Homophobia can really complicate family relations, especially when family members demand that someone hide who they are.
That’s the dilemma a young person on Reddit recently faced when his girlfriend asked him to hide the fact that he’s the son of a lesbian couple from her parents. So he took the situation to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by ThrowRAhelplost on the site, asked:
“AITA for not wanting to hide that my moms are gay to my girlfriend’s parents?”
“I’m 17 and started going out with my girlfriend 7 months ago. We were already chatting before school went online and I asked asked her out after.”
“So her parents wants to meet mines when it’s safe to do that and have dinner at their house. I’m cool with that and my moms are too.”
“But girlfriend told me that her parents don’t know I have 2 moms and she don’t want them to because they’re not raging homophobes but they don’t like that. She just says it will make them feel weird and uncomfortable and asked if only one of my moms could go.”
“Idk I just don’t see why I gotta lie. If we stayed together obviously they will find out and also that would be mean to ask my moms if one of them not go. I never been embarrassed about it or weird so don’t see why it even matters.”
“My girlfriend has been pissed at me ever since and she just tells me to do it so it’s not uncomfortable for her parents. Even my friends r saying it’s not a big deal and it’s not like I’ll get grounded for asking my moms to do this.”
“I’m caught in the middle here cause I don’t wanna lie about my moms or exclude one them but everyone is acting like I’m being the ass for not doing this thing.”
Redditors were then asked to determine who is in the wrong in this situation using the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors decided OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA and I think you should consider whether this girl really values you if she wants you to hide your family.”
“She’s concerned about how her parents would feel, but she doesn’t seem to mind hurting yours.”
“Your parents may not ground you for asking, but they are likely to be hurt. It doesn’t sound like that’s something you want.” —kdsexologist
“The fact that his friends told him to just go along with it because ‘its not like he’ll get grounded’ made me furious.”
“I know they’re just teenagers, but even at that age, you should know that the reason you don’t do something hurtful isn’t because you’ll get grounded, it’s because someone will get hurt. What a bunch of self-absorbed a**holes.” —neurealis
“Hi, fellow child of two moms here! I had a similar experience with my first boyfriend. His parents were very religious and I had to lie about my family. It’s something that I still feel stupid/ guilty about to this day bc (as you may guess) that relationship didn’t work out!”
“After that relationship I decided to not get involved with people who didn’t have the same mindset and values about gay couples and their families. You also need to consider how your mom will feel if she has to meet these people in person and actively hide who she is and her relationship.”