Friends might want what is best for you, but they have off ways of showing it.
At the end of the day, friendship is about looking out for each other and respecting people’s boundaries.
Redditor MaroonOstrich encountered this very issue with her friend. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for getting mad at my friend for deleting my Reddit account?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me (19F) and my friend (20F) have been friends since pre-school. However, this situation may have just torn us apart completely.”
“My friend isn’t a huge fan of Reddit. She thinks Reddit is just a second 4Chan and is filled with dangerous people. She won’t even click a Reddit link in fear of it giving her a virus.”
“I’ve always thought this was irrational, but I always held my tongue and just enjoyed the website on my own.”
“A few months ago however, I started talking to a few people on this website, making some new friends and all that. She was highly against this, and told me that they just wanted to hurt me.”
But, it seemed like a double standard.
“I sort of laughed at this, trying to explain that we’ve been texting, talking, and face timing each other for months now. I even pointed out that she met her out of state boyfriend on Insta.”
“I guess that really pissed her off because she started dry texting after that, and wouldn’t pick up the phone when I called her.”
“Yesterday, me and her decided to meet up and crochet together. Mind you, I know her phone password, and she knows mine. We’ve never run into trouble with this until now.”
“She excuses herself and heads to the bathroom. I’m none the wiser as she takes my phone off the nearby table as she leaves, as I was too absorbed in my project.”
“She’s in there for about ten to fifteen minutes before I start to get worried.”
“I reach for my phone go text her, and I see it’s missing. I assumed I put it down somewhere and just lost it.”
OP started to get worried.
“As I’m walking down the hallway to the bathroom, she opens the door, steps out, and gives me my phone, all smiles. I’m a bit weirded out, but shake it off and we get back to crocheting.”
“Later that night, after she leaves, I take my phone and go to open Reddit. I see that the apps missing, so I quickly re-download it.”
“That’s when I learned that my account had been deactivated. All my posts, comments, karma, just gone. I’m beyond pissed, and I call my friend.”
“At this point, I know she did something.”
“We get into it on the phone. She keeps saying that it was for my own good and I’m better off without it. I’m telling about how she breached my privacy and she is clueless when it comes to the internet.”
“I’ll admit, I did lose my temper at her. She says I’m overreacting over a stupid website and that I need to ‘touch grass.’ She then hangs up on me.”
OP is not sure who is in the wrong.
“Now that I’ve had some time to cool down, I’m starting to think I may have overreacted a tad.”
“I just created a new account, but I’m still sad all my posts and comments are gone. Maybe I was a bit too addicted to this app.”
“I’m just not sure what to think anymore. AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA why would your friend think they can control what you do, not to mention it wasn’t even for your own good, it was ridiculous.” ~ SonnyMac75
“Many people on here don’t live in reality where their decisions absolutely can ruin one or many lives.”
“Many here don’t understand second and third order effects of decisions.”
“I would definitely put a lock on my phone or change the lock from bio (fingerprint/retinal) to a pin or swipe pattern and probably de-friend her over it but law enforcement is over the top in my book.” ~ freedomboogers89
“I’d disagree with you if OP’s friend surreptitiously got the password and thereby compromised the account – that’s a crime on it’s own and a serious one.”
“But OP gave the phone password to their friend, and therefore OP has some responsibility for what happened. For the same reason you can’t call your car stolen when you give someone the keys.”
“NTA OP — but don’t give your friends your phone password. That’s absolutely a bonehead move, as you have discovered.” ~ Mantisfactory
It was a breach of OP’s privacy.
“NTA she breached your privacy AND your trust, she went behind your back and did something you absolutely would not have wanted her to do AND she doubled down and patronized you for caring about opinions you’ve voiced on a website.”
“What an a**hole.” ~ petalsinsnow
“NTA. Distance yourself. This is controlling and toxic behavior. What gives her the right to dictate your internet activities let alone invade your privacy? Holy wow this is just so rude and horrible.”
“Please don’t go back to a friendship with someone like this. Longevity isn’t a good reason for her not listening to why you’re upset and brushing it off. That’s not an equal friendship of mutual understanding and respect.” ~ JschexxyOG
“Yeah, your personal accounts on your devices are none of her fucking business, OP.”
“However, I honestly get the feeling that this was more about jealousy that you’re talking to other friends. It jives more with the controlling behavior.”
“NTA. Burn this bridge and stand like the Viking at Stamford bridge making sure nothing gets thru.” ~ Noirceuil_182
“Assuming your friend uses other forms of social media, how would she like it if you got on her phone and deleted her Instagram account behind her back? Months or years of posts and social interactions gone because of a few pushes of a button. Find a new friend.” ~ saltybuns69
It’s a matter of respect.