Privilege.
Who has it?
Who wants it?
It seems to cause quite the divide in relationships.
Some take it for granted and never see their luck.
And others see it and don’t particularly care for it.
So what do to with it?
Case in point…
Redditor Wise-Bobcat-75 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my friend that her success is built on handouts and she doesn’t get to make comments on other people?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 32) have a ‘friend’ who we’ll call Ellie (F 32).”
“I’ve known Ellie since we were around 7, and our mothers are good friends.”
“Ellie has had a very, very privileged life.”
“Her dad is a lawyer and her mom is a dentist, so as you can imagine.”
“Ellie had a lot more luxuries and opportunities than your average person.”
“She grew up going to private schools, having private tutors, going on fancy vacations every year, etc.”
“I won’t go into too much detail but I definitely didn’t have a life that was anything like Ellie’s.”
“Ellie never had to get a job until she went into residency in medical school when she was 26.”
“When we finished high school at 18, Ellie initially went to business school for 2 years before dropping out, then pursuing medical school.”
“Her parents paid all of her tuition and all of her living expenses so Ellie never struggled financially and never had to worry about money.”
“Plus her mother got Ellie volunteering opportunities so she could get references on her medical school applications.”
“Ellie is now a qualified pediatrician.”
“I’m glad she was able to find a career path she enjoys and I’m proud of her for finishing school.”
“I know medical school is no walk in the park, I myself am a veterinarian.”
“A few weeks ago, we went to a town event and we bumped into some of my old friends from high school.”
“We chatted for a few minutes and one of them proudly mentioned she finished nursing school.”
“When we went to my house after the event, Ellie made a very rude comment about my old friend, saying that ‘I bet she was just too dumb to go to medical school’ and went on about how great she is.”
“I told Ellie that what she said was rude and uncalled for.”
“Ellie said it was the truth.”
“I snapped and told Ellie ‘you only became a doctor by getting handouts, you don’t get to make comments about other people.'”
“Ellie started yelling at me and telling me that I’m a jerk for undermining her hard work and that she still had to work for where she is now.”
“I told her that I know she still had to work hard, but most people don’t have parents who can pay all their tuition and living expenses, and she had it easier.”
“Ellie called me a jerk again and said I’m ignorant, and that she still had to work hard.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA Ellie is a hypocrite.”
“Ellie started yelling at me and telling me that I’m a jerk for undermining her hard work and that she still had to work for where she is now.”
“And yet Ellie said…”
“Saying that ‘I bet she was just too dumb to go to medical school’ and went on about how great she is.”
“So if she worked hard and got to where she is now, why didn’t your other friend get the same good job for finishing nursing school.”
“Ellie is literally looking down on a profession that is needed for medical facilities to work.”
“She makes doctors look bad.”
“Edit to add many well say ESH because of your rude firing back but missed the part where you first told her she didn’t have to be rude.” ~ AsuraRathalos
“I tend to agree with you.”
“She didn’t undermine her hard work, in fact she agreed she had to work hard, but not everyone can afford medical school, nor are they inclined to.”
“A privileged life allowed her to get into med school, which is a difficult feat in and of itself, one made MUCH easier through money, AND her father’s connections. NTA.” ~ GodsGiftToNothing
“I am a dental hygienist, but I always so badly wanted and dreamed of going to dental school.”
“Got my university degree in sciences after graduating hygiene, built a stellar portfolio so I could apply and everything… the whole 9 yards.”
“However the cost of dental school and the stress that it would’ve put on me is what held me back.”
“Even after being accepted, the reality that the cost just for tuition was 250K+ for 4 years terrified me.”
“I’m not sure if I would’ve even gotten the loan, because I never even tried.”
“The stress that I could potentially fail out at any point.”
“And be left with hundreds of thousands in debt without the job to support paying it back shook me so hard that I basically ‘*itched’ out, in my opinion.”
“Reality sucks, and if my family was rich I’m sure I wouldn’t have had these worries.”
“I regret not pushing myself beyond my fears and going for it, but it just seemed so infeasible in my life then and even now.”
“Sorry for the rant, 100% NTA, I understand where you are coming from, and have so much respect for you for becoming a veterinarian.” ~ borntobemybaby
“I wanna start by saying that she is absolutely NTA, her friend sounds awful.”
“Nurses are absolutely vital to the healthcare team and making sure everything is running smoothly.”
“They’re the ones who’re at the bedside the entire time and know what’s going on at any given moment with the patient.”
“I do wanna say, I think most doctors are just as compassionate as any P[atient]’s A[ssistant] or N[urse] P[ractitioner].”
“The difference is in the patient load which means they have way less time to actually spend at the bedside with you, compared to the PA or NP that assists them.”
“Good doctors hate insurance companies and don’t want you getting unnecessary procedures at all, just like good PAs and NPs.”
“It’s a difference in role, and that’s why you’ll see the nursing staff or PAs or NPs around more.”
“I’m so sorry that you’ve had a shi**y experience with the doctors you’ve seen, and I hope that the next doctor you see (if/when you see one) will be more empathetic and available for you.” ~ jaskiwhere
“Nurses KNOW when you look down on them, and treat you accordingly.”
“They can absolutely make your life difficult if they don’t like you, and I’ll bet they don’t like Ellie.”
“She’s making her job harder by being a *ick.”
“Also, lots of nurses are nurses because medical school is really expensive.”
“And doesn’t leave a lot of opportunity for part-time work etc, which can be very difficult if you’re supporting yourself.”
“Doesn’t mean they’re any less intelligent than anyone else. NTA.” ~ Latvian_Goatherd
“Your friend probably has little hope of seeing how privileged she is.”
“Few people who lead lives of privilege see the privilege they’ve had their whole lives.”
“In fact, they feel like they are being discriminated against if they experience things that other people experience every day.”
“Also, I’m sure that she had to work very hard to make it through medical school and most of her peers were people who had those same privileges.”
“It’s part of the problem… medical schools don’t really select for empathy and compassion.”
“When you only select people who have never had an opportunity to fail and have to pick themselves up again or not be the top at something.”
“That’s what you end up with.” ~ super_bluecat
“NTA. There are plenty of people who are intelligent enough for medical school but can only dream of becoming doctors due to classist barriers in place.”
“A lot of medical schools have rules against students having jobs during their studies.”
“Ellie sounds naive and sheltered.”
“Her comment was extremely rude and unnecessary.”
“Nurses are literally essential for medical establishments to function.”
“If she keeps this attitude up at work, she’s not going to have many friends.”
“Unfortunately, when it comes to higher education, intelligence and hard work frequently aren’t enough so her comment isn’t even true.” ~ GreenRedCrescent
“ESH. Ellie for obvious reasons, the comment was rude and the world will set her straight pretty quick with that attitude.”
“But I get the sense OP has invested too much energy in assessing Ellie’s ‘privilege’ and comparing it to herself and others.”
“That’s a silly way to go through life.”
“Ellie shouldn’t be faulted that her parents worked hard to provide for her and she still made the effort to develop her own career path in a difficult field.”
“Saying she got there on handouts is no different than the comment Ellie originally made.”
“Two wrongs don’t make a right.” ~ AlarmedRate2003
“NTA .I worked 35 to 40 hours a week when I was in college.”
“I would have done so much better if I didn’t have to work but that’s not how life works.”
“Sounds like she shouldn’t be working around children.” ~ Slowburner_
Well OP, Reddit understands your frustration with Ellie.
Nurses are just as important as doctors.
Why is this struggle of belief still an issue?
Ellie is still going to Ellie.
You do you.