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Groom Outraged After Frugal And Friendless Fiancée Insists He Can’t Have Nine Groomsmen

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Redditor daniellegaines is currently planning her wedding, but recently she and her fiancé came to a bump in the road.

The Original Poster (OP) has a hard time making friends, and she also values her frugality so she had thought she wouldn’t have a bridal party.

However the OP’s fiancé has been planning on having nine groomsmen.

The uneven bridal parties incited an argument between the two, ultimately driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

She asked:

“AITAH for not letting my husband have groomsmen at our wedding?”

She went on to explain.

“My fiancé [29-year-old Male] and I [27-year-old Female] are getting married in about a year, after almost 8 years together.”

“All of the wedding planning has gone great so far, until a couple of weeks ago. We are both fairly frugal, so we planned to cut excess wedding expenses as much as possible.”

“About two weeks ago, my fiancé came downstairs after talking on the phone with his older sister and told me ‘how excited she was to be a bridesmaid.’”

“I hadn’t asked her to be my bridesmaid, and I’m not planning on having any bridesmaids/MOH, so I assumed they were referring to another friend of hers or something.”

“Slowly, I realized that she had been talking about our wedding. I quickly corrected my fiancé, explaining that she wasn’t going to be my bridesmaid, since I wasn’t having any.”

“He got upset (which is out of character) and said I was being silly.”

“He told me that it would be weird for me to not have any bridesmaids, mean to his sister to be left out of our ceremony, and unfair because he was planning on having nine groomsmen…”

“…(the first I heard of this). I countered with my reasoning, explaining that I am trying to save money by not having bridesmaids and more importantly, I don’t have enough friends to be bridesmaids.”

“The only people I could think of would be my sister and his, and having two bridesmaids that were from our families would make me look sad.”

“We took a break on the argument for the rest of the evening, but it came back up the next morning. He argued that it’s his sister, and if he wants her in the wedding she should be in it.”

“I agreed, and said she could be part of his wedding party if he wanted. I don’t have any brothers, so it’s not like my sibling is one of his groomsmen.”

“He then continued to point out that it would be weird for him to have groomsmen when I don’t have anyone on my side of the aisle.”

“He said that to not make it look weird, he has to give up his groomsmen.”

“I was diagnosed with a form of high-functioning autism as a child, so I’ve never been the best at picking up on social cues and whenever I’ve started to make friends, they never stick around.”

“I also lived by myself in college and never joined sororities/clubs, I don’t have contact with anyone I knew from high school, I’m not close with my colleagues (who are much older than me)…”

“…and my free time is spent volunteering at the dog shelter, going to the gym, or working on my online masters.”

“He knows my lack of friends is something I’m self conscious/sad about, so I don’t know why he’s trying to make it such a big deal about it for our wedding.”

“I spoke with my sister who agrees with me and gets where I’m coming from, and I know his sister would understand too.”

“I don’t feel like I’m stopping him from having groomsmen if he wants, but he keeps saying that I am…”

“…and I either need to hire professional bridesmaids (which I can’t afford) or get over myself and finally go make friends.”


Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided: 


“You’d already discussed this. You don’t want any bridesmaids. That should be end of story.”

“It also wouldn’t be sad if it was just your sister and SIL as your attendants. That’s actually quite common.”

“Why does he want 9. And yes his sister can be on his side.”

“He’s trying to railroad you into doing what he and possibly his family want. You might need to have a closer look at your relationship and whether you are happy with what’s happening.”

“At my wedding we each had one attendant. I had my stepsister, my husband had his mate. They were also our witnesses. It didn’t look weird. I didn’t need a lot of attendants.” – KitchenDismal9258

“I think if this is the battle you pick at this stage, you need to re-examine your future.”

“While seemingly important, the argument has no value in real life and yet you two don’t seem to be able to negotiate.”

“What will happen when you’ll have more serious decisions to make? Children? Big purchases? Changing careers?”

“i tend to say NTA but be mindful of what this situations implies for your future together.”

“Good luck” – Artistic_Thought7309

“Using family for bridesmaids doesn’t make you look sad or friendless, it makes it look like your family relationships are important to you. You’re overthinking that one a bit.”

“My husband and his brother were each other’s best man, and I don’t think either had more groomsmen”

“(Obviously I know my husband didn’t, but my BIL married before my husband and I met).”

“It does look odd when one side of the wedding party is much larger than the other. Slightly uneven is pretty normal, though.”

“My wedding party was uneven (1 best man, 2 bridesmaids, and a ring bearer), so we just had them all come in from the sides instead of walking down the center aisle”

“that way, nobody was paired off, so nobody was singled out. Can you compromise, with you having your sister and SIL and him choosing his 2-4 closest friends?”

“NAH, but coming up with compromises that work for everyone is an important relationship skill.” – KaliTheBlaze

“ESH. It doesn’t seem like either of you are compromising at all. There are a lot of numbers in between 0 and 9.”

“It isn’t weird at all to have family in the wedding party. And if you are worried about the optics, then it’s gonna look way weirder if he has 9 and you have none.”

“Ask both sisters and maybe try to find one more, if not then cap his at 3-4 and it won’t look too odd.”

“I’d also take a look at your future and what you want it to look like.”

“If you are ok with a small number or no friends, are you going to be ok with him keeping up what seems to be a very active social life?” – Kingalthor

“NTA but basically he is right. He can’t have groomsmen because it will highlight the fact that you have no friends if you choose not to have any bridesmaids at all.”

“So meet him in the middle and have his sister and your sister, and then he can at least have a couple groomsmen” – FutureSelection


“Unless if Im reading it wrong you are both sitting the extreme points of the pole and not wanting to meet at the middle less even discussing it.”

“Him – It has to be 9”

“OP – It has to be 0”

“Be adults and talk about a compromise of sorts but I don’t understand the saving cost by not having bridesmaid/groomsman (maybe because we are used to different customs)”

“Is there something additional you would have to pay for on top of vs them just being there as a guest?”

“Because you would pay for the ‘seat’ regardless of the capacity they are there for, so is it like you have to pay for thier matching suit/dress or something?”

“Maybe the compromise would be if they are willing to pay for whatever this extra cost is?” – warclonex

“NAH but there is a gap in your expectations versus his expectations that you need to address.”

“You said you are self conscious about not having many friends (and that your autism means you aren’t great with social stuff), but also that you don’t want any bridesmaids.”

“I would like to focus on that.”

“1 he clearly wants groomsmen, and it’s important to him, so it’s worth thinking about how you can compromise to make you both happy.”

“Nine groomsmen is… a lot. Maybe there’s a smaller number you could agree on?”

“2 you can have bridesmaids and groomsmen without it being too expensive.”

“Traditionally they would pay for their clothes, and if you’re flexible about their options they can pick something they like and will wear again.”

“Look online for alternatives to expensive bouquets (a friend of mine had hers carry a fan that matched the bride’s dress, really pretty!)”

“3 most people have just family for their wedding party, and 1-3 bridesmaids would be more typical than nine (that is a LOT! like a LOT!)”

“so if you just had sisters as your bridesmaids that would be completely normal and nobody would think that it was strange, or that you didn’t have friends.”

“(And if they do they are an AH and not your friends!)”

“4 if you wanted to build a closer friendship with someone, asking them to be your bridesmaids would be a great way to do it.”

“If you asked his sister and your sister, that’s telling them you value them and want them to be there with you at a really important moment.”

“5 there’s no rule that says you can’t have groomsmaids and bridesmen, or that you must have the same number of attendants.”

“The only people who matter here are you and your fiance. If you figure out an option that makes you both happy, don’t worry what anyone else thinks!” – Fennicular

Who said the bridal parties had to be even?

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)