When building a relationship with someone, there’s often a lot you will do for them. But is there a limit you set you wouldn’t budge no matter the reason?
When Redditor beachbuminmiddleeast set ground rules for his girlfriend and her daughter living with him, it was unlikely he expected them to be broken. But when a future child became involved, a lot of things changed.
The original poster (OP) took his story to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to figure out if he acted like a jerk.
He asked:
“AITA For kicking my girlfriend and her daughter out?”
This was what happened between them:
“My 46(m [male]) girlfriend 39(f [female]) May and I have been together for about three years. I have a daughter that is 15(f) that I split custody with while May has a 21(f) daughter of her own, Alice.”
“May was on the verge of losing her home roughly a year ago, and asked to stay with me, and I obliged and May moved in. Around four months after that Alice had to leave school after she failed to improve her grades while on academic probation, and asked for a room until she could get on her feet.”
“I wasn’t thrilled but at the time I saw a future with her mom and gave some rules and a deadline. Everyone agreed.”
“Roughly four months ago Alice approached May and I telling us she was pregnant. I was shocked and her mother was… well emotional.”
“After the dust settled I explained to May and Alice I didn’t want a baby in the home. I told Alice she broke the deal and she needs to relocate.”
“She and May weren’t happy, but I told them there wasn’t a compromise to be made as it’s a living breathing child, and I wasn’t interested in being around that at my age. She asked for 40 days and I agreed.. actually I offered 60 but it wasn’t necessary.”
“This past Friday my daughter, her cousins, and my sister were going down to my beach home for a long weekend and when they get there the place is obviously being livid in. It wasn’t a wreck or anything but it was dirty, tv was on, trash was 1/2 full, and there was food in the fridge.”
“I had them call the police who searched the place only for Alice to show up.”
“Yeah, Alice was living there. Uninvited, but she had a key profited by her mother. I confronted May who apologized and justified her behavior with Alice being her daughter who was carrying her grandchild.”
“I called my sister and had her take Alice to dinner while I had nephew change the locks and tossing Alice stuff outside. All she had was clothes so nothing was damaged.”
“I told my Now ex girlfriend she needed to go get Alice before I pressed charges, not even sure I could to be honest, but she left immediately to go get her while Alice discovered she was homeless.”
“While May was on the way there I let her know we were done and she wasn’t welcome back here. I gathered her property and tossed it out. May called the police but she can’t afford a lawyer to fight the eviction so it was all for nothing.”
“AITA for doing this?”
“I feel they did this to themselves and are rotten for their actions.”
On the AITA board, you tell your story and what you did, and the internet judges you for your actions.
This is done with one of the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While there was some disagreement, the final decision on the board was that OP was well within his rights to evict them since Alice was living there without permission, and May helped her do so.
He was voted NTA.
“NTA-You made clear conditions and have every right to not want a baby in your home. Using your beach home was the last straw.” – GothPenguin
“NTA. It’s still breaking and entering if the offender has a key, if Alice wasn’t invited to stay there, she had no right to be there. May should be lucky that YOU didn’t press charges on her and her daughter, did she think that Alice would live in the beach house undetected forever?”
“Was may ever going to tell you her daughter was there? May and her daughter took advantage of your kindness and broke your trust, I’m glad you broke up with her and kicked them both to the curb.” – BlackberryBeetle
“NTA”
“Who in their right mind decieds to have a baby without a stable living situation in the middle of a pandemic? Where’s the baby daddy?”
“No, you absolutely do not owe these people anything. They made their bed and now has to lie in it” – awkardfrog
However, the whole situation didn’t sit right with everyone.
A lot of people had other thoughts and emotions on the situation. Sure, May and Alice shouldn’t have used the beach house without permission, but they seemed desperate to protect the future baby. Not to mention OP just tossing out his girlfriend without any warning.
Some felt OP’s actions, at best, made him just as bad as May and Alice.
“Again the grain but ESH. Throwing your gf out without notice is a dick move. However, secretly having your daughter living in your bfs place is also a dick move.” – Impressive-Werewolf8
“I can’t believe everyone saying NTA… The dude is doing illegal evictions, throwing people’s stuff out the window, and leaving his girlfriend of 3 years homeless with no notice…”
“ESH but I think he is the bigger a**hole here” – UnDosTresPescao
“How he broke up with his girlfriend though is pretty sh**ty in my opinion. He didn’t break up in person after 3 years or give her the opportunity to pack her own stuff but called her and threw her belongings out of the door.”
“What she did was dishonest and sh**ty but given the circumstances I see how she’d have limited options.”
“imo ESH here, none of these people know how to communicate.”
“It seems that loads of people don’t understand that throwing your live-in spouse out on the street with no notice is wrong and possibly illegal.” – ImFinePleaseThanks
“ESH Yes they were a**hole and so were you. Yes, being pregnant doesn’t make you above everything, unless it’s your precious daughter and the roles were reversed.”
“You’d be doing anything in your power to protect your daughter and make sure she doesn’t end up on the streets in the middle of a pandemic.”
“Still doesn’t excuse what they did, but things aren’t always as simple.”
“Also, you talk like not taking them to court makes you some kind of Benevolent God that deserves to be worshiped. You took advantage of the fact that your ex-gf didn’t have money to fight the illegal eviction.”
“You’re not guilt free and you are an a**hole and not a good person.” – Tekasteka
Regardless of the debate, OP pushed forward with the eviction.
He even went a step further and decided to press criminal charges.
He updated saying:
“After reading through the comments and thinking on it all, I’ve decide to go ahead and press charges on both Alice and May. A lot of people here don’t seem to understand or care about breaking and entering which seems crazy to me however these two need to learn they can’t just do as they please.”
“Thanks to everyone for your advice and help.”
“Final update:”
“Spoke to the local police earlier and my attorney.”
“My attorney will be contacting the local DA regarding the case as I feel it ties to local safety and people in the community deserve to have peace of mind. I was assured charges would be taken seriously.”
“The police took my statement and all the evidence I brought forth. It’s now out of my hands, and these two are facing several crimes two of which are serious.”
“Thanks for your time.”
Whether or not you think OP is TA in this situation is dependent on whether you see it as him punishing criminals or pursuing cruel recourse on two people already punished by losing their home.