Food is important.
And a food schedule is important, especially with children.
And trusting your significant other with your kid’s food is important.
Mess all of this up and it’s chaos.
Case in point…
Redditor Throwra535334 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for cancelling dinner because my girlfriend didn’t feed my daughter lunch?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I M[ale} 33 have been with my girlfriend F[emale] 30 for over a year.”
“She quit her job as soon as she moved in with me saying that technically, she’s a S[tay] A[t] H[ome] M[om] since she takes care of my 5 year old daughter.”
“I thought her decision was odd for many reasons including the fact that my daughter is only comfortable with me taking care of her needs.”
“Yesterday, I was at work.”
“Since my girlfriend is still getting used to my daughter’s routine, I decided to help by making her a schedule and even setting alarms for certain activities like showering.”
“At 1pm, my daughter was supposed to eat her lunch.”
“It was on the schedule but I still texted my girlfriend to remind her.”
“All she had to do was reheat the food I cooked the night before since I’m the one who’s doing the cooking.”
“I got home at 5 and found my daughter in her room with some chips.”
“I asked why she was having chips at the time and she said it was because my girlfriend didn’t give her lunch.”
“I asked why and she said she had friends over.”
“I was livid.”
“I rushed to confront her and she tried to downplay it saying she forgot, and chatting with her friends made her forget.”
“I said it was bull**it since she had the schedule.”
“She said I was judging her for still getting used to my daughter’s routine and forgetting stuff.”
“But I literally texted to remind her.”
“She claimed she didn’t see the text but her phone never leaves her phone.”
“I’ve decided that I won’t be cooking for her or her family who were supposed to come over later last night for dinner.”
“She freaked out saying I couldn’t do that and put her in this situation after I agreed to cook for the night.”
“I said it was done and declined to keep arguing it.”
“She started screaming that I was being too harsh on her not giving her time to adjust properly.”
“She ended up cancelling dinner with her family but is pretty much pissed at me for backing out last minute.”
“AITA?
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole. But with a few caveats.
“YTA for letting this person alone with your child.” ~ Zookeeper-007
“Yeah, I’d definitely see that if she’s already only comfortable with her dad taking care of her needs and isn’t used to/comfortable with the girlfriend.”
“Also… did the GF not eat lunch?”
“Because I’m sure she probably did so there’s no reason she should have forgotten the child.”
“She did it on purpose.”
“OP’s an AH to himself and his daughter for not shutting that down immediately when she said she was quitting her job to be a SAHM.” ~ pillowcrates
“Yeah this. If you are hungry, the kid is hungry.”
“And the kid is probably hungry between times too sometimes and might want a snack, but there’s no excuse for not feeding the kid lunch when you eat your own lunch.”
“I also wonder how that was managed.”
“I don’t know any 5-year-olds who wouldn’t speak up if they were hungry or go make an attempt to get something to eat themselves.”
“So either the chips were not the only snack she fed herself or she’s wary of telling the girlfriend what she needs.”
“I’d casually talk alone to the daughter, as well.”
“Did she ‘forget’ because she wasn’t actually THERE?”
“Or because she was using some sort of substance?”
“Had she ordered the kid not to bother her?”
“Like if it was snack or something sure, but lunch?”
“She forgot to feed the kid LUNCH?” ~ AdEmbarrassed9719
“As someone who was a timid child who spent large chunks of time being raised by a stepfather who terrified me – from age 3 – I can totally believe she didn’t speak up more than once, if at all.”
“You just don’t take risks with an abusive parent.”
“And OP’s girlfriend sounds abusive.” ~ mynameismilton
“Dude… The moment she unilaterally quit her job to be a ‘SAHM’ for your child that you care for was a sign to get out ASAP.”
“You don’t have a girlfriend you have a dependent, make sure to file your taxes accordingly.”
“Definitely NTA.”
“She’s scamming you and using your child as a pawn, run bud.” ~ Ok-Albatross6794
“NTA. She’s doing the staying at home part great.”
“But mom? Not so much.”
“From the outside it looks like she’s just there for the free ride.” ~ Jikal
“Exactly!! This is care of another human being not a dishwasher or something she forgot to put on.”
“If she’s looking after your kid, your kid is the top priority.”
“She neglected your kid to hang out with her friends.”
“No one should need a reminder to feed a child. Ever.”
“As a working parent, age 5 is when you look at going back to work because the kids need less time and attention.”
“You know everything you need to know about her dedication to your family.”
“RIGHT HERE! NTA.” ~ WhizzoButterBoy
“NTA. Warning: Strong opinion ahead.”
“Your GF is using you. Harsh truth.”
“Glad you see the real her now.”
“Neglecting to feed a 5 year old and leaving her alone in her room with some chips is the tip of the iceberg as to the neglect or worse that could occur.”
“I strongly recommend you reevaluate the relationship.”
“You may come to realize that she moved in rather quickly with the notion to stop working and expect you to work and still carry most of the household load.”
“You and your daughter deserve better.”
“You’d be better off hiring a nanny.” ~ FlyBuy3
“I agree 200000%!!!”
“And of she is a sahm she better be helping with the cooking and stuff…”
“I was s sahm for 6 years, my hubby worked 90+ hours per week, and my part of our partnership was cooking, cleaning, doing all the primary parenting, laundry, pet care… the list goes on.”
“Did he help on his days off?”
“Yes, he did our car maintenance BUT I made sure he spent time with our family as much as possible.”
“Or got to nap all day if he wanted too. OP, NTA.”
“Get rid of the parasite before she sucks all the joy from you and your daughters life… no one is THAT good in bed.” ~ kristiswright
“ESH. You’ve only been with this person for a year, and you’ve let her move into your home and take over care of your daughter, knowing that your daughter only feels comfortable with you.”
“WhyTF are you doing this to her?” ~ Aggravating_Start411
“NTA. How the h*** is she a SAHM if she doesn’t even feed your child?”
“It’s a basic human need.”
“I would make her get a job and hire a nanny who won’t leave your child without a meal all day.”
“She is using you.”
“SAHM’s job is taking care of a child, thus why it’s called sah-MOM.”
“She is not doing her job.”
“You’re the one who goes to work and cooks, she gets mad cause you won’t cook.”
“Man, you need to think about if she’s worth your time.”
“Uh the rage I feel now, poor child.” ~ throwaway_for_sunny
“He needs to kick her out for real.”
“Who becomes a “SAHM” when they’re only a girlfriend of less than a year?”
“How long ago did she move in?”
‘Why is he moving in a girlfriend so quickly when he has a young child?”
“Whose idea was it for her to move in?”
“Why did he allow her to make such a dramatic decision without discussing with him first?”
“How long has she been living there that she doesn’t know the kid’s schedule at all and needed one written out?”
“Why is OP still doing all the cooking when he’s also the only one earning income?”
“What other chores/SAHM responsibilities is she skipping, beyond feeding the kid?”
“This whole situation is bonkers.”
“And I’d say ESH for OP’s irresponsible decisions regarding his daughter’s stability and obvs the GF for being a selfish, manipulative leech.” ~ anndor
“NTA. Kick her out.”
“A healthy woman in her 30s quitting her job to be a self-proclaimed SAHM for her step-daughter (the titles are funny because you guys aren’t even married).”
“While the dad ironically takes care of almost all of the daughter’s needs, is a huge, huge red flag.”
“She made up an excuse to mooch off you and didn’t even try enough to keep that excuse by just feeding your daughter.”
“Not someone you want around your or your daughter’s life.” ~ conmeohaman
“NTA, but I’m really close to an ESH, simply because you have someone ‘taking care’ of your daughter who clearly isn’t caring for her.”
“I strongly suggest you rethink your living situation and make sure your child’s needs are placed above your girlfriend’s wants, especially since she’s clearly taking advantage of you.” ~ Sapient_being_8000
Well OP, Reddit is loudly clear.
With a few different thoughts.
Sounds like there needs to be a serious chat in the relationship future.
Hopefully everyone is happy and healthy in the end.