It’s been said that gifts are about giving, not receiving.
The joy of giving is what it’s all about.
But many people have restrictions on the receiving end.
When a shopper runs into restrictions, it can make the whole process a bit more difficult.
The most difficult can often be given to family.
Case in point…
Redditor Cheap_Wrap_4136 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my DIL I am done and I will not be getting anything for her family?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I can’t believe I have to say this, Redditors. Not everyone lives near a huge shopping area.”
“I don’t even know where the nearest Target is because it’s not close.”
“Sometimes your options get real small, real quick with physical shopping.”
“I am so tired of this, my D[aughter] I[n] L[aw] is extremely picky about what goes into her home.”
“It has to follow all of her rules.”
“Can’t be from a company she doesn’t support, basically no plastic, no over-stimulating colors, no small pieces, no large toys since they take up too much space.”
“I have tried time after time to get her something she will like. I have asked for lists, but I never get any.”
“I thought for my granddaughter’s birthday (4 F[emale]) a few months ago I found the perfect wood train set.”
“Apparently not, it was too loud for them to play with.”
“I tried to get her a nice knife set, no, didn’t support the company.”
“I don’t even know what was wrong with the company (Pioneer Women Knives).”
“It was a decent set, not super high-end.”
“I reached my limit today, I got my granddaughter her own stuff for her Christmas trees in her room.”
“I had permission to do this.”
“We went shopping and she picked out her own light and ornaments.”
“I bought what she wanted, and it got set up.”
“Well she saw the tree and was pissed, too much plastic on the tree.”
“THEY ARE ORNAMENTS!!”
“I wasn’t buying glass ones the kid could break.”
“I told her I was done; I am not getting any gifts for the family because she is impossible.”
“She called me a jerk, and I just need to work harder.”
“My son is mad at me for arguing with his wife.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Stop trying to please someone who can’t be pleased.”
“Give your granddaughter a gift card to a store she likes and be done with it.”
“Your son and D[aughter]-I[n]-L[aw] are rude, ungrateful, and have unrealistic expectations.”
“I would have started to give them the same treatment you receive and criticize every gift they give.” ~ Heloise_Morris
“The DIL sounds like an ultra crunchy person who won’t trust ‘silky’ people no matter what when it comes to material goods.”
“My guess would be that she won’t make a wishlist because she doesn’t trust anyone but herself to get it exactly right.”
“I can fully understand the DIL not wanting to receive products from companies she doesn’t want to support; I avoid certain brands, too.”
“But to withhold info on what would be a good/appreciated gift despite the OP requesting lists to make sure she gets it right… that’s a big issue.”
“As is ‘no over-stimulating colors’, like… that always makes me sad for the kids.” ~ SoleofOrion
“We had pretty specific ideas of what we wanted our kids to be exposed to when they were little—very little plastic, not a lot of sounds/moving parts, lots of open-ended play items, natural materials, etc.”
“And when someone gave us something we wouldn’t have bought ourselves… we said thank you.”
“The giant container of plastic animals coexisted very nicely with the (secondhand; that sh*t’s expensive) wooden Waldorf-style ones we got them.”
“The relationships with the people in our lives are far more important than our attachment to our ideas about ‘stuff.'” ~ Sea_Breath_8393
“ESH to everyone that upvoted this comment.”
“I think that there’s a lot of info missing from the OP, especially in regard to your son’s feelings on the matter and the other companies you are buying from.”
“Sorry, but if someone got me a gift from hobby lobby, Chick-fil-A, or a knife company owned by a racist family that screwed over Indigenous people or found the idea of doing so funny.”
“I would feel a certain type of way.” ~ Ambitious_Cost_3115
“Right, so would I, but I wouldn’t also expect or anticipate everyone to be up to speed on all the harms of all the companies.”
“Not everyone is and when you are and your M[other] I[n] L[aw] keeps asking for ideas that meet your desired needs but you do not provide them and then complain only, that is a jerk move and gets pretty tiresome for the folks who are trying but failing.”
“OP is frustrated and rightfully so.”
“How hard is it to provide a list or a couple of acceptable ideas?”
“Both DIL and her son are leaving her in a ‘set up to fail’ scenario.”
“Also, OP was being obviously facetious with her comment. In on the joke type of ‘thanks for the laugh’ thing.”
“I can easily find something significantly wrong with all companies.”
“It’s not the obligation of those around me to read my mind and decipher which ones are major faux-pas vs ok for me or my children.” ~ makeitmakesense2023
“I agree with part of your comment – this is not the issue to be petty over, and supporting awful companies out of spite is ridiculous and reprehensible.”
“However, I disagree that OP must automatically be covering something up.”
“OP has asked for guidance (lists of approved gifts or companies), but DIL refuses to comply and blames OP for not trying hard enough.”
“Her son could also step in and help his mum get wife-approved gifts, but he doesn’t do that.”
“He just gets mad at his mum for arguing with his wife (which sounds like all he cares about is not having to deal with anything at all, including ethical purchasing and an angry wife).”
“It is admirable that DIL wants to pursue and encourage ethical and environmentally conscious consumer behavior – we need more people to care this much!”
“But all this drama could have so easily been avoided if DIL hadn’t deliberately made this as hard as possible for OP.”
“Just provide a freaking wish list!” ~ Ok-Map-6599
“Send a donation to a charity in the family’s honor and deposit it into a savings account for your grandchild(ren).”
“That way your DIL has nothing physical to complain about- because gift giving isn’t a scavenger hunt. NTA.” ~ Rude_Vermicelli2268
“Put what you’d spend on a gift in an account.”
“Send a card with $5.”
“When she’s 18 and ready for higher learning or other things 18-year-olds need to give it to her.”
“Or teach her how to invest.”
“NTA. I’m as hippie as it gets, and this is just insufferable.” ~ Specialist-Ad5796
“Instead of buying gifts for anyone, start putting your budgeted gift money into some kind of savings just for the grandkids.”
“They will probably want to leave home the minute they graduate from high school and you’ll have a nice nest egg to start them off with.” ~ PurpleGreyPunk
“NTA. She can’t impose so many restrictions and then not provide ideas for things she deems suitable.”
“She sounds extremely difficult to want to interact with.” ~ HeirOfRavenclaw
“Exactly. I think it’s okay for people to be specific about what comes into their home.”
“I live in a small space, I’m fairly environmentally conscious, I really don’t want a bunch of plastic either.”
“My family is similarly picky, though in different ways. If you’re going to be that picky, you should either have a helpful list or not expect anything.”
“My family eventually just stopped doing Christmas gifts because we realized we were so picky because we didn’t actually need anything!”
“So now it’s about time together instead.” ~ Ambystomatigrinum
“NTA. I share many of your daughter-in-law’s views, but I don’t expect others to read my mind.”
“I ask people to please not buy me objects as I prefer not to contribute to landfills.”
“The problem with your daughter-in-law is that she is imposing her views and tastes on her children.”
“I also dislike bright colors and loud noises, but when one chooses to have children, one must prioritize their happiness over one’s own.”
“Many children love bright colors and noise.” ~ maccrogenoff
“NAH. I think she’s borderline for sure, but I don’t know. I can understand not liking plastic and pioneer women.”
“Could you just get experiences as gifts?”
“I know a lot of newer parents who prefer that.”
“Or put the money aside for the kid for collage and just make them cookies or something for the time being.”
“I hate she’s complaining about a toy being too loud.”
“They are kids, you tend to get stuck listening to the same thing g over and over but that’s what they like.”
“My toddler has a book that reads to him, but he restarts it every two seconds.”
“I’ve developed an eye twitch, but I’m not gonna let him play with nothing.” ~ Banditsmisfits
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Your son may need to have a serious chat with his wife about the gift of simply giving.
You had no malicious intent. That should count for something.
Hopefully, y’all can make this work for the holidays.
Good luck.