Just because it’s 2022, and there are pride parades everywhere, doesn’t mean humans are not still grappling with homophobia.
In fact there is still so much of it, that’s why there are pride parades everywhere.
There is still a long way to go to acceptance.
And the journey starts at home.
Case in point…
Redditor ThrowawayMoving_out wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA For moving out when my dad told me to?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (23 M[ale]) have always been a disappointment to my dad.”
“I think he was just barely tolerating me.”
“I didn’t enjoy sports or any ‘manly’ activities he liked.”
“I enjoyed dressing up and doing makeup with my mum and as I got older I enjoyed the more traditionally feminine activities and he hated that.”
“As soon as my brothers were born he just kind of ignored me.”
“I think the last straw for him was last month when I came out to him.”
“I have been out to my mother since I was 16.”
“But have always hidden it from my father for obvious reasons but was sick of hiding it.”
“And I just wanted to be open about it so I didn’t have to worry about keeping it a secret.”
“My mum helped me tell him but he still freaked the f**k out yelling and screaming for me to get the f**k out and live somewhere else so I packed up and left.”
“Yesterday I got a call from my dad sounding very defeated asking me to come back since they need the money.”
“I was helping pay rent and utilities and now they are having trouble with money.”
“I refused to go back and hung up.”
“My mum’s been supportive and doesn’t think I should come back with the way he’s acted and says that they will just have to figure it out.”
“But I am getting texts and calls from my grandparents and uncle and aunt calling me an a**hole because this affects my 8 year old and 15 year old brothers.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. He wasn’t supportive of his son, so he gets what’s coming to him.”
“If you want to send some money home via your mother to help with your brothers, that’d be a mitzvah, but you’re under no obligation.”
“And I know you know this, but you always deserved a dad who was supportive of you and your interests, and it sucks that you didn’t get one.”
“I’m sorry. Big love from a fellow queer.” ~ girlandagun
“The thing that kills me is that dad and family aren’t sorry for how he acted.”
“They are sorry OP isn’t dishing out money. OP, you are a person, not a bank.”
“NTA, and I hope you can surround yourself with people who care about you, like your mom.” ~ ICWhatsNUrP
“Ooh right?!”
“So if he has to come back to support the family does that actually make the son the man of the house?”
“Seems like it.”
“NTA- they’re his kids it’s his responsibility to support them.”
“This situation is entirely his fault.”
“If he wasn’t a bigoted a**hole he wouldn’t be in this situation.”
“He wants to play this card than he needs to play with the hand he’s dealt.”
“Good luck OP and good for you speaking up for yourself.” ~ acegirl1985
“OP’s dad is a narcissist.”
“OP… NTA, he doesn’t want you back he wants your money back.”
“It’s time to cut ties.”
“Why isn’t your grandparents or uncle giving your dad the money he needs then so that their younger grandkids/nephew dont ‘suffer.'”
“It’s totally wrong of the dad to do that.”
“Run far far away OP.”
“This is your chance to be OUT and away and be able to live your life.” ~ Homicidal__GoldFish
“NTA! If grandparents and aunts and uncles are so worried about your siblings I am sure the can come up with what corresponds to your rent between them.”
“Your father chose to be an a** and kick you out, it is too late to take it back now.” ~ AppealAlive2718
“NTA. Your mom said not to come back.”
“She knows him better than you do, which means she knows you’d be in danger somehow if you went home, whether mentally or physically.”
“Don’t go back there just to be destroyed and drained of your money.” ~ TheQuietType84
“NTA- that is a big enough list of people that they can give money monthly if they care that much.”
“Go live your best life and make sure you call your mum regularly to make sure she is ok! go live a good and happy life!”
“Your mother understands and block the rest of them!” ~ Trash-panda-art
“NTA wow what a disps**t of a parent.”
“‘I don’t support you but you need to come back and support me financially?'”
“No, your dad will have to figure it out, ignore the family members who are saying you need to go back- they just don’t want to bankroll him.”
“Listen to your mom and stay with her, people figure stuff out when they have to.”
“And I think it will be incredibly demoralizing for you to go back.” ~ Affectionate_Ice_658
“NTA. Your dad chose to kick you out at the expense of his own personal pride.”
“He forgot that you were helping finance things.”
“He felt the universe somehow owed him a certain type of son (it didn’t).”
“He got a dutiful son.”
“A perfectly acceptable son that he chose to neglect.”
“It’s his loss multiple times over.”
“I’m sorry you dealt with this.”
“I’m sorry your younger siblings are paying the price for his bigotry.”
“You enjoy yourself away from him.” ~ AKchic
“NTA, YOU are not responsible for your siblings.”
“You’re mom is right, they will figure it out.”
“Based on his reaction you’d be an AH to yourself if you moved back.”
“He very much would not treat you with the respect you deserve and will probably worse than he was to you before.”
“Enjoy your freedom!” ~ Gumby_Who
“Why are your aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and others not giving him money?”
“Do they not care about the kids?”
“By leaving, you have given them money!”
“You have LOWERED their utility bills.”
“Less water and power are being used.”
“Less food is being eaten.”
“There’s more space in the house!”
“They can take on a new roommate if they are in such dire need.”
“Your dad isn’t a good person.”
“I’m sorry your mom isn’t ready to leave him and take your siblings away from such a poor role model.”
“Those are not your responsibilities.”
“They may try and send you on a guilt trip, but you can just stay home.”
“Your home. Away from them. NTA.” ~ kevwelch
“NTA. When it comes to your grandparents, uncles, aunts, and all of those saying you should move back in, say this to them…”
“You can not help but be touched by their concern, so when they are going to be sending your father money for the bills.”
“After all you would hate to think that your younger siblings will end up on the street.”
“And you just paid rent and have a lease that you can not afford to break the lease.”
“Then hang up.”
“Talk to your mother.”
“Tell her that you agree and do not think it would be a good idea for you to return and that this is where the chips lay.”
“Your father cast the die and crossed the Rubicon, so there is no turning back, or returning.”
“You have no guarantee on his behavior or what all he would do, or if he would even treat you decently.”
“He kicked you out, and that makes it his problem.”
“As far as your siblings, that is not your concern.”
“You are not their parent and really should not be paying for anything for them, that is a parent’s job.”
“OP, I think you would be best to stay away for a while, not returning and going very low contact with your family, even changing your number and only contacting your mother.”
“Do not give them your home address and just let things die down where he will remember this for a very long time.”
“Though you may want to talk to your mother about how he treats his other children and to not just force your brother 15 to just go to work and take all of his pay, as that is not right at all, and is wrong.”
“I would also suggest that when you get a chance, move and get some distance from your parents and your family where not only can you not return home so readily.”
“They are not so easily able to visit you.” ~ JCWa50
“NTA. He should have thought of the money issue before he opened his mouth.” ~ BarRegular2684
Sorry for this situation OP.
Everyone deserves to be who they are without trauma.
Reddit is pretty clear where they stand.
Time for you to worry about you.
Good luck.