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Groom Balks After Fiancée Insists He Not Wear Necklace To Honor Late Brother During Wedding

Man wearing necklace

Weddings can bring out the worst in people. The term “bridezilla” exists for a reason, after all.

Redditor necklaceaita had a request for their fiancé that caused them to turn to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.

They asked:

“AITA for asking my fiancé to not wear his brother’s necklace on our wedding day?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained their dilemma.

Note: me and my fiancé get along really well with everything else, but we’ve just had a disagreement with this.”

“He wears his late brother’s wedding ring on his right hand, and his brother’s necklace.”

“I can get behind the ring because you don’t really notice it as much, but the necklace is more noticeable. It has his brother’s, brother’s wife and their daughter’s initials engraved on it.”

“I asked him if he’d take off the necklace just for our wedding day. I also have a necklace I got as gift from my mom that I’m not wearing on the day because it doesn’t go with my dress.”

“It’s just one day and he can wear the ring if he wants.”

“My fiance refused and said it’s his brother’s and he’s going to wear it.”

A fellow Redditor’s comment provided some pertinent details to the OP’s story.

“massive YTA to OP for not mentioning in the post that her fiance’s brother’s wife & daughter are all dead.”

“Edit to correct that OP didn’t mention the SIL and niece died in the original post and I had to hunt for her comments for the tidbit about how they all died.” – RndmIntrntStranger

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was the a**hole.

“N-T-A for asking but YTA for not accepting his answer.”

“It’s the only way his brother will be in the wedding photos. Let him have this.”

“Furthermore, if your mother’s gift was important emotionally, you should have picked a dress that did go with it.”

“I am sure you are delightful in real life, but to say no to those two necklaces because of an aesthetic would be heartless and shallow.”

“EDIT apparently all three died. I guess you left that “detail” out so as not be such an obvious, unmitigated asshole.”

“I would not bet a brass farthing that this wedding will go ahead unless you do some serious back tracking.” – [deleted]

“Honestly she’s TA for even asking. Think of the context.”

“Her asking is because she feels her aesthetic vision is more important than his memento to his dead brother.”

“Also, unless I’m misunderstanding is his entire brothers family dead? I can’t imagine the pain of losing just a close sibling… What a heartless request.” – Expensive-Safe-5216

“I say YTA for asking as well.”

“Anyone with an ounce of awareness would have considered that this was his way of keeping his late brother and family close on one of the most important days of his life.”

“OP either didn’t consider that or considered it and didn’t care. Either way, she’s the AH for asking and then again for not taking his response.” – majesticgoatsparkles

OP doesn’t specify if the necklace from her mom is something she wears daily. If it isn’t, the necklaces are apples and oranges.”

“Pro-Tip: When a conflict comes up because someone cares about something you don’t, the mere absence of an equivalency in your life is not grounds for invalidating someone else’s feelings.”


“‘N-T-A for asking but YTA for not accepting his answer.’”

“100% this. I think it’s okay to have a conversation about it, but if he “refused” to take it off, OP needs to now support & respect that.”

“The reply adding that all of them have passed away absolutely makes this an easier judgement.”

“OP’s fiancé clearly lost his brother & the brother’s entire family in some tragic way; it’s extremely understandable the fiancé would want to keep them close to his heart on a special day where they would otherwise have been there with him in person.”

“This isn’t about aesthetics. It’s about family. I lost my Dad before I got married, so I completely sympathize with the fiancé.”

“I made a bracelet with charms that reminded me of Dad and a small photo of him to wear on my ankle so we’d “walk” together; sadly it broke day-of, but I was still able to take the photo charm off and tuck it into my outfit.”

“I chose my aisle music based on a connection to him, too. So, I’ll always know I kept his spirit alive with me even though he couldn’t physically walk with me.”

“OP’s fiancé will similarly know his brother & family are there in spirit, carried near his heart on that necklace.”

“I’m sad that OP is so focused on how it looks, that she isn’t seeing the beauty in that gesture and love being part of their day. I hope OP reconsiders and makes peace with this.” – MissyBee37

“I just went and read all of her comments. I’ve seen some obvious a**holes on this sub, but this OP takes the prize for most obvious and most heartless.”

“I hope the groom sees this for the giant marinara flag that it is and nopes the hell out. Oh, and let me toss my YTA on the heap before I go.” – pagan_peace_freak

“YTA. My goodness, if it were my fiancé I’d make sure he wore it so he could have as much of his brother with him as possible on such an important day.”

“Focus on your marriage, not your wedding.” – SlideItIn100

Agreed, and also, it’s not just OP’s wedding, it’s his as well.”

“It’s not all about OP, it’s about BOTH of them. Fiancé wants to honor his late brother, late SIL, and late niece.”

“YTA just for not letting him have ONE thing that means a lot to him to begin with.” – Beneficial_Affect522

Why do you care if he wears the necklace? I’m assuming he would be wearing the necklace underneath his dress shirt and it will not be visible much anyways.”

“You should be happy that you’re marrying someone who loves his late brother and wants to honor him. Aesthetics are less important.”

“YTA.” – carnival345

“YTA. This obviously means a great deal to him and they can’t be there in person.”

“It was ok to ask him, but he said no…leave it alone.”

“You’re focusing more on image and aesthetics than the true meaning of it and why he wears it.”

“Why does it bother you so much that his SIL and daughters initials are engraved on it for your wedding?” – jacksonlove3

“YTA. THEY ARE ALL DEAD. DEAD. Do you know what that means??? He will NEVER see those people that he loves again.”

“They’re sentimental to him. If you care about him, drop it.” – emaandee96

Please, OP, don’t marry him. He doesn’t deserve you.”

“He deserves someone who isn’t insecure about his dead brother and his dead brother’s family, loving man that he is.”

“YTA.” – ugsekaybat

YTA. My boyfriend has a necklace that an ex-girlfriend gave him during their relationship.”

“He and I have been together nearly 8 years so their relationship is long over. He likes the necklace and wears it everyday.”

“One day it got caught on something and the link attached to the clasp pulled open. He got the necklace but the clasp came off and he couldn’t find it.”

“Since he couldn’t wear it he left it on the bathroom sink. So the next day while he was at work I got an extra clasp from my jewelry box and repaired it for him.”

“Because I love him and it’s something that is important to him.”

“Love is not petty, it’s not selfish. I have no reason to feel threatened by a necklace, and you shouldn’t either.” – MrsDirtbag

“YTA. You really need to drop this. More than that, you need to understand that you even wanting him not to wear it is messed up.”

“I am having a hard time fathoming why this would even be an issue for you.”

“If I was getting married and my fiancé wanted to wear something (that they normally wear anyway) to remember their deceased family, I’d be all for it, I couldn’t imagine not wanting them to wear it.”

“A wedding is when your FAMILY and friends gather to participate in your getting joined with each other.”

“This is what he has left of a portion of his family, and wanting him to just leave that out because of….I really don’t understand why….is extremely troublesome.” – HHHHHHHHHHHHAppy

“YTA. As someone with a dead brother, I promise you it’s not a competition.”

“No need to be jealous of a dead person. They’re ALWAYS going to hold a special place in our hearts.”

“We were with them their whole life but they were with us only a short portion of ours.”

“You’re coming off as shallow for caring about the looks and based off your responses to comments, jealous that someone else means so much to him” – lolly15703

Hopefully the OP can find a way to truly support their partner, even if that means cancelling the wedding.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)