The next gradual step in a new committed relationship is moving in together, a milestone that should be an exciting chapter for two people in love.
Once the stress of finding a place to call home is situated, the fun part begins: decorating.
Although certain compromises are to be expected, one guy was very resistant to something his wife absolutely wanted.
He wound up visiting the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit when his hard stance caused drama in the relationship.
Seeking judgment from strangers online, Redditor Content_Account8116 asked:
“AITA for Refusing to Let My Wife Hang Her Childhood Blanket in Our Living Room?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Sooo My wife (34 F[female]) and I (36 M[ale]) recently moved into our first home together after saving up for years. We’ve been having a great time decorating it and making it our own, but we’ve hit a bit of a roadblock when it comes to the living room.”
“My wife has this old, tattered blanket that she’s had since she was a baby. It’s clearly been well-loved—meaning, it’s falling apart, faded, and covered in stains that have probably been there for decades.”
“I get that it holds a lot of sentimental value for her, and I’m totally cool with her keeping it in the house. She sometimes cuddles with it when she’s stressed or wants some comfort, which I think is sweet.”
The OP then delved into the issue.
“However, she wants to hang it on the wall in our living room as ‘art.’ I was pretty shocked when she brought it up because, to be honest, the blanket looks more like something that belongs in a storage box than on display in our main living area.”
“The living room is the first thing people see when they walk into our house, and I was hoping to keep it looking somewhat stylish and presentable.”
“I suggested that we could hang it in our bedroom or maybe in her home office instead, where it would still be visible and special, but not as front-and-center. But she’s adamant that the living room is where she wants it because that’s where she spends the most time, and she says it makes her feel safe and happy.”
Things went nowhere fast.
“This has turned into a bit of a standoff. She says I’m being dismissive of her feelings and that I’m trying to control how the house looks without considering what’s important to her. I feel like I’m just trying to keep our shared space looking nice, and I’ve even offered to frame the blanket or find a way to incorporate it more tastefully, but she says that’s not the same.”
“Now, she’s barely talking to me and seems really hurt, which was never my intention. I’m starting to wonder if I’m being too rigid about this and not respecting her attachment to the blanket.”
“AITA for refusing to let my wife hang her childhood blanket in our living room?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“Honestly if I saw a framed used baby blanket on a wall, my first thought would probably be that the couple may have suffered an unfortunate death of a child and it was a memorial.” – Strange_Tidings36
“NTA”
‘She says I’m being dismissive of her feelings and that I’m trying to control how the house looks without considering what’s important to her.’
“I disagree. I think you were considerate, because you offered a compromise, hanging it in the bedroom, her home office, framed, a more creative approach, etc. Meanwhile, she’s refusing to compromise and insisting on having it exactly the way she wants it. So if anyone’s feelings are being dismissed, it’s yours OP.” – anothertypicalcmmnt
“This is really…odd. Saying this as a married mother your wife’s age whose childhood stuffed animal is literally next to me right now. I think you’re being very accommodating and respectful and I might ask her why she’s so insistent on having it displayed front and center in the living room. Trying to understand root causes/feelings can often help when a disagreement reaches a standstill.”
“To me it just feels counter to people’s usual attachments to these things, which is more private (not out of embarrassment but just like, they’re very personal items not usually meant to be shared).” – catfriend18
“I agree. This is the compromise my husband and I utilize for our more “personal” pieces and I think a lot of couples do the same thing. His art that I don’t want in the main areas of the house goes in his office (tasteful fan art/poster type things); the stuff of mine he doesn’t want out goes into my office or our bedroom (nude sketches).”
“Everything goes in nice frames, so it still looks ‘adult’ and tasteful. Your wife’s response seems a little outsized to me – I wonder if there is something else going on there for her emotionally?” – Big_Box601
“I was going to say this as well, it sounds like you’ve offered multiple compromises and she isn’t willing to entertain any of them. She says you’re not considering what’s important to her but I’m not sure she realizes she isn’t considering what’s important to you. The blanket being there gives you anxiety; the blanket not being there gives her anxiety.”
“Neither is more or less important than the other, there needs to be some balance and both parties need to be willing to work towards that. Unless you’re a secret asshole who isn’t disclosing that you’ve shut down every other idea she’s had, you seem to be very reasonable and actively looking for solutions to make sure she’s happy.”
“You’re NTA but I think you said in another comment that you’re hoping she’ll get therapy and I think that’s a good idea. Needing to have a specific object in your line of sight at all times in order to feel safe isn’t particularly normal or healthy (and yes that includes all of us here with our phones lol).” – _serarthurdayne_
“I agree completely with you.”
“NTA – OP, and maybe show her the thread if you can’t get through to her?”
“I mean, if you weren’t considerate of her feelings, the blanket might’ve been trashed by now, especially if it looks that bad!”
“I find it a bit weird she wants it as decoration like that, personally. Especially if she still uses it for comfort, or whatever. Can’t do that if it’s on the wall.”
“Plus if it’s ancient and stained and frayed, it’s just gonna look a bit… Tacky? As ‘art’ ” – NinjaPlato
“NTA In my honest opinion, since you offered alternative solutions you are not the asshole in my eyes. I think she could have compromised with the situation.”
“I think she is not caring about your opinion/feelings since she disregarded your solutions.” – AbuGainer
“I think she’s not seeing my side as the emotional and comfort connection to the item is so strong, she’s going into like protection mode, we’ll talk more about it over the next few days. I have some great suggestions from people on here to try to bridge the gap.” – OP
“Hi. I’m coming from a different perspective, so hopefully, this is helpful. I’ve managed a quilt shop and have seen many quilts in very worn conditions that people want to restore, which I think is great. We have people who can do that. Sometimes, a quilt/blanket just needs a few repairs.”
“Sometimes it is really fragile and needs a lot of TLC. What we commonly saw was people wanting to restore these old things so they could use them again, wash them, pass them down to children who would beat them up, etc. If the condition was bad enough, one thing we always cautioned them on was that due to the extent of the damage, or how fragile it was, it would not be something that they could use so heavily.”
“Even with repairs, the bulk of the quilt is still made up of the older materials and would be prone to more damage with use. We suggested that they carefully display them over a chair or bed to look at and gently cuddle with, and definitely do not throw them in the washer.”
“That being said, I don’t know if her blanket is in that bad of shape, but it does sound like it needs some major TLC. I would not recommend hanging it on the wall, as the stress of it hanging could tear it further. If the wall is near a window, it could also fade. I would recommend cleaning it with gentle quilt soaps made for old quilts.”
“Usually, you soak it to remove the stains. Then, get it repaired if it needs to have any repairs done so it will increase its longevity. Draping it over a comfy chair in your bedroom would be a great place for it, within view but in your safe, comfortable bedroom.”
“I also want to add that you may not be the only one who may look at it like it’s an eyesore. Would her feelings be hurt if someone came into her house and said something hurtful about something that means so much to her? A lot of people have things from their childhood like this, and the reason they look dirty and beat up is because they are loved. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Sorry for the wall of text, but I hope this helps. Hopefully, she can preserve her blanket so it will last a long time. :)”
“NTA My husband and I agreed when we got married that decorating our house is a 2 yes or 1 no. We both have to live in this home and feel it represents us. The first picture we bought for our living room took as 1 1/2 years to find one that we both liked.”
“It is work to stay married and it takes both of you to work. I would say that her imposing that on you is unfair, but it is now up to her to decide what else she can do with it.”
“My husband brought a deer head with antlers and wanted it on the wall, I said no dead animal in my home! I don’t know what he did with it but I haven’t seen it since and we have been married for 33 years.”
“Best of luck in your marriage, myself personally I found the first year of adjusting to each other was the hardest.” – FornowWearefine
The OP took the responses to heart and shared a mutually agreed solution in an update.
He wrote:
“I talked with her. We calmly discussed things and the options many of you have suggested and she’s very into the idea of having it made into a teddy of some kind if we can find someone she’s comfortable with. Her Aunt is coming over to talk about it as she’s a good seamstress.”
“Thank you, genuinely to everyone for your assurance and assistance on this. Suggestions that were incredibly helpful and helped smooth this over. I was very upset when I posted this originally as I couldn’t work out how to find a middle ground.”
Fortunately, the conflict was handled with care.
Thanks to helpful Redditors showing genuine concern and offering helpful suggestions, the OP and his wife can move on from this hurdle and be each other’s security comfort.