When you live with your significant other, your decisions affect them as well.
Some people have a harder time grasping that concept.
Redditor Average_Student1257 encountered this very issue with his girlfriend. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for denying girlfriend’s friend (28M) to live with us?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (27M) recently started renting a nice apartment that’s 3 bedrooms and 2 and a half baths.”
“My girlfriend (26F) of 3 years moved in with me and it’s been great. She does split the rent and the cooking/cleaning. My nephew frequently stays with us as the apartment is closer to his school.”
“My girlfriend is very close to one friend (28M).”
“He does not like me at all. I’ve tried to be nice to him, but stopped when he told my girlfriend at a dinner party she could do a lot better than me. She laughed it off and told him to knock it off. Some of her friends think he has a crush on her.”
“She’s made it clear she only likes him as a friend.”
OP explained the main issue.
“Onto the issue, the same friend recently got evicted from his apartment because he was having trouble paying the rent on time. He has been living with friends and family since.”
“I got home from a long shift and my girlfriend was showing the apartment around to her friend group.”
“When the friends left, she wanted to speak to me. We sat down and she asked if it would be okay if her friend could move into the 3rd bedroom. I thought about it and told her no.”
“She then proceeded to tell me that she already told him it was okay. That started a huge argument between the two of us and she left to stay with her parents.”
“My stand on it is that her friend does not like me, is not offering to pay any rent and I don’t want to make my nephew uncomfortable when he stays with us.”
“AITA for denying my girlfriend’s friend to live with us?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA, but your GF is. She’s seriously inviting someone who clearly dislikes you (and disrespected you with that comment at the dinner party) to live rent free in an apartment you own without even speaking to you?? YIKES.”
“There are loads of red flags here, but what bothers me most is her inviting him to live with you without your knowledge and then leaving you after an argument that should have been a mature discussion between you both about finding a freeloader roommate for the third BR.”
“At best, she likes the attention this ‘friend’ gives her; at worst… well you already know. NTA OP and don’t let this guy move in when he already doesn’t respect you.” ~ crawledtothemoon
“If someone says ‘you could do so much better,’ they always mean themself. It is so disrespectful of GF to offer this guy the room. You can’t tell me as if she doesn’t know, that he wants her. Maybe they were fwb all the time…” ~ Acceptable-Abalone20
“I mean I’ve said this to my own GF before but that’s only because I’m insecure. To be fair, she’s done a good job of convincing me that I am a good partner and I strive to be a better one every day so.” ~ sunshadowsburn
“I suggest laying off the self deprecating. No one wants to hear their partner say that they could ‘do better,’ they are with you.”
“Focus instead on how you can be better. Instead of saying things in regards to mess-ups like ‘I’m sorry I’m such a lacking partner, you deserve better than me,’ focus on a simple apology that acknowledges that you hurt them (if you even did), and say that you want to do better/ask how to do better.”
“And if you are just saying this stuff, not in regard to messing up/hurting them… Don’t say it.”
“Those words should just leave your vocabulary entirely if you are serious and it sounds like you are. Your own self worth will improve if so, in addition to how your partner reacts to it. Self deprecation helps neither of you and just makes you both sad, which sounds unnecessary here!!”
“Very proud of you for recognizing that insecurity and working against it, I hope you two have a great week!! I offer this advice not to chide you, but because I wish my boyfriends had understood it.” ~ jooules
Some people genuinely think their friends deserve better.
“I say it to my friends when I see they’re dating a pile a shit. And I certainly don’t mean myself because I know them well enough to know we would be terrible as a couple.” ~ Silvinis
“I find ‘you can do so much better’ turning into ‘I’m broke can I live with you’ so sketchy it’s laughable.”
“Bye friend and bye girlfriend.” ~ Books-and-a-puppy
“That’s not true I’ve told friends who I’m not at all into that they can do better, including one who went for abusive guys over and over again in high school. I had no interest at all in dating her, I just wanted her to stop getting beaten by guys she was dating.”
“And I’ve been the friend whose told they can do better when no one telling me that wanted to date me, and the guy I was dating was a mess who threatened to kill himself every time I upset him.”
“Or less severe, told my then roommate she could do better than her bf because he basically was only dating her because she asked and figured he’d say sure, but actually didn’t really like her, and they were constantly fighting and her only reason not to break up with him was that she was scared she couldn’t find anyone else.” ~ AccountWasFound
OP added some edits.
“Edit: I removed the cop part of my post. It was unnecessary.”
“Edit 2: For those asking about the apartment, I put the deposit down and it’s under my name. I am renting it currently and we agreed on a fair amount for her to pay each month. It’s fairly close to about 50/50. I pay a little more since her job cut back on her hours.”
OP should have been part of the conversation.