We can all agree that some people use the internet and hiding behind a screen as an opportunity to be rude.
Unfortunately, that is also proving true for Zoom calls.
While on a call with their child’s soccer team and families, a man and his husband received homophobic, sneering comments from the mother of one of the other players.
The man explained the whole situation started over the planning of a birthday party.
Redditor registertovote333 wrote into the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, wondering if he overreacted to the woman’s comments.
The Original Poster (OP) asked the sub:
“AITA for uninviting a 6-year-old child to my child’s birthday party because of her mother?”
The OP had prior issues with the mother.
“My husband (45[male]) and I (36[male]) have a daughter (6[female]). She plays soccer and this story is about a girl on her team’s mother.”
“My daughter and her daughter are friends, but her mother has always acted rude towards me. For example, last year I was putting my daughter’s hair up before practice, and she walked up to us and asked my daughter if she [wanted] a lady to do her hair.”
“Others have told me that she’s homophobic (no sh*t), but as long as it didn’t affect me or my daughter, I didn’t waste two thoughts about it.”
“My daughter is having an outdoor birthday party on Halloween with a homemade haunted house, pumpkin carving and a costume contest. Her friend had already RSVP’d.”
A recent Zoom call exacerbated their negative relationship.
“A few days ago, the soccer league had a parents Zoom call. Only four parents showed up and I was the only man/husband on the call.”
“First of all, the mother in question kept referring to everyone as ‘ladies’, which I let go.”
“Then I suggested that maybe we start providing healthier snacks to fuel the kids before practice, since for the past few weeks they’ve been getting donuts and soda. I am personally vegan but my daughter and husband are not, nor did I mention any vegan snacks.”
“However, the mother flipped out at me. We got into an argument, and while I was arguing for the health benefits of including fruits and veggies in young diets, she made it into a personality attack.”
“During our argument, she called me a soyboy, fa**ot, and told me that my family [was] a horrible influence on the team.”
The OP was furious over these remarks and established new boundaries for his family.
“Angry to holy hell is an understatement, but I keep my outer cool.”
“I told her that she was the horrible influence and that I wouldn’t subject her or her child to my influence, so they were not coming to my daughter’s party or future events.”
The other parents on the call and the soccer league were supportive of the OP.
“The other parents on the call have reached out with sympathy and supported my handling of the situation.”
“I reached out to the soccer league, but since it’s publicly funded, there needs to be a slow inquiry in order to remove anyone. She’s been asked to stay away from practice until it’s complete.”
The OP’s husband had his doubts about the OP’s reaction, however.
“However, when I told my husband about what happened, he told me that I shouldn’t have banned her daughter from the party. He said that the 6 year old did nothing wrong and banning her would make her more likely to believe her mom’s homophobia.”
“I’m not saying he’s wrong, but this once I didn’t want my life to be someone else’s learning experience. It would be different if the daughter was older, but she’s 6 and if anything went wrong at the party we’d be liable for the daughter.”
Now the OP is second-guessing himself.
“If my daughter asks about why her friend isn’t there, I plan on telling her that the friend did nothing wrong, but her mom was very mean to me because I’m a dad and in love with her other dad, and we don’t tolerate that kind of hate in this house.”
“I’m not looking to be the bigger person in this situation (my husband is an angel), but I’m wondering if I’m an outright a**hole.”
Fellow Redditors passed judgment using the following scale:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
A few could not believe what little it took for the mother to go off on the OP.
“And all this kicked off over healthier snacks. We only had the option of water and orange slices at all my sports events as a kid.”
“That woman was slavering for any opportunity to attack OP. I wouldn’t have her near my house or my child either. It’s just not fair on the little girls, but that’s not OP’s fault.” – lurkylurkeroo
“Yeah the kids are exercising why are you giving them donuts and soda??? Although they aren’t exercising to lose weight or be healthy specifically and more for fun at that age think about the message you’re sending.”
“Giving them some fruit as a follow up snack has to teach better eating habits and is so much more nourishing. I bet it helps them recover physically a lot better than all that sugar.” – Troublecleff04
Some were concerned about what would happen legally and emotionally at the party if the mom and daughter were still invited.
“I will go NTA because the daughter is too young, and if something happens at the party, you would be attacked by the crazy mom..” – kuvasney
“Nope, NTA — and I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
“It’s unfortunate that the child has to be punished for her mother’s actions but there’s nothing wrong with you wanting to distance yourself from her mother entirely when she’s been openly homophobic and you won’t be able to maintain that distance if you’re watching her kid.”
“Moreover, the paranoid lawyer in me is inclined to think that if there’s an active investigation going on with regard to her treatment of you, then it doesn’t serve your position to have ‘friendly’ interactions going on at all.” – sunnys1deups1dedown
“On the legal side, I wouldn’t put it past the mother to lie about something that happened [or] didn’t happen at OP’s house.” – hungrydruid
Other Redditors were still bummed out this was impacting the girls’ relationship, though.
“NTA. While the six year old didn’t do anything wrong, six year old children can’t attend a party without being driven to it by their a**hole homophobic parents. You did what you felt comfortable with.” – NUTmeSHELL
“NTA. Unfortunately sh*tty parents will disrupt their child’s friend groups, sports opportunities and school life. Sadly for this poor kid it won’t be the first or last time her mom’s a**holishness affects her life.”
“It sucks, but in no way should that woman be anywhere near your family and that means her kid can’t be around either.”
“Sh*t, my best friend’s husband got shoved around in a golf course bathroom a few weeks ago over kid’s baseball. He cut this guy’s kid from a travel team and the dad was holding a grudge and decided to try and fight him. Over U9 baseball.” – queenoreo
“Definitely NTA. Unfortunately, your daughter has to learn sooner or later that people will hate her daddies because they’re her 2 daddies.”
“Because of that, these people will tell their kids to stay away from you and your daughter. It’s unfortunate, but that’s the world we live in.” – wtfiwon
Who knows where people get the idea that they’re justified to say such hurtful things, online or anywhere else.
With the advice from his fellow Redditors, we hope the OP will be at peace with his reaction and will know what to do if something like this ever comes up again.