Redditor Aggressive_Buy4075 was perplexed when she learned her daughter’s new half-sister was given the same name.
The Original Poster (OP) coparents peacefully with her daughter’s father, and has a good relationship with the girlfriend and new mother.
But the recent naming snafu riled the OP up to the point that she reached out to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.
She asked:
“AITA for calling my daughters father spineless and his girlfriend creepy over their name choice for their daughter?”
She went on to explain.
“A little bit of context for you all, I ended up falling pregnant with my 10-year-old daughter during a drunken hook-up with a friend in my mid-20s.”
“Not the most glamourous or flattering truth, but it’s the truth all the same. When we found out, we decided to keep the child and co-parent while remaining friends.”
“We were never a couple, and we didn’t want to be one either.”
“Four years ago, he began to date his long-term girlfriend, and they moved in together last year.”
“She fell pregnant and I’ve been supportive to them both as much as I could be without crossing any lines.”
“I’ve encouraged my daughter to help out whenever she’s staying with them during the pregnancy and to behave.”
“I’ve also made it clear that I want the children to have a close relationship despite having different Mothers.”
“I’ve even said that if they were comfortable with it on nights I have my daughter if they ever want time alone I’ll babysit once they have the baby so my daughter can spend time with her sibling.”
“All in all, I thought everything was great, and I was excited for my daughter to have a sibling as she’s always wanted one, but I had no interest in having another child.”
“Three days ago, my friend and his girlfriend had a daughter. They asked me to bring my daughter to the hospital to meet her little sister yesterday alongside others of the family.”
“So I did exactly that, but when they introduced us to the baby, I was shocked. They’d named used my daughter’s name.”
“She didn’t seem to have any issue with this when she introduced the baby bold as brass. My friend seemed uncomfortable and wouldn’t look at me directly.”
“I asked them what they were playing at, at which point my friend’s father said he’d take my daughter down to the cafeteria to get something to eat and left with her.”
“My friend told me to calm down and not overreact while his girlfriend told me she didn’t see the issue and it was a pretty name.”
“I asked them if they’d named the baby for my daughter, trying to understand the logic here, but his girlfriend said that no, it was just a pretty name she liked.”
“I then asked if they planned to use a nickname or a middle name when addressing to her on a daily basis, and her response was that she didn’t see a need for that.”
“I told them they were being ridiculous and that they couldn’t do this.”
“I then told his girlfriend that I found this frankly creepy and told my friend he was being spineless if he was happy to go along with this.”
“He tried to claim our daughter could use a nickname or something, but I shut that down immediately, asking why it was more reasonable for a girl who has used that name for a decade to shame her name compared to a baby who had no concept of what a name was yet.”
“His girlfriend told me I was being a b*tch talking to her like that after she just gave birth and asked the nurses to remove me, saying I was being disruptive.”
“Maybe my temper is running a little too hot, though, and I was too harsh on her when she just gave birth. It’s just so f*cking weird.”
“I’d also like to state I know that what they want to name their child is their choice, They could have called her Dinosaur for all I care, but this is one name that should be off limits or adjusted.”
“They even have the same surname as they have the same father…”
“Something about it just felt malicious and deliberate, as if she’s trying to replace my daughter, and for them both to spring it on us like that at the first meeting? No that was weird.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA. From the outside, it sure reads like she wants to replace her partner’s affection for his first daughter with his new baby. Of course, it’s creepy.” – ParsimoniousSalad
“NTA. They hid this for a reason. He was embarrassed for a reason.”
“The same FIRST and LAST name is going to cause both those girls a lifetime of issues, especially with the same father.”
“I usually would have a bit more sympathy for a woman who just gave birth…”
“…but she seemed deliberately cold and cruel towards your daughter (her stepdaughter) to have done this.” – DeeDee-MayMay
“NTA. This is a calculated move on the part of the GF, and your daughter’s d*ck of a father is too spineless to stand up to her.”
“While no name can be claimed, this is a move full of hate and spite.”
“I would tell your daughter’s father that you will be going for full custody of your daughter and taking him for child support because you can no longer trust him to do the right thing by your daughter.”
“How can you trust that he wouldn’t allow his gf to treat your daughter poorly based on this behaviour?”
“Obviously, his father agrees with you… that this name is not acceptable.”
“I’m sorry but your daughter is never going to get treated right by her father’s gf. She is already trying to replace your daughter by giving her daughter the same name.” – Mishy162
“NTA”
“It is ridiculous that your daughter’s dad and his GF do something creepy and crazy. You may be right to assume the GF is probably jealous of your daughter and trying to replace her. Not healthy.”
“IMO, This was deliberate and not innocent even if they claim it to be”
“EDIT: I am going to take a wild guess that the GF had orchestrated the name reveal at the hospital intentionally to generate evidence and throw you out of the hospital and from the Guy’s life.”
“She knew her behavior, warrants a scene, and she crafted a get out of jail card even before committing the crime.” – Pressnspeak
“NTA. This is ridiculous of them and will cause both girls issues with government paperwork for their whole lives going forward. They aren’t doing the new baby any favors here.” – Mindless-Pangolin841
“‘Please meet my daughters: Anna and Anna’ ‘What cute sister you have Anna! What’s her name? Also Anna?’ ‘Anna and Anna, do you want a drink?’ ‘In 20 years: Anna is coming over! Which one?’”
“This is so, so weird. On the same level as men naming their sons prince 1, prince 2 etc.”
“You are nta; those people are bananas. I would talk to my daughter about how she wants to proceed with visits, custody etc.”
“And name the new baby Anna 2.0 or Anna in any conversations with your baby daddy. Just because it’s factually true.” – EntertainmentOk6284
“NTA.”
“Honestly, how did they THINK you would react to that? How did they imagine that conversation would go?”
“If you want your peace and quiet after just giving birth, maybe don’t spring that kind of disrespect and weirdness on people.”
“Of all the names in the world, you do not choose the child’s sister’s name. It is weird and disrespectful towards the sister.”
“It’s a ton of pretty names. I’m usually quite chill when it comes to «sharing names» in families or friend groups, but SIBLINGS cannot have the same name.”
“They should bin that idea, if for nothing else, that child’s sake. I would be so embarrassed growing up having the same name as my ten year older sister.”
“I imagine people will be teasing her about it. I would always be feeling bad about it around family, too, like I had stolen something that wasn’t mine.”
“And it would be hard having a normal relationship with my sister. The baby deserves her own name!” – Muted_Radish_9011
“As for blowing up ‘just after she’s given birth’. You don’t name a baby on a whim… she was planning this long before she gave birth.”
“I’d leave because I’d have nothing nice to say, but I’d send a very blunt text to the father saying, ‘You can’t be serious! What nonsense game is this?’”
“‘I can’t control what you name your newborn, but I can say naming two girls the same is going to cause a lifetime of woes for both’”
“‘Everything from credit reports to identity issues, plus the fact that their families are forever going to be confused.’”
“‘I don’t know what you guys want, but it seems you want to create significant issues into the future for both kids. Please think this through before you complete the paperwork.’”
“And then … ring his parents and raise an eyebrow and say the same.”
“Then get yourself a good family lawyer because you will need it, sadly.” – Particular-Try5584
This is quite a tangled situation. The future logistics of even planning a party are absurd.
We hope that cooler heads can prevail and perhaps settle on a nickname for the new bundle of joy.