Given the fact that weddings exist as a pure celebration of the love between two people and their future life spent together, there is a strange amount of pressure to invite people that don’t even want to be there.
One Redditor encountered that dynamic recently. He preemptively posted on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit to hear some feedback that would hopefully clear his head.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Babygibbon on the site, identified the key character right in the title.
“WIBTA if I don’t invite my Aunt to my wedding even if it upsets my family?”
OP first situated his aunt in the broader context.
“I’m (26-year-old male) getting married to my partner (24-year-old male) next year.”
“I have a very large family whom I’m incredibly close to so I would like to invite them all expect for the one member I’m not close to, my eldest Aunt.”
Then he moved into specifics.
“Since I was a child, she has treated me differently, she got on very well with my siblings father and disliked the fact my mother left him for my father and I feel she has resented me for it since.”
“She has always favored my elder siblings over me, as an adult it doesn’t bother me, but as child being the only one not to get presents on birthdays or get taken on holiday was obviously quite upsetting.”
Then came a key development.
“Things got worse when I came out as gay.”
“My Aunt portrays herself as incredibly ‘liberal’ but when I came out gay she told my mum that it wasn’t normal and that something was wrong with me probably caused by my mothers parenting and my dad being largely absent.”
Things only built up from there.
“My mum was furious at this and eventually my aunt gave my mum (but not me) a half apology claiming she was drunk at the time and didn’t mean it.”
“Since then my aunt has always acted rude towards me.”
“As she lived with my grandad I saw her quite a lot when I went to see him as he was ill and while she was never openly hostile she was often very rude towards me and especially towards my boyfriends, making comments about getting STIs, comments about looking like a girl etc…”
“…things got worse when she called my soon to be husband a spineless worm, and accused him of being a danger to children (she literally gave no reason as to why) to his face for no apparent reason, after that I cut off all contact with her and have only seen once since at my grandad’s funeral.”
Some in the family, though, have the luxury of looking past those antics.
“Now my other aunt and siblings are still quite close to my aunt. They have brushed off her behavior as acceptable because she’s from a different time.”
“They have already told me it would be rude if I didn’t invite her as she’s ‘family’ and to not invite only her is unfair as I would be singling her out and as someone who is LGBT I should know better (I don’t fully understand what they even mean by that) and they have said they might not come if I don’t invite her.”
But OP wasn’t quite sold.
“I love my family a lot but I can’t stand the thought of that horrible woman coming to our special day and if it upsets them then I see it as them just showing they don’t care about my happiness or am I just being an a**hole?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors told OP he wouldn’t be the a**hole.
For a whole lot of them, it was clear as day.
“NTA. This woman has been treating you like absolute garbage for years. Why on earth would you want her on your special day???”
“Congratulations and I hope your wedding is lovely.” — Lola_M1224
“NTA. Your wedding needs no toxicity and from what you’ve written, your aunt is a toxic bigot. Kick her to the curb and the family with it if they keep supporting her.”
“‘Being from a different time’ is a cop out for ‘we honestly don’t care she’s a bigot because confronting her is out of our comfort zone.'” — Dexopedia
“NTA. She’s not from a different time unless your aunt is somehow in her 70s+. Doesn’t excuse it either way. The people saying you should know better because you’re gay really need to sod off.”
“That’s a gross and staggeringly ignorant thing to say to you. It’s worrying that they’re so desperate to carry water for a homophobe. It’s almost like… they’re homophobes.”
“Your aunt isn’t family to you, you cut her off for very good reasons, you chose that she’s no longer your family well before the wedding.”
“It’s bad that your other aunt and siblings can’t see that and their rhetoric is pretty shocking. If they’re threatening not to come, then hey, less homophobes at your wedding.” — Mr_Ham_Man80
A couple people offered up relevant experiences of their own.
“NTA I didn’t invite 2 of my aunts – they didn’t do half of what your aunt has done to you but they are both far too dramatic and I couldn’t be bothered with it on my wedding day. 2 years later, I haven’t spoken to them and honestly – best decision of my life.”
“My wedding was chilled, calm and lots of fun. My mother (who spent many months trying to convince me to invite them) later admitted she was happy I didn’t invite them..”
“It’s your and your partners day – do what you want, I guarantee you will be happier for it.” — Excellent_Impress672
“NTA. Your wedding, your day.”
“My wife’s birth mother and stepfather were not invited to ours because they act a damn fool when they drink and they have a proven track record of saying they won’t drink, and then doing the opposite.”
“A few people were mad but none were mad enough to not attend, and we all had a great, drama-free time.” — anonymousaspossable
Here’s hoping OP and his future partner have a magical day devoid of any and all bigotry.