Everyone has had the experience of having to listen to an inappropriate joke. But some jokes are so inappropriate they cross way, way over a line.
A woman on Reddit found herself dealing with the latter situation when her parademic boyfriend told a truly appalling story from her job as if it was a funny anecdote.
He got angry when she didn't laugh, so she wasn't sure about how she'd handled things. So she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by adventurous_or_bored on the site, asked:
"AITA for reacting with disgust to my boyfriend sharing an experience he had as a paramedic?"
She explained:
"Hi, I am 23f dating a 33m. I'm feeling super conflicted right now after my boyfriend just shared a story with me about an experience he had while working as a paramedic."
"Basically, he told me this with the preface that it was a funny but extremely messed up story. He has a twisted sense of humor and his partner at work does, too… but I felt this was too far."
"On to the story: he arrived on scene of a 25 year old dead girl who had drowned and part of his job is to pronounce people dead and obtain a time of death. His partner and he unzipped the mesh bag that her body was in, and his partner said 'turn her over. I wanna see that ass. Did you see the way her back was arched when she was laying flat?'"
"My boyfriend proceeded to flip her over to see her ass (she wasn't naked, but wearing a bikini), and then flip her back and put her back in the bag. The police officers on the scene looked at them in disgust."
"My boyfriend expected me to laugh, but I think this is too far, and violative, and frankly a little gross. He says it's not that serious and regrets sharing it with me.
"AITA?"
Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
As you might guess, the Redditors were appalled by this story and firmly on OP's side.
"NTA"
"If I were in your shoes, I'd break up with him because there's no way I'd be able to look at him the same way. I'd probably go a step further and report them."
"It's creepy that your boyfriend and his partner sexualized the corpse of a girl who tragically lost her life. It's so disgusting and so disrespectful. It makes me wonder if they do the same with live unconscious people."
"They shouldn't be allowed to work with vulnerable people or anyone for that matter. So gross." --SnooTomatoes6167
"Honestly, I'm 100% for reporting him and his trash partner. I feel like anyone who can do that to a girl who just drowned in front of a group of cops is going to do a hell of a lot worse behind closed doors." --no_rxn
"Also, if this is the story he shares for a laugh with his girlfriend that paints a pretty damning picture of the things he might say or think in private or with his buddies." --TheRulerT
"There's a line between gallows humor and straight up predatory behavior and this dude leapt across it with this little stunt. So gross even the cops thought he went too far."
"This is definitely an instant dump." --DiTrastevere
"This is creepy and disrespectful behaviour and it really shows his character. I would end the relationship. NTA." --VegetableCulture126
"It's also creepy that a 33 year-old is dating a 23 year-old."
"INB4 'eh, ten years isn't that bad, when my mom and dad got together-' no, ten years is a big gap with those ages. I'm 32, and there's no way I'd wanna date someone in their early 20's, and I can't think of a good reason someone in their 30's would wanna spend a lot of time with the person I was at 23."
"And okay, hypothetically, maybe that gap can work if the older partner is extremely empathetic and compassionate and has a good sense of boundaries, but he obviously does not."
"He sexualized a fresh corpse and passes it off like a funny anecdote rather than a dark secret from his past. I'd be worried he's developed other concerning coping mechanisms to deal with the stress of this job. OP, RUN from this man." --VisualCelery
"The best part about it for me is that the BF included the part where the responding cops on the scene didn't find it funny either. He already got feedback on the awful joke about the dead girl and couldn't take the hint." --Jesoko
"Honestly, AITA surprises me sometimes but this is a level of depraved that would seriously freak me out. They thought it was FUNNY to sexualize a woman who had died tragically, and the implied necrophilia… Jesus fu*king Christ. Id break up with him and report him and his partner, in that order." --orangeandpinwheel
"...First of all: NTA. Not at all."
"OP, I'm a former nurse and I'm in medschool (in 5th year out of 6, in Europe) right now. I'd say my sense of humour is quite messed up. I believe most of people working in medicine have a very unique sense of humour."
"Not because we find it funny when something bad happens, but because sometime it helps us getting through the day. But one thing is to make jokes, speaking them out loud. Another thing is to actually do something to a patient or someone."
"This girl's corpse's still a patient and is still a human being. One thing that we learn working in medicine is that human beings still have the right of human dignity after death. And by doing what he did he actually lost all respect for this poor girl."
"He took away her dignity. And that's 100% not okay. If someone told me something like this, I'd not only look disgusted and speak up, I'd report this person."
"Also: maybe, by turning over her body, he erased some evidence, like a hair somewhere on her body. This guy definitely shouldn't be working as a paramedic. This guy is a perv who should rethink his life choices."
"I'm disgusted and I'm mad for this poor girl who not only lost her life, but her dignity. It was taken away from her from the person who should have protected it the most. Please overthink this relationship. Your bf had no right to do what he did and he has no respect for others." --babsibu
Here's hoping OP finds a different boyfriend, and fast.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.