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Mom Livid After Teen Daughter Refers To Stepdad And Half-Siblings As Her ‘Do Over Family’

A young girl slumped over and an older woman in the background.
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Being a child that’s part of a blended family is always an adjustment.

In addition to being a significant change in routine from what you’ve been used to, it’s also difficult to adjust to your new reality.

In cases of divorce, it can always be a hard pill to swallow that your parents weren’t meant to be married, but things seem to be working out with their new partner.

In fact, they might be even happier with their new family than they were in their first one.

The mother of Redditor Gold_Ad_7011 was never a particularly present figure in her life, even after the original poster (OP)’s father died at a very young age.

With this in mind, it was difficult, to say the least, for the OP to see her mother being so present and loving to her second husband and the two children she had with him.

When the OP eventually confronted her mother about this, her mother did not take her words kindly, having some choice words of her own to say herself.

Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for describing my mom’s second marriage and her younger kids as her do over family?”

The OP explained why she finally felt the need to confront her mother about how she and her half-siblings had very different perceptions of her as a mother:

“I (17 F[emale]) lost my dad when I was 5.”

“My parents were married, but I remember dad being more present in my early memories than mom, and when my dad died, I know my mom wasn’t there for me.”

“She left me to raise myself or she roped in some extended family to take care of me, usually grandparents.”

“But she wouldn’t always do that and I was sort of forced to become independent and more mature in some ways to raise myself.”

“Like I had to make sure I ate, did homework, got to school on time all without my mom helping me.”

“The most she’d do is make some food but she wouldn’t even tell me she had.”

“I usually had to search the fridge to find it.”

“My grandparents were the ones who celebrated my birthdays with me and they were the ones who typically went to my school for parent conferences.”

“My mom doesn’t know me.”

“She couldn’t tell you what classes I take in high school, what my favorite food or color is, who my friends and best friends are, nothing.”

“Five years ago, she met her husband Sam, and pretty quickly, like before they were living together, my mom got pregnant.”

“So Sam moved in and my mom married him.”

“Her daughter was born 4 years ago, and her son followed along 2 years ago.”

“And right away I see the difference in how my mom is with them.”

“She knows them, she loves them, she dedicates time to them, she advocates for them.”

“All the things I do not remember her ever doing for me.”

“She eats with them and plays with them and she takes her daughter to preschool every day and takes her for a treat after.”

“It sucks to see.”

“I didn’t get a good mom but I see she had her in it to be a good mom and chose not to be.”

“Sam isn’t as good as my dad was though.”

“But he’s still better than my mom ever was to me.”

“Last week my mom asked me to babysit for her and Sam and I said no.”

“My mom was shocked and asked me why I wouldn’t babysit.”

“I told her I had work and I had plans with friends.”

“She told me she would have expected me to want time with the kids.”

“I told her I don’t want time with her do over family.”

“She asked me what that meant and I said Sam and the kids are her do over family.”

“She is a better mom to her younger kids, and she and Sam have created their own perfect little family with them and their kids.”

“But she was never that for me.”

“I told her I have zero interest in helping her out with the do over family and I pointed out that it was the most she had said to me in years, because she normally doesn’t talk to me or include me in anything and the only reason she was speaking to me is she wanted something.”

“She was all ‘how dare you say that about Sam and the kids’ and she told me I had an awful attitude and she hopes the kids never pick up on how I feel about them and their dad.”

“She told me they deserve better than being described that way and she told me I had some nerve to be jealous that her kids have a happy family life.”

“I laughed and told her she only cared about them, and that was clear.”

“She called me a nasty little b*tch.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for referring to her stepfather and half-siblings as her “do over family.”

Everyone agreed that the OP’s mother deserved to know how absent she was from the OP’s life, with many agreeing that, based on her mother’s reaction, the OP might be better off cutting her mother out of her life completely:


“Your mum wasn’t and isn’t there for you and it must really hurt to see her be the mum you had wished for.”

“You understandably lashed out at her, and in response, she cussed you out, which is not acceptable.”

“You didn’t attack the kids; you absolutely directed your anger at the right recipient.”

“Hold out. It’s going to be better and you’ll be able to find your chosen family or be with the family members you want to be soon.”

“I wish you the best of luck and happiness in your future.”- MrsPomMummy


“Talk to your grandparents, see if they can take you in and try to save the money you get from your job.”

“You’re 17 years old, you’re 18th birthday will be move out day.”- Otherwise_Degree_729

“I mean no, NTA, you are right and we’re blunt about it.”

“You’re mum didn’t want to hear your truth.”

“It sounds like you have your head screwed on right but I would start making plans for when you can get out of there.”

“College is amazing, you can find your own chosen family.”- blooblanafoofana


“Your ‘egg donor with a uterus’ was not there for you.”

“She is now for her ‘second chance’ family.”

“You owe her nothing.”

“‘My mom doesn’t know me’.”

“‘She couldn’t tell you what classes I take in high school, what my favorite food or color is, who my friends and best friends are, nothing’.”

“If she brings this up again ask her these questions and see what her answers are.”

“When she can’t answer, she will throw a fit, but you will have made your point with her.”-Comfortable-Sea-2454


“And good you’re standing up for yourself.”

“If Sam asks about all this, be honest with him – he probably doesn’t know the true story.”

“And yes, it will be a sh*t-show when mommy-dearest has to answer for years of neglect.”-clearheaded01


“And from the way you stated your points, it sounds like your mother is trying to deflect your truth onto her husband and your siblings, rather than facing the fact she is the one who is the problem.”

“Ask her some of those questions: what subjects, foods, etc., are your favorites; what did you do for a particular holiday or birthday; who was your 5th, 7th, etc., grade teacher; or whatever questions you want.”

“When she can’t answer, just tell her she proved your point.”

“This has nothing to do with her husband or your siblings; it’s all on her.”- KweeNeeBee


“Next time, say, ‘when I was daughter’s age, what was my favorite color? Tell me a story about what I did in preschool that was memorable’.”- CaptainSneakers

“I love how she instantly spun everything you said about her into you insulting Sam and the kids.”

“That’s the version she’ll tell them, proving that not only did she not listen to you, she’s still mistreating you.”


“But you need to watch your back now and save as much money as you can.”

“You’ll probably need to leave home after you turn 18.”

“You also might need to sit Sam down privately and explain to him that you’ve got nothing against him and the kids, but your mother has treated and neglected you so badly over the years that you will never do anything for her convenience because you’re practically strangers and she has done nothing to earn either your trust or your cooperation.”

“She hasn’t even apologized for abandoning you in all but name.”- ghostoftommyknocker

It’s hard when people confront you about poor or negligent past behavior.

Especially when you know all too well that everything they are saying to you is true.

Based on her reaction to what the OP said, the OP’s mother must clearly know that she was not as present a mother to her as she currently is to the OP’s half-siblings.

Giving them love and affection that the OP will likely never receive from her.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.