Weddings are exciting occasions but full of planng decisions and potential stress and frustration.
That might include whether or not to invite someone, or when to have the wedding.
But these decisions, of course, have consequences, reminded the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Haunting_Question329 found himself choosing the date for his wedding based on the availability of two very important people in his life.
But when he received criticism, the Original Poster (OP) questioned if he made the right choice.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for getting mad at my pregnant sister for not being excited for my wedding because I didn’t choose a date she wanted me to?”
The OP had to make a tough planning decision for his wedding.
“I’m (27 [Male]) getting married later this year.”
“Earlier this year when I finalized the wedding date, my sister asked me if I could move the date forward because she would be 39 weeks pregnant and she wouldn’t be able to risk attending the wedding.”
“That wasn’t possible, because my best friend who lives out of the country was only free during those days, or he wouldn’t make it.”
“So I refused and she said she was fine with it.”
“She and I were close, so I was bummed, but it was whatever.”
Since then, the OP’s sister didn’t seem excited anymore.
“Now, I’m planning my wedding with my fiancée, but the thing is, my sister doesn’t even show a little bit of excitement about it.”
“She doesn’t even look happy about it and doesn’t take interest when I ask her for her opinions.”
“So, I snapped and told her she could at least be happy for me if she isn’t attending the wedding.”
“She said she doesn’t see why she should be interested, she is happy for me and my fiancée, but I can’t expect her to show excitement about a wedding she isn’t even attending.”
“So, I told her it was her choice.”
“She replied she has a good excuse not to attend, because I could’ve moved the wedding ahead a bit, especially when the bride had no problem with it, but I didn’t, so now I don’t get to be mad.”
“I was shocked by how bitter she was. I didn’t expect her to hold a grudge.”
“She knows how close my best friend and I are.”
The OP’s fiancée didn’t agree.
“I vented to my fiancée about the whole thing, but she told me I’m TA here, and I need to cut my sister some slack, because she’s pregnant and I did choose my best friend over her.”
“Now I don’t have any right to be mad.”
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP’s sister was not obligated to be excited.
“YTA. No one cares about your wedding like you do. Expecting your sister who herself has a major life changing thing going on to be excited for your wedding when you didn’t even make an effort to set a date that could be convenient for her is not it. It seems like your sister didn’t even say anything to you until you snapped at her. Your fiancée is right.” – sabrinacross
“People make choices, but making that choice and then expecting sister to be all into planning and talking about an event where her inclusion was deemed less important is oblivious.” – heyelander
“OP has the right to pick his friend over his sister but his sister also has the right to not be enthusiastic about a wedding that, by OP’s choosing, she can’t attend.” – thistleandpeony
“The sad thing is that I bet she really wants to go, as he says they are (or at least were) close.”
“I’d be pretty bummed being asked to help plan it when the only reason I wouldn’t be attending is because he could have moved it but didn’t.”
“I understand that he wants his best friend there, but for a wedding, I’d certainly do everything I could to try to find a time that would work for two people that I love.”
“I bet he’s showing no interest in her baby either. Not that he needs to, but since he demands excitement from her over his wedding, it’s only fair to show some reciprocal interest.” – nightforday
Others were miffed by variant aspects of the OP’s reaction.
“It wasn’t even the decision that did it for me, it was when even his d**n fiancée tells him he’s being an a** and his first impulse is to go on here hoping random internet strangers would disagree WITH THE WOMAN HE WANTS TO MARRY, and somehow that would validate his actions.”
“Hope she isn’t the type to hold a grudge, because you best believe this is gonna come up in future arguments.” – Mindshattered
“Colossal YTA for holding your wedding during the period when your sister might give birth beacuse you’re also very likely depriving her of the comfort of her mother during one of the most difficult experiences she will have.”
“I had my mom there for the birth of my first child (she died before my second) and it made such a big difference to me. Many woman like having their mother there. In my entire life that was the time I needed my mother most.”
“. . . But I imagine you expect your mom to go to your wedding instead, right?” – TheHatOnTheCat
“I, being a grandmother, would have to say I’d probably leave my son’s wedding to be at the birth of my grandchild.”
“The bride and groom can choose any date the majority of the time, and the date isn’t being not moved because they can’t, it’s not being moved because the best friend is most important here.”
“So this grandmother would absolutely not attend if the birth took place on the same date. Or if I had to travel to be where the baby is.”
“If some thinks that picking children, I’m sorry but NOTHING would have stopped me from attending the birth of my grandchild (unless I had no choice like during the pandemic).” – bamagurl06
“YTA big time, and you owe your sister such a huge apology, but I have no idea how you can actually fix this situation you put yourself and your relationship with your sister in.”
“Honestly, if I was your fiancée, I would reconsider marrying you if this is the way you treat your own family, especially a pregnant family member.” – EllieStone
The OP clearly thought he was right for choosing to adapt his wedding plans around his friend’s arrival. However, the subReddit was less than excited to discover how the plans might impact his pregnant sister. There must be a way to reprioritize the wedding and make it work for everyone?