Many times in a relationship, you or your partner will ask for a favor from the other person. It can be difficult, but relationships are about the give and take.
When is the favor too much? Redditor Rose-thorn6554 asked that when her boyfriend wanted her to do something. She tried for a bit, but it was too much for the original poster (OP) and she walked out.
Now he’s upset, and said OP was rude. OP isn’t sure and decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit the titular question about her situation.
OP asked the board:
“AITA? For leaving after my boyfriend made me sit in the kitchen by myself when his doctor friends came to visit?”
Why would he ask her to sit in the kitchen?
“Hi. This a minor conflict that me f[emale]31 and my boyfriend m[ale]33 had this week. We’ve been together for 9 months.”
“He’s a pediatrician and I have a job at an elementary school. He’s sweet and makes me feel happy whenever we’re together.”
“He was missing me lately and been wanting me to visit and he was too busy so I only got the chance to visit yesterday. We sat down in the living room in his apartment and he was about to make some coffee when the door rang 13 minutes after I arrived.”
“He went to take a look through the hole then returned and asked me to get up and follow him to the kitchen. I asked why but he didn’t say.”
“He had me enter the kitchen and said his 2 friends who are his work colleagues (doctors) came to visit and he wanted me to sit tight for few minutes til they leave. I was confused I asked why not let me just meet them and he said no not like this and asked me to not come out the kitchen til they leave then went to welcome them.”
“I sat still waiting as the time passed. They stayed for an hour and I started calling Donnie but he didn’t answer me. I felt uncomfortable and couldn’t wait anymore after I was ignored like that.”
“I just took my purse and walked out the kitchen and told Donnie that I got bored of waiting for his friends to leave then said I was leaving and walked through the door immediately feeling upset.”
“He was stunned and so were his friends. He called me later saying what I did was disrespectful and rude. He said he asked me this one favor and I didn’t do it.”
“I replied that I left because of the treatment I received no matter how much he tells me to make myself at home I was still a guest and I was made to feel like I was less than his doctor friends but he swore it wasn’t like that and that he considers himself lucky to have known me but still said what I did was not cool and leaving like that and saying what I said in front of his friends was wrong of me.”
OP came back and updated a few things in case you got the wrong idea about her relationship.
“I’m adding more information to make few things clear.
“Edit1: I already met his family and other people but none of them is in the same field he’s in. We also meet publicly”
“Edit2: He claimed that they were talking about stuff I wouldn’t understand and I’d feel awkward sitting there not knowing what they were talking about.”
“Edit3: he said I should’ve made myself busy making dinner in the kitchen instead of waiting til his friends leave since we agreed to eat dinner together but I ruined our plans.”
OP is upset and isn’t sure if she overreacted. She asked the board for judgement since they are theoretically more objective about the situation.
Commenters judge OP by including one of the following in their reply:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The commenters agreed that what the boyfriend asked was unreasonable. On top of that, it’s so weird that he didn’t want her to meet these coworkers.
There was agreement that OP was NTA, but they also found the situation weird.
“He’s either ashamed of you or he’s got a girlfriend at work. This isn’t a minor issue it’s a deal breaker. I hope he’s your ex now. NTA” – Littleballoffur22
“NTA. He is waving all the red flags and you’d be stupid to ignore them.” – gotherella27
“NTA – that’s crazy sketchy and raises so many red flags.”
“I immediately would think either they are doing something illegal, or your are probably the ‘other’ woman that he doesn’t want them to know about.”
“Either way, there is a zero percent chance that you hiding in the kitchen was innocent or nothing to worry about. He’s the one hiding something.”
“Good on you for standing up for yourself.” – dookle14
“NTA he was embarrassed of introducing you to his friends. Next time don’t tolerate that kind of treatment.”
“Either leave immediately or spring up on them in the first minute and tell them exactly what your boyfriend requested then leave.”
“Sounds so sketchy!” – hello_friendss
“NTA.”
“The only thing that might explain his behavior is that he is seeing someone else, and at least one of the visitors knows that person and might tell her about you.”
“So not only is he treating you badly when you are around, he is cheating on you when you are not.”
“Dump him. You can do better.” – ThroarkAway
OP assured that she wasn’t being kept secret from anyone else in her boyfriend’s life. But that just leads to more questions.
Why would he ask her to do this?
“I am baffled and cannot imagine why he didn’t want you to meet his friends ‘like this.’ What precisely was the issue? Why was he so insistent that they not know you exist or meet them ‘like this?’ (Whatever that means.) That sounds very sketchy to me.”
“On top of that, why did he make you wait for an hour in a boring kitchen on one of the rare few occasions you could visit? It sounds like he didn’t miss you, at all. If they were coming over and he didn’t want them to meet you, then why did he invite you over?”
“‘Disrespectful’ is hiding your partner away from your friends. If he’s so ‘lucky’ to know you, why is he not letting his friends know you too? NTA. This behavior is ridiculous.”
“Ask him why he needed to hide someone he supposedly loves, and maybe rethink your choices going forward with him. I would never deal with a partner making me hide after inviting me over.” – GlowingLimes
It’s hard to just give the advice for someone to break up with their partner, but at minimum, this sounds sketchy. If he doesn’t have a good explanation, it’s not worth it to continue.
There’s plenty of people out there who won’t do this to you.