At one point, humans were more self-sufficient. Not because it was better or more efficient, but because there were no options.
Hunting and gathering food, growing crops, tending livestock, finding shelter, and building their own homes were things humans had to do to survive.
As time passed, tasks became specialized, so instead of everyone doing everything at a subsistence level, people became specialists and began exchanging labor for labor or for money.
Few people working outside the home build and fully maintain their home, maintain their vehicle, and grow or raise their own food. Most people pay others to provide those services.
While most might do routine maintenance or cleaning of their home and vehicle, they can also pay to have those tasks done.
Is it a sign of laziness or a more efficient use of time versus money?
A man who thinks the latter turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subreddit for feedback after his significant other objected to his cleaning lady.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
A Redditor asked:
“AITAH for not firing the cleaning lady because my girlfriend (GF) asked me to?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (male, 42) have a cleaning lady who comes every other week. She’s super hardworking, really nice, and I completely trust her.”
“She comes while I’m at work and I get to come home to a clean house—the best feeling.”
“One time she told me she drank a can of Pepsi from my fridge and even asked if she should pay me back. I told her she 100% has my permission to take a break and eat/drink whatever she needs while she’s here.”
“Since then she’ll occasionally have a pop, a glass of juice, or once she said she had a piece of toast. She’s never helped herself to any meals, snacks, or anything beyond that.”
My girlfriend of 5 months (female, 38) was over the other night and said she saw my cleaning lady ‘stealing from the fridge’. I told her she wasn’t stealing, she has my permission, and she’s definitely not sitting around being lazy.”
“She was taking a break! I mean, we get free coffee at work, too. So I don’t see any difference.”
“My girlfriend said it’s weird, unprofessional, and that it could lead to ‘boundary crossing’. I told her I’ve known this woman for two years and nothing like that has ever happened.
“Girlfriend thinks I should fire her before it ‘gets worse’.”
“Am I wrong for thinking, why change something that’s been working perfectly fine?”
“Am I being weird?”
The OP later added:
“I had no idea a silly debate between my girlfriend and me would blow up like this. I talked to her and she said she thinks it’s weird that my cleaning lady can grab something to eat or drink.”
“She said it’d be better if she brought her own stuff. I was like, the woman goes to multiple clients a day! She can’t be carrying a whole suitcase of snacks on top of the vacuum, mop, and everything else.”
“And it’s not like she’s raiding my whole fridge, so who cares? My girlfriend said it just makes her uncomfortable.”
“Then she asked why I even need a cleaning lady when I live in a 2 bedroom, and told me to ‘just be an adult and clean your own place’. She said I don’t need a cleaning lady to ‘mommy’ me.”
“I was like, she’s not mommying me! She’s a huge help, and my place looks amazing after she leaves.”
“Then she said when we move in or get married, the cleaning lady has to go because she doesn’t like strangers in her house, and that I need to get off my a** and do my part. She thinks the whole concept of having a cleaning lady is dumb.”
“She had asked me before if I ever wanna get married one day, and I had said yes. But it hadn’t go beyond that.”
“I told her I don’t get her logic at all. She doesn’t charge much, I can easily afford her, and my house looks great, so what’s the issue‽‽”
“She kept going on about how I’m being lazy and acting like a ‘man baby’ and that I should act like an adult. I told her, ‘I’m 42, and for my 40th birthday, I hired a cleaning lady as a gift to myself because I want my free time to relax. And I’m not changing that. I honestly have no f*cking clue what your problem is! I just don’t get it!’.”
“She hung up. Whatever! I’m honestly too old for this sh*t. I’m going to bed.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to show his cleaning lady some basic decency (NTA).
“NTA. Some people really project their stuff onto others… If getting help made life easier for you, that’s all that matters. Not worth keeping someone around who can’t respect that.” ~ ScumbagPartyDylan
“You’re paying for a service with your own money—that’s literally being an adult. The whole ‘strangers in her house’ thing when you’re not even living together yet is a red flag.” ~ affectionate_orchid
“Oh, I ended a friendship over this once! I hired a cleaning lady to take care of the house when I was going through a tough time emotionally and knew I wasn’t keeping up.”
“The friend said that HER mother taught her to clean up after herself, and it was lazy and frivolous to hire a cleaning lady.”
“I never spoke to her again. You should probs do the same…” ~ Jamiejoie
“I am 38 and female, and if I could hire a person to clean my house, I would do it in a heartbeat. If you can afford services that improve your life and make you happy and give you more free time, that is AWESOME.” ~ FriendlyCanadianCPA
“I told my cleaning lady she is welcome to have whatever she wants. Showed her where the coffee and tea were. She occasionally helps herself, but rarely. Happy employees do better work.” ~ Own_Delivery_6188
“NTA, your cleaning lady is following pre-determined rules and is not taking advantage of you. As you said, she’s hardworking and doing what you agreed with. Why mess with what’s not broken?” ~ Klutzy-Contest-1640
“OP doesn’t have a cleaning lady problem; they have a girlfriend problem. She doubled down when told it wasn’t inappropriate.” ~ WorldAsChaos
“It really shows you someone’s character by how they treat those in these service industry roles.” ~ 8Aquitaine8
“Harder to find a good cleaning lady than a girlfriend…” ~ Slybird47
“Your cleaning lady, your place, your money, your choice. I think that she’s the one being weird about it.” ~ lesbipositive
“It’s OK that the girlfriend asked, but when you explained that you gave the cleaning lady permission, a nice normal response would have been to happily accept your explanation and your business relationship with the cleaning lady.” ~ ThinkingBroad
“My wife used to be that cleaning lady. Cleaning an entire house in a few hours is f*cking HARD WORK.”
“You’re a good human. Your girlfriend, maybe not so much. Her mask seems to have slipped a bit. How people treat ‘The Help’ is telling.” ~ BryceKatz
“I would keep the cleaning lady and fire the girlfriend. Is her lack of compassion what you want other’s to see?” ~ New_Nobody9492
“You’ve got a girlfriend problem, she doesn’t appear to be a decent person if that’s her reaction.”
“She looks down on this woman for being a cleaning lady. She looks down on you for hiring a cleaning lady. NTA.” ~ BulbasaurRanch
“This is a red flag from your girlfriend. I’d be worried about how she treats others who are ‘below’ her station in life. Take a real good look at her overall behavior towards others, and if she shows disdain to blue collar workers, then you will know who she truly is.” ~ notmyname2012
“Unless your girlfriend changes the oil, filters, belts, and fluids in her vehicle and washes it herself, she needs to STFU about you being lazy for having a cleaning lady. What we choose to pay others to do to maintain our homes or vehicles should be a financial question, not a moral one.
“Tell her that if you’re lazy for having someone clean your house every other week, she’s lazy for not doing all of her own vehicle cleaning and maintenance.” ~ MohawMais
“Sounds like the cleaning lady isn’t the only one taking the trash out. Sometimes it takes itself out. Good riddance to a rubbish girlfriend, OP.” ~ Pale-Worldliness9399
The OP provided a final update:
“Girlfriend texted that she can’t waste her time with a lazy man who’d rather give full control of ‘her’ house to a maid instead of getting off his a** to do the cleaning of the house himself.”
“I told her ‘best of luck’. She told me, ‘go f*ck yourself!’.”
“Looking forward to spending the holidays this year with my son in my very clean house. Thank you everyone.”
It seems like it wasn’t the OP being courteous to his cleaning lady that was the real issue.
OP’s girlfriend didn’t like him having a cleaning lady at all and was unwilling to accept him having one that he was paying with his money to clean his house.
Now OP gets a clean house and one less mess in his life.