Redditor Complete_North_8446 grew up with immense privilege and had things like a maid growing up.
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) live-in girlfriend did not grow up with such luxuries, and a recent run-in between her and the maid has caused some tension between the OP and his girlfriend.
This tension drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
He asked:
“AITA for not wanting to « fire » my maid to please my girlfriend ?”
He went on to explain:
“I [Male age 25] have been in a relationship with Amy [Female age 23] since nearly 3 years, and we started to live together 2 months ago in my apartment.”
“I love her and everything was going well until this argument.”
“I am very lucky to be born in a rich family, so my parents used to have a maid to do the housework, Maria [57-year-old Female].”
“She has been working for my parents since I’m seven and became a family friend. For example, we were all invited to the wedding of her daughter.”
“Last year, my parents took a well-deserved retirement and enjoy some trips, visit family etc, so since last year, they have spent very little time at home.”
“So Maria didn’t have much work to do in their home. My parents proposed to have Maria as a maid for my apartment.”
“I gladly approved because I love Maria, and usually I am very tired after work, so it is nice to have someone to take care of the home. Maria was also happy to keep working for us.”
“My parents insisted to cover the whole wage of Maria until the end of my residency, even if I could do it (she earns about 2.5 times the minimal salary in my country)”
“Amy comes from a more modest background and doesn’t understand the principle of having a maid. She doesn’t want Maria to iron her clothes or tidying her stuff.”
“I thought she wasn’t used to it, but Amy seems to dislike Maria for some reason.”
“Here is the conflict: yesterday Maria came to work and especially clean the bathroom, Amy was supposed to be at work, but she was showering and didn’t put the lock, you know the rest.”
“Amy got angry at Maria and yelled at her.”
“Maria called me to explain the incident. She told me she apologized and tried to say she thought Amy was at work and that she rang the bell before entering with her key.”
“When I came home, Amy was still angry. She says Maria is sneaky and creepy and that I should fire and we should just split chores.”
“I try to calm her down and told her that maybe she was overreacting, but she is having none of it.”
“Honestly, I don’t want to ditch Maria, I have total trust in her. She is almost family to me. Also, I know I sound a bit lazy but both Amy and I have pretty demanding jobs, so dealing with chores after work would be tiring.”
“Furthermore, it would, without doubt, upset my parents. I tried to explain all of this to Amy, but she called me an egoistical and lazy AH. She said that I choose Maria instead of her and her comfort.”
“She is now giving me the cold shoulder.”
“I feel bad about this, I talked about it with my friends. Some sides with me, but a few also say that I am in the wrong, I’m a bit torn.”
“So AITA ?”’
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA”
“You are in a residency program and are understandably tired. Your family wants to help you and help Maria, something they can afford to do.”
“I honestly don’t see the problem.”
“If the problem is that you are wealthier than Amy, then that problem is not going to go away.”
“And I’m pretty sure that you want to continue living what is probably an American upper middle-class lifestyle.”
“Amy is going to have to adjust, or I don’t see how this can work out.” – Right_Bee_9809
“Spot on. It’s blatantly obvious that she has a massive lifestyle inferiority complex that is now causing her to lash out at Maria, who’s essentially an innocent bystander in all of this.”
“I grew up poor, studied, got into a good career, and eventually married into a much wealthier family.”
“So I can understand how irrationally uncomfortable it is to suddenly have comforts paid by or chores done by others. It takes time to adjust to. I could tell you a lot of stories about it.”
“But that discomfort does not justify the GF’s cruelty towards Maria, not her tantrum over this, nor her disregard towards OP’s family ties to Maria.”
“OP is NTA. GF sure is.” – NeitiCora
“NTA. Amy shows no compassion to people who you deem as trustworthy and who have been with you for a while. You are getting the preview of what she’s like when she doesn’t get her way.”
“The way she yelled at Maria shows how she treats people. You’re not the a**hole. She is. 🚩🚩🚩🚩” – Pandasrthebest
“NTA- my heart breaks for Maria who was just trying to do her job.”
“Your gf’s inferiority complex over your family’s ability to afford a maid isn’t your problem and she should not be taking it out on Maria.” – _A-Q
“NTA. I’m from a Latin American country where both the highest and lowest classes would agree nothing is tackier than to get rid of the trusted staff that has seen the family’s children grow.”
“Your parents found a way to lighten Maria’s load now that she is older. She went from cleaning a big house to cleaning an apartment with only two people.”
“She is doing everything she can to do it while your gf is out in order not to be a bother.”
“Your gf should be more understanding of a 57-year-old woman who still wants to earn her bread by doing honest work.”
“If you were in my country, your parents would dislike your gf just for calling Maria creepy after she spent DECADES respecting their privacy and home.”
“And that would apply even if she was the richest, poshest of them all.” – quarantineinthesouth
“NTA. From what you wrote, Maria doesn’t sound creepy, and she has been part of your life forever. I’ve had a maid, and I know how hard it is to find someone you trust.”
“Additionally, that would create problems for you AND for your parents. Amy is thinking about herself. Which would be OK as long as she didn’t try to direct your behaviour.”
“For example, she could say ‘I’d rather wash and iron my clothes myself’.”
“But the moment she pushes for you to do house chores you don’t want to do, you have a reasonable reason for not doing (demanding job).”
“AND you have the money to be able to afford a maid for, I see red flags shining bright.” – pippi2424
“NTA”
“‘she says Maria is sneaky and creepy and that I should fire and we should just split chores.’”
“I could be off here, but it seems she has trust issues more than you being “lazy.” That seems a little weird to me given the context of Maria that you gave, as she is not just a random maid.”
“There is nothing wrong with hiring a maid, and especially in the context you provided.” – Pacquiao14
“NAH”
“I don’t think you did anything wrong, your girlfriend knew about Maria being your maid (housekeeper?) before she moved in.”
“And I absolutely think it’s good you don’t want to leave Maria hanging.”
“But I also get her point of view, I personally wouldn’t want a maid.”
“I don’t think maids are nosy, creepy people at all, but I would not want someone who isn’t me or my partner to see my dirty underwear, and my trash etc.”
“You have to understand that while Maria is like a family member to you, she’s basically a stranger to Amy.”
“The bathroom incident was unfortunate, but imo your girlfriend’s fault – the schedule was clearly communicated.”
“You’ll need to sit down and solve this issue.”
“If Amy absolutely does not want to ever have a maid work for her, and if you absolutely always want to have a maid work for you, maybe you’re not that compatible.”
“But maybe you’ll also be able to solve that issue!” – annamariapix
“NTA. Although I do understand her not wanting her stuff to be touched, personally, I don’t like anyone touching my clothes/items apart from my partner.”
“The bathroom thing a genuine misunderstanding. I definitely don’t think it’s fair for her to say Maria is a creep.” – No-Warning4684
“Wow, I’m amazed that you even need to ask this. You are definitely NTA.”
“Your girlfriend sounds like an entitled monster without any regard for the livelihood and emotions of other.”
“I’d keep the maid and get rid of your girlfriend” – therapoootic
Hopefully, this couple can sort it out.