Everyone looks forward to their birthdays.
While the idea of being another year older becomes less and less appealing with each passing year, it’s still an excuse to celebrate yourself for one day.
No one ever gets too upset when receiving presents from friends and family.
But presents don’t necessarily need to be material items, but rather gestures that show how much you care for them.
With her finances being a bit tight, Redditor iambeckers opted to show her teenage daughter how much she loved her by treating her to a birthday dinner and cake and a bouquet of flowers.
Something her daughter did not appreciate one bit, as the original poster (OP) would later discover.
Wondering if she didn’t do enough for her daughter, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not giving my daughter a birthday present?”
The OP explained how her financial state and current living situation led her to decide not to give her daughter an extravagant present this year.
“I (37 F[emale]) have two children, 17 F and 9 M[ale].”
“My daughter recently turned 17 and I made the decision to not get her an expensive gift as I have done in the past, although she gave me a wishlist of approved gifts.”
“I am a single mother and I simply can’t afford it.”
“My daughter is also heavily pregnant and relies on me and my income for everything.”
“I threw a very lovely baby shower for her a few weeks ago, got catering for 50 people that were invited and less than half showed up despite RSVPs, and they were all my daughter’s invited friends.”
“That party cost over $1k between food, decorations, hall rental, mom-to-be dress, etc.”
“I have been her emotional and financial support throughout this pregnancy.”
“Despite her quitting her job early in the pregnancy and refusing to work.”
“She has several job offers and refused to follow through with them.”
“She has had little to no complications and opted to hang out with friends instead of work.”
“I’ve had to take off of work to take her to her appointments and I’ve been able to buy or have all of the baby’s necessities donated.”
“I also found out that she got pregnant on purpose because she thought I’d kick her out and she’d be able to live with her ‘boyfriend’.”
“This guy has done nothing for the baby.”
“Her own father is a Disney dad and always has been.”
“As her birthday rolled around a few weeks later, I knew I couldn’t afford a big gift, but I did make sure that her brother picked out something for her, I did a large bouquet of flowers, dinner, and a cake.”
“So the day after her birthday I heard her loudly complaining to her friend about how horrible her birthday was and laughed about the gift her brother picked out for her and how I didn’t get her anything but flowers.”
“I felt bad that I couldn’t do more but this past year has been financially draining.”
“I feel like I’ve been going above and beyond.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to get her daughter a lavish birthday present.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s daughter needed to learn that she can’t always rely on her mother for financial support and assistance.
Many found the daughter ungrateful for ignoring all that the OP had done for her and expressed their concerns over what kind of mother she’ll be.
“NTA.”
“Sit her down with a pen and pad and work out a budget for her living alone with her baby.”
“Include EVERYTHING!”
“All it takes to afford household.”
“And do it on what she was making.”
“Let her see how little is left over.”
“And let her know how much you spent on the party, and how much extra it was for friends who didn’t show.”
“Also, she is 17 and pregnant.”
“It’s time to stop doing for.”
“Make lists of what she needs to get done and let her do it or not.”
“If you keep doing everything, it is her excuse to do nothing.”- kulbreez97
“NTA.”
“But why didn’t you just tell her that you can’t afford anything more because you’ve been covering her for everything?”
“She’s super entitled BTW and not too young for a reality check.”- Ecstatic_Turnover_55
“NTA.”
“Not going to lie, she sounds a wee bit entitled.”
“She is in for some harsh reality when her baby arrives.”
“You will need to be firm or you’re going to end up taking care of her baby.”- GlitteringPaint899
“NTA.”
“Your daughter doesn’t sound like a very nice person if I’m being honest.”- Allocado
“NTA.”
“But your daughter sure is.”
“I’m sorry but she’s a spoiled brat.”
“Why aren’t you getting angry, instead of feeling guilty?”
“Does she deserve a big expensive birthday gift?”
“I’m mad for you.”
“And she couldn’t wait one more year to move in with her boyfriend?”
“She’s incredibly irresponsible.”
“Get tough.”
“Tell her boyfriend to pull his weight, talk to his parents, tell her to find her own way to her appointments so you don’t have to take time off.”
“She’s seventeen.”
“She’s pregnant, not disabled.”
“You’re going to burn out at the rate you’re going and your son is also going to suffer for it too.”
“You can’t and shouldn’t do everything for her.”
“It’s time she does things for herself otherwise you’re going to be dealing with three children.”- Ok-Writer-774
“NTA.”
“Birthday presents aren’t necessities.”
“If she’s having a kid, then it’s time she learn about parents having to make sacrifice.”-Mysterious_Friend_52
“NTA.”
“Tell her to go and live with the boyfriend.”- PommieGirl
“NTA.”
“It’s time to set some ground rules.”
“She needs to get a job and keep it.”
“She needs to start contributing to her expenses.”
“Stop paying for everything for her except necessities.”
“Let her go live with her bf if she doesn’t like it.”
“Or in ten years you are going to be in the same position as now except raising 3 kids instead of two.”
“Your 9 yr old doesn’t deserve to have their life upended because his sister is a financial drag on you.”
“If you don’t stop this now she will be out partying after she has the baby.”
“And we all know who will be taking care of the baby while she does.”
“You and your son.”
“Phone, car, gas money, & partying money isn’t a necessity.”- murphy2345678
“NTA.”
“For not buying her a birthday present.”
“But honestly you’re kinda the AH for how long you’ve let her continue with this entitled attitude.”
“I think when you found out she deliberately got pregnant just so you’d kick her out, that should have been the reality check for you.”
“She is immature, entitled, and reckless and honestly it doesn’t sound like she’s going to be fit to be a proper parent to this kid, and she’s not going to change her situation until you finally stop being a doormat about everything.”
“She’s going to bleed you dry of money and also expect you to take on childcare as well, so there’s no end in sight unless you lay down some strict rules and boundaries immediately unless you want to be her cash cow and her live-in nanny for the foreseeable future.”- bethanyanne171
There were a select few, however, who felt that the OP should have stopped coddling her daughter sooner, and was thus responsible for her entitled behavior.
“I’m confused by the super expensive baby shower.”
“Why would you spend so much money on that if money is so tight?”
“I’ve been to many baby showers, but they were in someone’s apartment with home-cooked food.”
“Humble and sweet, how you should have raised your daughter.”
“YTA.”
“Because you raised an entitled brat.”- mladyhawke
Upon reading the comments, the OP returned with an update, explaining why she felt the need to support her daughter through her pregnancy, but that things will change once the baby is born.
“So I’ve read through all of the comments so far.”
“And wow, I feel better about my decision on the birthday present.”
“I did want to add that I’ve told my daughter on several occasions that it is her baby and once she has the baby she is 100% responsible.”
“I will help her if and when I want to.”
“I have also reiterated that her brother is now my main responsibility, as she has decided to have her own family.”
“I was a young mother, and I know the struggle so I think that’s why I’ve been enabling her.”
“I think working out a full household budget with her is a great idea, we have discussed the cost of formula and diapers and but I don’t think she fully grasps how much kids actually cost.”
One hopes that the OP’s daughter will appreciate how lucky she was to have the support of her mother, which not many other pregnant teens would have had.
It’s bound to be a rude awakening for her once the baby is born, however, and she’ll need to be the one providing for it.
When she’ll no doubt realize that spoiling her child with expensive presents will simply not always be possible.