etc. You bring it back pristine, or you pay. What planet does this ‘friend’ usually reside on?”
“NOR.” – Ok-Cardiologist8651
“NOR. This is shameful behaviour. How extremely rude and entitled! She actually ruined the dress for you, so it is no longer wearable.”
“I think 90 dollars is fair, because she did alter the dress and thus ruin it. Now you’re actually out 120 dollars!”
“This is such a violation of trust that I would be unable to continue the friendship, regardless of how close we’d seemed previously. A friend would have either not altered the dress or would have asked and only altered the dress with permission.”
“She actually owes you the cost of the dress, the $120! Because she ruined your own dress. Tell her she owes you $120 and stand firm, and consider the friendship over.”
“She greatly used and disrespected you.” – KittyFace11
“NOR. She was way out of line. No one would think that’s a reasonable thing to do without asking. She decided to go the beg forgiveness route and did something that can’t be undone.”
“Even if they didn’t cut away the extra fabric when they took it in, there are now needle holes unless the person doing the altering using techniques used in theater, where the seams are made to not leave marks so costumes can be reused.”
“Assuming you even want to keep this friendship, given that you’ve been lied to here, in my opinion, I suggest no more loaning of clothes.” – Either_Management813
Others tried to help with the restoring of the dress, though the outlook wasn’t great.
“Seamstress here.”
“Being able to restore the dress to your size will depend on how the dress was altered to begin with. If the tailor was able to preserve the extra fabric, then it may just be a question of redoing the seams. But if the excess was trimmed away after altering (common), then there’s not much hope without some creative solutions like inset panels or shortening the skirt and using the fabric from that.”
“If your friend is still talking to you, ask where she took the dress and take it to the same person. Otherwise, a bridal store with an on-site tailor may be your best bet.”
“Ironically, the cost to restore the dress will probably be around $90.” – stolenfires
“Satin fabric can be very difficult to work with. Even if the alterations were done to be temporary, there is a very good chance those temporary seam lines will still show in the fabric, with little needle holes or other damage.”
“OP is definitely NOR.” – tbgsmom
“There’s no way there’s not going to be stitch marks with that particular fabric, especially since it’s such a simple style. Stage clothes are made from heartier fabrics that can take multiple alterations. It’s a shame, as it actually is a rather pretty dress.” – BufferingJuffy
“Satin is very unforgiving. It has to be handled like a premature baby. The needle marks, thread marks, pin marks, and pressing marks would be on full display once the dress is put back into its original configuration.”
“Poor OP is short a dress and a friend. If only the friend had asked first instead of assuming first.” – Rat-Batdance
“NOR for sure. If you can’t wear this dress again, she has to pay. There’s really no other way to spin it. She ruined something she borrowed, and if you break it (especially on purpose), you buy it.”
“As for re-altering the dress, it seems possible under certain conditions. Look on the inside of the dress if possible (between the lining and the outer fabric) to see if the tailor left the extra fabric as a seam allowance.”
“If there’s still a lot of excess fabric, it can probably be altered back into its original shape. If there isn’t, the tailor cuts the excess fabric off, and there’s not a huge amount that can be done unless your tailor has a really, really good fabric match. I wish you the best of luck!” – doooodleoo
The subReddit was appalled on the OP’s behalf that her friend had done this to her dress without at least asking first. If the friend realized that the dress wouldn’t fit in its current state, there were likely other arrangements that could have been made so both women could enjoy the dress without ruining it.