Life can get very complicated and busy very fast.
That’s why not everyone can make it to every plan that’s made.
But there are certain occasions and situations where a little extra effort maybe required and expected.
Case in point…
Redditor SotoSar wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA because I (57 F[emale]) haven’t met my grandson (3 months) yet?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (57 F) oldest son Justin (33 M[ale]) just had a baby boy on November 30 last year.”
“Justin and his wife live an hour drive away.”
“However I don’t drive or have a car therefore if I took public transportation it would take upwards of 2 hours and a half to see them.”
“Due to them living so far, me being busy with work and the cold winter weather I haven’t made my way out to see the baby.”
“I did host a Christmas dinner at a restaurant on December 16th for all my kids in which Justin and his wife said they would try their best to come with the baby.”
“However they did say it’s not guaranteed depending on how hectic it would be for them with a toddler and newborn.”
“They ended up not coming to the dinner and told everyone their doors are open for visitors during the holidays.”
“None of us visited as we were busy, and the commute was too far.”
“I feel like I’ve done my part to see the baby with the dinner plans; however, it just didn’t work out.”
“Last week, I received a call from Justin to come to meet the baby and see my granddaughter.”
“I told him I had Valentine’s dinner plans with my boyfriend and can’t come.”
“I could tell he was annoyed on the phone.”
“I really want to meet my grandson; however, things just haven’t worked out.”
“I do try to video chat to see their kids once every few months as Justin has made it clear in the past when they haven’t heard from me in over eight months that I need to make an effort.”
“Life just gets in the way.”
“I’ve noticed Justin’s wife stopped sending me pictures of the kids, nor does she engage with me about anything.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA, 2 hours away by public transit, is not far to see your literal grandchild. They’re not asking you to do it every weekend but not even once?!”
“Also, you did your part by inviting a couple with a newborn to go to a restaurant during a pandemic and during cold flu whooping cough season.” ~ Fainora
“I flew to another state to meet my new niece and did the same for my nephew.”
“Each was a few months old because my niece was born during Covid, and the parents were too exhausted to have someone come visit right after (they are both 40, so it’s extra tough).”
“Hours of waiting, the flight, the taxi ride out of the city- yeah, two hours on public transport really isn’t a big deal.”
“OP could even stay the night and go back the next day if the trip is hard on them. I just don’t get it.” ~ EmiIIien
“My grandmother is JUST like OP.”
“Lived about an hour’s drive from me and my parents when I was a little kid.”
“Didn’t drive and never ONCE made the effort to take the train (she lived less than a block away from a train station) to visit.”
“Made zero effort to be involved in my childhood. I haven’t called or visited her in about five years and have no intention of doing so.”
“OP’s hurting her relationship with her grandkids if she doesn’t start doing better SOON.” ~ Idoarchaeologystuff
“This hits hard for me because it was MY mother’s young bf that was the last straw for me too.”
“After MONTHS of trying to get her to come to visit me and her grandchildren, the eldest she had seen three times TOTAL in person, my youngest she hasn’t even met yet.”
“But it was constantly falling through or just not being planned after talking about it.”
“Then I see her post on F[ace]B[ook] about how she just bailed her bf out in a city that was FARTHER than the one I live in.”
“I haven’t spoken to her in a good three years now.”
“Priorities, right?” ~ Mental-Woodpecker300
“Her plans with her bf for one event.”
“That’s what’s getting me – one dinner means multiple FULL weekends need to be blacked out??”
“She can’t go out Saturday night and visit on Sunday?”
“Or hell, get an early start Saturday and end the visit in time for dinner?”
“Maybe B[oy]F[riend] can meet her in son’s town and then drive her home?”
“I’ve thought of so many solutions!”
“If OP isn’t interested in the babies, she just needs to be straightforward about it.”
“There’s not really anything wrong with not being interested in kids once your kids are done being raised.”
“I could get into a whole spiel about the tragedy of folks who had kids because it was the thing to do and how great it is that not having kids is becoming more accepted as an option nowadays.”
“But just be clear.” ~ AinsiSera
“The real kickers for me were the ‘I’ve done my part’ thing, and the ‘life gets in the way.'”
“You have literally zero f**ks to give as a grandparent if you can’t figure out how to carve out 15 minutes every week, much less over eight months, to video chat your grandchild.”
“YTA. Bigly.” ~ ru2theD
“I was on her side until I heard how CLOSE she really is.”
“It took some of my family years to meet my son because we live on the other side of the U[nited] S[tates] from them.”
“Completely different coasts.”
“She may not drive, but I’m willing to bet her BF does.”
“Also, eight months without speaking to your children and grandchildren is wild.”
“I’m willing to bet OP is one of those moms who are ‘done at 18’ YTA OP.” ~ Fabulous-Fun-9673
“For real. My mother is a tax preparer, so you can imagine it is very busy for her right now (80-plus hour weeks at the moment).”
“However, my mom insisted that we don’t put my daughter in full-day daycare on the two half-day breaks she has during the week so she can spend time with her.”
“I would totally understand her not wanting to do that during this time period, but she cares so much that she’ll sacrifice her time in order to do so.”
“That is what actually caring enough to see your grandchild looks like.” ~ Key_Break_9312
OP came back with some details.
“I just want to clarify that my boyfriend is my partner of over five years, and we live together, so it’s not a random relationship that a lot of people are implying.”
“We are also not hoarders.”
“We also live (48 miles) away.”
“I can’t rent a car because I don’t have a license.”
“My boyfriend does not own a car.”
“We live in a transit-accessible city.”
“I have made an effort, maybe I need to try harder, but I have made an effort!”
“Last year, I made the trip by myself to see my granddaughter in May.”
“I’ve shown up to my granddaughter’s birthday in July and even went to the baby shower at end of August.”
“I even hosted a dinner near my apartment at a restaurant for Thanksgiving which was the last time we saw them, as the Christmas dinner was a no-go for them.”
Reddit continued to weigh in.
“I live outside NYC and commute upwards of 2-4hrs by public transportation EVERY SINGLE DAY.”
“If I have an Eastside gig on a weekend when there’s no express, it can take more than 2 hours one way if traffic is bad.”
“And I don’t have my newborn grandchild waiting for me, just a bunch of professional alcoholic coworkers. YTA.” ~ shiva14b
“My mother FaceTimes me every night to talk to my 2-year-old.”
“He was born in 2020, and my parents self-isolated for an entire month prior to his birth. That way, they could drive 9 hours to see him.”
“They had 3 at-home Covid tests and two pharmacy tests each, proving they were negative for Covid (all their idea.)”
‘They made and still make an effort to be a part of my son’s life.”
“Distance didn’t matter when it comes to my parents being a part of my kid’s life.”
“OP YTA, this whole post just helps prove it.” ~ CaseusJack
“YTA. First, the dinner was two weeks after the baby was born?”
“A newborn that young doesn’t have an immune system and shouldn’t be around a whole bunch of people.”
“Also, the mom is still recovering from giving birth.”
“Second, ONE attempt in three months from you IS NOT a fair effort to see your grandson.”
“If you really wanted to meet him, you’d make it happen.” ~ CaptainMalForever
“OK, RIGHT?!”
“Hosting a group dinner at a restaurant where you expect them to bring a toddler and a newborn to meet you is the opposite of effort.”
“Frankly, it’s insulting.”
“You don’t have to care about your kids or grandkids.”
“But don’t try and pass this crap off as effort.”
“You don’t care to make the trip to meet the baby, and it shows.”
“You haven’t explained any legitimate barriers to going.”
“Just that you’re busy.”
“Which just means that everything else in your life right now is a greater priority to you. YTA.” ~ nonbinaryn00dle
OP, Reddit seems to have a few issues with your choices.
It’s your life. You get to choose how you spend your time.
But choices come with consequences. In this case, very serious ones.
Hopefully, you can all get past this and celebrate a new chapter with the little bundle.